The old Adage "We hurt the ones we love" is pretty much true. Most likely he has anger issues - meaning he says or gets angry and says things he doesn't mean to say while angry and then comes to regret what he said after he sees how it affects you. Is this love? Yeah, kinda. His reaction and actions after he sees you react are compassion and sorrow - guilt for having hurt you. He may, in time, come to keep his mouth shut when he is angered. If so then he will hurt you less. It is highly probable that his mouth works on its own when he is angered and this may be one of those defects of character he can not change and that you will either have to accept and deal with, or not accept and leave. Males tend to convert negative emotions into anger. Sadness, fear, anxiety, sickness - blah - are not allowed when you are a boy - anger is perfectly "ok" to have - when we grow up we come to express all negative emotions with anger. It is difficult for a person to reprogram them self to express sadness and fear and anxiety and (whatever) correctly once we have started on the road to expressing them with anger. I'm a 'mean' person when 'upset' the spousal unit has been around me for a decade or so and knows that leaving me to 'stew' in my anger when upset is easier than attempting to 'fix' the problem which only angers me more because usually I get frustrated. I on the other hand know to take a walk when 'upset' so as to not target the spouse with my 'mean streak'. We did not start off doing these things - it took time and a many errors before we found a system that works for both of us. We also attended couples counseling and individual counseling to figure out our defects of character and figure out ways to deal with those things. Being aware of a problem is the first step to a solution. The trick here will be to communicate with your BF that there is a problem (when he is not upset) and express to him that you want to work on this with him. This does not mean he must change, this only means that he must learn to express himself AWAY from you - instead of using you as a target for his being 'upset'. Now if he wants to work on this and explore other ways to be upset with out being mean then he should do so at his own pace. If he can do that more power to him.