"NSA?"

My husband worked for NSA - does that count? Edited: Now that I know the Asker meant "non-sexual affair" - my answer is no. I believe we all end up with crushes throughout our lives - it's normal. But to take it any further - sexual or not - is infidelity. And I am wholly in love with my husband and I treat him with the respect I expect to be treated with.

I was posting this as a comment to another thread (http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3235655) and it didn't work, so it looked like a good question as well, so here is my answer... They are VERY different! All my close and best friends have been male since I was 3. This affair of his has been going on for about 7 years now. This is his first female friend. He has never had a close friend being a girl before. He puts her feelings before mine and his family. When he gets in a fight with her, nothing exists. When I was pregnant with our daughter, THAT didn't even exist. Things were all about his "friend". When they got in a fight and she stopped speaking to him he went into a depression for over a year. They had to put him on leave from work it was so bad. After therapy didn't work I got a hold of her to get them communicating again and he came out of it. There was once when we were in a life and death situation. We almost died. The next day in his journal he wrote that he could be talking about that situation, but.. and he started writing about her since they had gotten in a fight and that is all that was occupying his mind. I haven't been home since I moved across the world. So we have saved money for a few years. He used the majority of it last year to go on a trip to spend a week with her. I still haven't gotten home yet. It has been 6 and a half years since I left home. Now they rarely talk, She has moved on it seems, and ever day he gets this distance about him and goes of finto his room and "hides". If I ask him what he is thinking about he says nothing. If I persist if he is really being shut off he says just thinking about his friend. There is a lot more, but I will write a book if I go into it all. It has ruined our marriage. I saw what leaving my ex did to my son. I wont do that to my son again and now my daughter. We get along well enough for me to stick it out and try to work on our marriage for the kids. There are close friendships, that is fine. This is something beyond that even tho there is no sex. I would have rathered him have a sexual affair over this. I can deal with sex. This... he gave his heart away when it belonged to me.

Well I understand what you are going through as I have been in the same situation although my spouse did eventually have a physical affair. My wife met a man who lived a few hours away from us on the internet while playing a video game. I didnt think much about it as I have online friends also but our marriage started to get very stressed. I personally didnt know why we were having such a problem until she told me this man had broken things off with her and she wanted to commit suicide. I certainly didnt handle it well I felt betrayed because this woman who I love with all my heart had given her heart to another and now wanted to end her life and our relationship over him. six months later I started seeing the signs of the same thing and started asking questions and trying to save our marriage. She only got hostile and accused me of not trusting her until she left her stupid game up one night and I saw on the screen this guy professing his love for her and that they should be together not her and I. Again she had entered into an emotional affair and as I tried to work on our marrige she just begged me weekly to give her permission to go visit this man. I refused, what sane married man would allow his wife to go stay with another man. especially one who had been professing his love and trying to come between our marriage. Months passed and she continued to ask no matter how many times I said no and eventually I came home from work to find her gone. She had quit her job, packed her things and left to be with him. Guess what she had a one night stand with him found out he was married and had a son her age and was only intrested in sex she came back to me to pick up the pieces. We are still married but there is no love, no intimacy and no real relationship. She just has no where to go and no money to take care of herself and I cant just put her out on the street. I truly believe in Hell because I must have done something wicked in another life because i have been living in hell every day for the last 15 years. Goodluck