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by slick kid on August 27th, 2004

slick kid

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What qualities do most people consider "good" when choosing a mate?

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by Too Much Time On My Hands on September 14th, 2004

    Too Much Time On My Hands

    Well, I tend to think "would I want to raise children with this man?" before anything else. But we all have different cultural and religious backgrounds, so after the rest of you finish laughing at me we'll move on to the serious part of my answer.

    Everyone has their own preferences, and there's no magic formula to follow. I knew a girl who never dated men under 5 foot 10. I couldn't care less how tall a man is, but I'm very selective about intellectual companionship. But I've heard one piece of advice that I think is a keeper, because it works regardless of these individual differences of opinion: make a list of your positive and negative qualities, as well as those of your prospective mate. Look at what you have in common, and what's different. Shared positive qualities can often indicate shared values, which are the foundation of a successful relationship. Contrasting positive qualities show what you have to offer each other. You can each learn from the traits that you admire in the other person, but which you may lack yourself. Shared negative qualities are potential problem areas... if both of you are the sort of person that forgets to pay the bills, that's bad. Someone needs to pay the bills. If both of you have quick tempers, you risk fighting a lot. They aren't insurmountable obstacles, but you need to recognize potential problem areas and have a system in place to deal with them. Lastly, different negative qualities will be the things that are most likely to annoy you. Examine them closely and take the time to figure out what you can deal with and what you'll never be able to accept. You might learn to accept the fact that your loved one often shows up late without calling. Absentminded people can be endearing sometimes. Or you can feel like it's so incredibly inconsiderate you'll never be able to avoid getting angry when it happens. You can't change other people, so it's important to decide what you can and can't live with.

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  • by mnnorm on March 27th, 2005

    mnnorm

    In a former era, I used to go for the FINCH criteria:

    F - foreign
    I - intelligent
    N - nice (horrible word)
    C - conversationalist
    and most important of all
    H - hot

    However, this system proved far too picky, and very objectifying of women, I apologise to anyone I may have offended with this system, I've moved on. Well, I still consider the INC bits essential.

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  • by Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony on September 6th, 2004

    Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony

    Well, it depends on what that particular person is looking for when choosing a mate, so the answers you get will vary. Personally, I consider these "good" qualities : a sense of humor, intelligent, independent, trustworthy, caring, gainfully employed, no criminal record, and the list goes on and on. Sense of humor is really high on my list though.

    It also depends on what one defines as qualities. Some say that traits equate to qualities. Other say that lifestyle defines qualities. I think it's a little of both.

    It always helps to look at some basics though: sex, money, commitment, and future goals to name a few. These are just examples of what is important to consider besides or along with "good qualities". A mate can have every single quality you deem "good", but that's not always enough.

    Sex: He/she is into bondage and you're not.

    Money: They spend it wildly and never have any and you are very responsible in terms of finances. Many fights are likely.

    Commitment: You want kids, he/she does not. They want to get married and you prefer just living together.

    Future goals: Does the person fit into your personal goals or will they hinder you in accomplishing them.

    A good mate is not always defined by their "good qualities", so be certain to look at the big picture. Hope this helps.

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  • by Cheki-smalz on October 18th, 2007

    Cheki-smalz

    Just as some people said earlier it depends with a person.you might find someone dating another someone else and you really wonder.As for ME apart from being good looking,funny,charming,loving,kind the list is endless we should have some serious chemistry.we can even complete one another's sentences if u know what I mean.But most of all he must be God-fearing

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  • by Hairwatcher on September 1st, 2007

    Hairwatcher

    It usually starts with physical attraction for most people - but the one that matters most is trust.

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  • by RedJohn on October 15th, 2005

    RedJohn

    I can think of two important qualities:
    1. Honesty; and
    2. Honesty.

    I know they are both the same, but it's such an important point I believe it is important to emphasize it. Without honesty you cannot have a meaningful relationship with another person. Honesty is not the same as simply telling the truth, it is about you as a person. Honest, respectful, civil, caring, and loving people make good partners. Dishonest parners will eventually betray you at some fundamental level.

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  • by fijixandra on November 13th, 2005

    fijixandra

    As you can tell, the answers are basically similar but all in all everyone has their own inherent criteria for choosing a good mate. I think the ideas mentioned alreadly qualify as the generic signs of someone who would do well in a relationship...ways to choose between potential mates. Not necessarily the criteria for who you should love/like or not. It is entirely possible to fall in love with someone who has none of these qualities and entirely possible to never be attracted to a person who does have these qualities. The best way to go is to determine what personally attracts you to a mate and then to determine if they have the previously listed "good" qualities. physical attraction, mental attraction, spiritual attraction, and so on are going to be different for everyone.

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  • by Moniki on September 1st, 2007

    Moniki

    Including all of the qualities mentioned in previous answers, I would add one : Charitable

    Whether putting together an annual Christmas basket for an underpriviledged family, sponsoring a child in Africa (or any empoverished area), or volunteering in some form - This is a very sexy and overlooked quality.

    I have to force my husband to give up his beloved little shampoo samples he collects from hotels, in order to pass them on to a charity organization! Would be so much sexier if he would bag the shampoo and insist I take them.

    Sometimes its the simple stuff that counts!
    x

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  • by Activa on August 28th, 2004

    Activa

    Most of us act first and repent at leisure. After a couple of disaterous lessons I recommend you look for the following:
    Good sense of humor. Similar values and beliefs (which takes some time and communication to establish). The person should be someone you really like. Able to show kindness, humility and emotions and communicate feelings. A problem solver. Ethics you admire and share. Not all friend make good partner and not all partners make good friends so you have to be fairly sure about what you need and want and work out what points you can compromise on and which points are not negotiable. Never do anything in a rush - if he/she is worth it you can afford to step back a moment and consider the match; unless of course you are one of those brave souls who just want to jump in and worry about the details later, which is OK if you can manage it.

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