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by Anonymous on November 19th, 2006

Anonymous

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Help answer this question below.

I am 17 and dating a 28 year old ! I have a 15 month old baby. we have been together for 10 months and he love me and my son. Some people think this is bad because of our age! is this bad?

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  • by anonymous on November 19th, 2006

    anonymous

    Age has no reflection on love. Youy are both responsible adults. So no! As long as you love each other and treat each other right, it's not wrong

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  • by zazzy_one on November 19th, 2006

    zazzy_one

    It depends upon your own maturity level. I suspect that it can't be too high-ish, since you've chosen to have a baby so young. It is not the gap in ages, per se. It is the relative level of maturity: the gap in the levels of maturity. If you are mature enough to see things from a solid perspective, then you will make decisions that are good for your baby (first), yourself, and for your future relationship between yourself and your child.

    However, I suspect that you have so much on your plate that any decision you make would be cloudied by all of those things. Like: 1) have I graduated high school, how will I accomplish this; 2) will I be able to go to college, how will I be able to accomplish this; 2) will I need to work, how will I be able to accomplish this without paying all of my income into child care; 3) if I invest in this relationship before I determine the answer to all of these questions, and the relationship falls through, will I be set back in all of my other goals?

    Where am I coming from with this advice? I had a baby at 19 years old. My mother kept my son so that I could complete law school. I am a lawyer now and making a pretty good living. But my relationship with my son is shi**y and his relationship with his grandmother is excellent. My relationship with her is horrible as she tried to rob me of custody when the kid was 17 and had been living with me for NINE years.

    If I could do it all over again, I would keep the child with me even if that meant not getting through law school in three years. Hindsight is 20/ 20 though. At the time I was more interested in my relationship and my career than this child and the downside is my relationship with the child fell through. Oh yeah and my boyfriend is long-dead history.

    This is how it played out for me. That's not you. We know very little about your actual circumstances. Maybe you are independently wealthy and some of these issues don't apply to you. All I know is, I wasn't thinking of these big picture questions. I suggest that you really think: where will I be ten years from now? That is a difficult question for a 17 year old to think about, lacking the forsight of a older person. I suggest that you find a real live in-the-skin adult that you trust and who knows you and all of the particularities of your specific instance. Chat with them in person about all of these big picture issues and decide what is best for child, you, and future relationship with the child. THIS IS NOT ABOUT HOW OLD YOU TWO ARE. Your love (which I don't doubt) is not at question. How it will effect the future you and your future baby is the question. So when you talk with your adult trusted person, don't worry about this age thing. Worry about your future and making decisions about it. The best you can do is try. And good luck. I wish you all the happiness the world has to offer you.

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  • by Phil wonders where everyone is??? on November 19th, 2006

    Phil wonders where everyone is???

    Most important is that you get your schooling done, even with a baby you should make sure you have the baby taken care of by family and friends you trust.
    Second is to make sure your life is in order and you know what you want as far as college degree's and jobs so the child can experience a full life with great parents.
    If he really wants a life with you than he needs to take responsibility for his intamacy with you and its outcome of the child- Get Married!

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  • by Evelyn on April 11th, 2007

    Evelyn

    11 years is a pretty big age difference and i'm not saying it's a bad thing just make sure he isn't only after one thing. I think you are very young 17 with a 15 month old baby i'll admit i was 18 when i had my son but even now at 21 i don't know what i want to do with my life quite yet. don't do anything stupid like get married (my first big mistake) because believe it or not you are still young and over time you and your feelings will change just know that YOU always need to YOUR CHILD FIRST and it will be that way until he/she is 18. Even if you guy decides to leave you allways have your child just remember to put your baby first before anything else and if he truly loves you he will understand and support that as well

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  • by branciforte3241 on November 19th, 2006

    branciforte3241

    Those people are projecting their own biases onto your relationship. Don't sweat it. Chronological age is only one measure of a person.

    Now, depending on what state you live in, you may run into trouble with the age of consent. That's only an issue if someone in your life opposes the relationship and wants, well, do do what they think is best for you.

    Do recognize that you are young and that love can change rapidly. Be sure not to neglect the things you want out of life.

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  • by Anonymous on November 21st, 2006

    Anonymous

    Thanks !!!

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  • by The Account Formerly Known As Peyton on November 19th, 2006

    The Account Formerly Known As Peyton

    No, I will admit that it is a big age difference. But, the important thing is that you are happy together. But you can't let anything get in the way of your education like philbrown said. If you guys are happy, then, the hell anyone that has a problem with the relationship!

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  • by GiraffeyedDonor-ish on March 2nd, 2008

    GiraffeyedDonor-ish

    Uuuuum...from the legal standpoint, I'm not exactly sure how great that is. But you seem very happy. I'm certainly not going to criticize you because it looks like you and your partner really care.

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  • by VIOLENT DAVE IS A VIKING PIMP on February 17th, 2008

    VIOLENT DAVE IS A VIKING PIMP

    He is a statutory rapist in some states! He could still face charges in some states! Your best bet is to break it off until after you turn 18! If he loves you as much as you think he does, he'll wait!

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  • by Peetee on February 17th, 2008

    Peetee

    If I was 17 and the girl I loved was going with a 28 year old I would be horrendously jealous and pissed off. If I was 28 and had a 17 year old girl friend then I would think I was the luckiest man on the planet. The only worry would be if the girl was too 'stupid', for want of a better word - If she hasn't seen the 'real world' and doesn't understand how it works.

    Younger women can look so great but they can also be so 'unaware', for want of a better word. They can cause some really big headaches.

    What matters is that you both have similar goals so you 'pull in the same direction'. If one wants to build a life while the other one wants to party, for example, it can create real trouble.

    Don't let the age gap worry you. It is actually okay. Just concentrate on everything else.

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  • by Gabstar on February 17th, 2008

    Gabstar

    if you both love eachother, then i say that it aint a bad thing at all! good luck! :)

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  • by fruitcake on April 11th, 2007

    fruitcake

    it depends on your own maturity. and given the fact you are a young mum, you will have had to mature very quickly. bear in mind, us females are at least 3 years more advanced than males our own age. he is not bad. not at all. you both seem very at home with eachother. so where is the problem? the only problem that could occur, would be from his own past, for example, does he have kids from a previous relationship? and would you be able to handle everything that would involve?

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  • by Aimee on January 29th, 2007

    Aimee

    I think the fact that he has stuck around with you and the baby says a lot about him - He really does care. I think 11 years is quite a signifigant age different seeing as you're only 17, but by what you say, he seems ok. As long as the parents are happy!?

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  • by Ender is back.. And slightly confused. on March 2nd, 2008

    Ender is back.. And slightly confused.

    I'm 21 and just broke up with someone 5 years younger than myself because of the legal implications and the difference in maturity.

    So yes, I think it's pretty bad. You still have a lot of growing to do.

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  • by Miss Awesome on March 2nd, 2008

    Miss Awesome

    I think you're very bad at making decisions.

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  • by Anonymous on February 27th, 2009

    Anonymous

    I dont see anything wrong with it if you guys are in love dont let the age thing come between you two love is so hard to find true love that when you know youve found you hold on to it. there is so many people that will never know how it feels to truly love some one and you should feel so lucky that you found it at such a young age just live your life and be happy dont even bother to hear what other people tell you if they think age is a big deal. JUST BE HAPPY. . . . . . . . .=)

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  • by Anon on February 27th, 2009

    Anon

    No, it is not.

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  • by ALM4 on February 27th, 2009

    ALM4

    no, i dont think its bad at all! as long as you guys love each other its fine!!
    only ppl say it looks bad bcuz we do see it that often

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  • by Blondy27 on February 27th, 2009

    Blondy27

    It is a large age gap, but you do have a baby so your maturity level has "Hopefully" been hard pressed into gear and you act like a grown up for your child. Once you turn 18 you can do whatever you please, and having a baby so young and finding a man who accepts you both is fantastic ! My parents were almost the exact age difference when they met 18 & 28 so it could definitely work. Or it might not work, either way always remember your child is number 1 !!!

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  • by Vyrquenox on March 2nd, 2008

    Vyrquenox

    Heh, well, to some people that is a huge and devastating thing. I am 28 and this girl I will mention is 17, (and though it isn't the point, the age of consent here is 16) and I was helping her out with some of her problems in life and her writing, so I wrote a poem and gave it to her (as I am a lit major) as a kind of example then said she was pretty when she complained about her appearance. Next thing I know I am being threatened with restraining orders. Some people can flip the hell out even though (i thought) at least everyone knows I am a good man. So eh, what can you do sometimes.

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