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by AntigoneRising on October 30th, 2006

AntigoneRising

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How do you cook a troll? Please, share your most creative troll recipes!

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Answers. 20 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous too on October 30th, 2006

    Anonymous too

    Marinate in ignore and let troll stew in its own juices.

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  • by KitchenRaider on December 8th, 2006

    KitchenRaider

    Wash troll and remove giblets from inside. Dry troll and rub with butter on all sides. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Be sure to get some salt and pepper on inside.

    Put in crock pot in early morning (about 8:00 a.m.). Turn crock pot to low - let cook all day. When returning home from work about 4:00 or 5:00 you will have a delicious baked troll. Remove from crock pot with spatula to keep from falling apart. You will have about 2 cups of troll broth in pot. Use for gravy over rice or mix with Stove Top stuffing instead of water. Garnish with spices and enjoy! Serves 6-8 people.

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  • by BobSaccamano-is-back on December 8th, 2006

    BobSaccamano-is-back

    I'm afraid I am of little help...I always burn them moohaha

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  • by LynfromNM on December 8th, 2006

    LynfromNM

    Minced Troll Pie is a family favorite. Begin by preparing your standard pie crust. Bake the pie crust until golden brown, and cool. While it cools, chop troll into chunks. Feed chunks through food processor, on "chop" setting. Once entire troll is processed, place in large pot on the stove, set to "simmer". Stir in the troll's shoes, unlaced. Simmer until thickened and add a dash of spite and two teaspoons of unaccountabilty. Ladle into pie crust. Refrigerate one hour. Serve with a dollop of immaturity.

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  • by Constel on December 8th, 2006

    Constel

    Put a dynamite stick into his behind, put fire on, explode him, get all the meat you got from the explosion back home and create the second part...

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  • by wiyldsmurf on December 13th, 2006

    wiyldsmurf

    Clean out insides.
    Steam it whole for 30 minutes.
    Remove bones and skin and hair.
    Throw into food processer until a puree.
    Put troll puree into a pot and add tomato sauce and vegetables. Simmer for an hour.
    Put into a pan with pasta and top with cheese and bread crumbs and bake for 20 minutes or until top is golden brown.
    Serves at least 300 people because nobody can stomach more than a teaspoon of it.

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  • by onzanzabarsands on December 8th, 2006

    onzanzabarsands

    Slap it, flip it, rub it in mace. Let stand in the corner until it's eyes are ready to burst.
    Next turn up gas grill until the flames make the lava rocks glow hot. Throw troll on bottom rack, close lid, sear until it stops screaming.
    Lay troll out on lawn for all to see. Allow rodents and other vermin to feast as they see fit.
    Throw out carcass when it begins to smell or all meat is off bones from the animals picking at it.

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  • by Norman_Outside the lines on December 19th, 2006

    Norman_Outside the lines

    1)" stuff ( through all openings) with red hot chilli peppers and salt .
    2) marinate in mixture of vomit,bile and cat urine for 1 week in basement closet
    3) drench in rotted egg yokes for 4 hours then dust with fine ground powered sugar.
    4) allow to sun dry on an ant hill for 24 hours,
    5) after breabing had hardened , place in room tempature vatt of deep frying oil. ( lard)
    6) start heating to temp of 150'
    & raise temp by + 50' every 30 min.
    7) at 500' allow to deep fry for 50 min or untill signs of crackeling and burning have occoured and any / all screaming,moaning or breathing has stopped.
    8) remove from fryer, slice open and set outside for the vultures to nibble on.
    Desert; peaceful cool island drink w/ the little umbrella . ;0

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  • by jt007m on December 10th, 2006

    jt007m

    You don't cook trolls... Trolls are like gristle... you cut as much of it off the meat because it's inedible.

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  • by O_hare on December 8th, 2006

    O_hare

    Make sure troll is alive.
    Shave off all hair.
    Get a knive and slice open body, get all innards out.
    Put spices, five alarm chili and lemon juice in body.
    Let sit for 20 minutes.
    Preheat oven for 45 minutes at 450 degrees.
    rub turkey basting on troll and put sliced onions on body.
    put in oven and let it bake for 2 hours.
    Once done take it out and there will be a delicous aroma of cooked troll and a basting/gravy, slice it up and serve it with red wine.
    Serves 4-9 people.

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  • by JUSTNORMAL on December 8th, 2006

    JUSTNORMAL

    I have a secret recipe but guess I will share. Ok first wash it off with "TrollBgone" and let stand for 22 minutes. Once it is ugly looking, stuff it, with anything handy like posting fluid, roll it up in pigskin. Once it screams, toss it in boiling water.

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  • by zazzy_one on December 17th, 2006

    zazzy_one

    The skin, alone, is good as a deep-fried snack.

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  • by bananasplit1744 on December 16th, 2006

    bananasplit1744

    Oh! i love troll meatballs
    you take a troll and soak him in salt water
    get rid of the troll taste for five hours
    and then you grind the troll in ameat grinder
    put in bowl add 2 eggs salt pepper paprika
    bread crumbs mix well and then make little 1 inch
    balls and put in crock pot with chili sauce and
    grape jelly and let cook five hours.
    the end results are scrumptious....

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  • by cdPlaya363 on December 13th, 2006

    cdPlaya363

    easily, roast them like a spit pig, stuff a pear in their mouth, and dont forget to glaze them with any sauce or honey. its delicious

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  • by Anonymous on December 13th, 2006

    Anonymous

    Boil in oil. Season to taste afterwards. Deep fried troll is sublime!

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  • by twatook on December 13th, 2006

    twatook

    Put him on the amazing George Foreman grill, only $29.95 and available at all good stores.

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  • by donovan reynolds. on December 13th, 2006

    donovan reynolds.

    3/4 c. firmly packed anonymity
    1/2 c. "not useful" ratings
    1/2 c. vile curse words
    1/2 c. anger-inducing negative numbers
    1 tsp. pissed off edits
    1 c. baking chocolate for that slightly bitter taste
    4 minced trolls

    IMPORTANT:
    1/2 c. arsenic

    Mix all ingredients together for for answerbagging session (suggested time: 2 hours). Spoon into cookie sheet, using a meat tenderizer to "soften" into a doughy texture. Do as much as desired texture calls for. Turn oven to highest setting, bake for 17 minutes or until golden brown.

    Serve to other trolls.

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  • by Anonymous271 on December 12th, 2006

    Anonymous271

    First, skin the troll. Let's face it. From past experiences, everyone should know it's horrible. Next, get a pot full of water and get it boiling on high. Make sure all typing fingers are cut off, as it really down rates your meal. Gently plop the troll into the pot. Next, add some oregano, fresh red peppers, salt(only a pinch), and crushed garlic if you see fit. Cover it with a lid. As it cooks over the next four hours, make sure you get out a small bowl. Create a nice topping for it( I use half of a cup of creutons, and a few crumbled saltines). When it is done cooking, use a Trollmometer(tm) to make sure your food will taste just right. Slice up its meat and serve with the oregano, red pepper, and crushed garlic in a bowl. Add your toppings, and there you have it! Steaming hot troll soup, good for the liver!

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  • by Anonymous on December 12th, 2006

    Anonymous

    ...Heat the flame thrower to 3,000 degrees...

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  • by kitty loves you on December 12th, 2006

    kitty loves you

    Cut off flesh with a blunt instrument, roll the troll in salt, place troll in pan of boiling water, simmering for an hour or two, then boil vigorously for 30 minutes.
    When cooked thro chop into small pieces and feed to your dog.

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