It's difficult to know without knowing what kind of erson you see yourself as just now, and what kind of person others see you as. Some quick generalisations for you. Give more (not necessarily money, but your time, expertise, etc.) without expecting anything back. They say it is its own reward. Accept that people will, from time to time, criticise you. The criticism is not always positive, and not always justified, but you can still learn and create a positive effect from it. Turn the other cheek. This does not mean you shouldn't fight back, but rather bend with the prevailing wind, like a willow. The time will come naturally when you can retaliate if you want, and revenge has always been a dish best served cold. Listen to what others are saying, and hear it as well. Don't throw ideas away out of hand, because there may be a nugget of brilliance in there, so pay attentin to everyone you meet. They deserve that much, even if no more than that. And because you're quite young here's a snippet from a poem my mother used to say: "Look young and old as you pass by. As you are now so once was I. As I am now so shall you be, so be prepared to follow me". Don't assume that age is important when speaking with someone. We've already seen and done what you still have to see and do, and when we tell you about it then you should listen, because we know what we're talking about. Other than that I suppose that stopping to think for 5 seconds before you do anything gives you the chance to change your mind and be the nicer person you want to be. I hope this helps and that you can pull some good out of it somewhere. If not, then I still will have tried.

I always told my kids "there is never a reason to be rude to anyone" and they both grew up with this advice and both turned out very nice!

Think about "benefit of the doubt". Instead of making assumptions about other peoples' motives or hidden agendas, just take what they say or do as it is, and react to the moment, not to any incidents in the past. This is especially effective with family members. You love these people, yet it is often hard to get past yesterday's argument or an ongoing attitude. Start fresh with every encounter or conversation rather than carrying old baggage into it. Assuming the worst creates an attitude of unwillingness to be friendly or cooperative. Assume nothing and it is much easier to be nice. Everyone has problems to deal with or complications on their minds, just as you do. So give the other guy as much credit (benefit of the doubt)as you do yourself. And remember if someone else is moody or foul, it may have nothing to do with you -- don't assume it does.

Any attempt to change yourself based on some fixed concept (like "nice person") will produce very limited value. Its true that there are tips and techniques which you can use to be nicer, but you can do that stuff until the cows come home and it won't resolve the underlying anxiety or concern which is driving you to do those things. An individual who is relatively free from self-centeredness will naturally be interested in and concerned with the welfare of others, and their behavior will spontaneously be helpful, friendly, and caring most of the time. And it won't be because they're trying to be "nice", it will be a natural expression of true self. So how does one become free from self-centeredness? That takes practice: you have to work at being aware of your own internal / mental dialog, and notice how self-centered it is. We're constantly thinking about ourselves: every day is a 24-course meal of "me, me, and more me". When we get bored of that, we wonder what other people think of "me", and so on. Of course, we don't talk about this, because then others would think "me" is self-centered. Yikes! The trick is a combination of (1) awareness and (2) non-action. That is, one must be aware of self-centered thinking and yet refrain from acting on those thoughts. A steady diet of this discipline tends to unwind the habitual and automated conditioning which we call "ego". As that conditioning unwinds, another kind of "self" starts to appear spontaneously -- that's where the real generosity, love, creativity, and "niceness" comes from without being forced or mechanical.

Guys, its not so much that I don't do nice things or anything, it's just I come off as very agressive and antisocial, which I'm not. So I guess the question should be, 'How can I show how nice I am'? (I'm not saying that I'm the nicest person in the world, but I'm not evil!)

Here are some ways: Listen: Be “swift about hearing,” says James 1:19. Allow them to express whatever they want to share. People value talking with a good listener. Be available: Make yourself available for your friends. Don’t just make empty promises to your friends. When you invite someone to get together with you, mark such dates on your calendar so that when they come around, you remember the date. Take appropriate initiative: Are there errands that need to be run? Is someone needed to watch the children? Is there something that needs fixing. . giving practical help is a sincere way of being nice to people. Be hospitable: “Do not forget hospitality,” the Bible reminds us. (Hebrews 13:2) Remember the hospitable woman Lydia mentioned in the Bible. After being invited to her home, Luke says, “She just made us come.” Acts 16:15. Be patient and understanding. “Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering,” recommends the Bible. Colossians 3:12, 13. Write a letter: For example, often overlooked is the value of a letter of condolence or a sympathy card. Its advantage? It can say that you care and that you share a special memory about the deceased, or it can show how your life was touched by the person who died. Pray with them: Do not underestimate the value of your prayers with and for bereaved ones. The Bible says: “A righteous man’s supplication . . . has much force.” (James 5:16) For example, hearing you pray in their behalf can help them allay such negative feelings as guilt.

Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. (I know, the title is off-putting, but the book is full of wisdom.) Before I read it (like about 8 times) I was intolerable; now I'm just difficult.

If you truly have the desire to change your image, then you can by implementing fairly surface changes (ie., smiling more). However, because you state the issue as being other people's perception of you, I wonder if your will to change is strong enough to bother. In other words, if you're satisfied that you're a nice person, why expend the energy to convince others of that?

Very relevant quote from the great genius of Thomas Szasz- It is dangerous to speak plainly and to tell the truth, and not just in theological and totalitarian societies. This brings me to remark on one of the great paradoxes of education in our society. We ceaselessly exhort young men and women to think for themselves. However, once people do so, their thoughts -- and hence what they say and write -- are likely to differ from what passes as politically correct. "To write in plain, vigorous language," wrote George Orwell, "one has to think fearlessly, and if one thinks fearlessly one cannot be politically orthodox." This paradox seems to be an intrinsic part of our ambivalence about daring to face the truth. The lives of many persons we now revere as wise illustrate the sad or even tragic consequences of truth-telling. To summarize, if anyone is themselves and does not conform to society's twisted ideals, they will inevitably be ostricized and seen as a psycotic extrovert, do not sacrifice you're individuality for the sake of being "nice". A beutiful mind like you'res is is a terrible thing to waste.

By being more generous -- my bank account is running low.

Oh i know! Make loads of muffins and give them away to people you know! Or.. Oh I know!.. umm.. give a donation to charity! Yeah man, im so smart! lol :)

Be slower. Slowness to react and form opinions allows time for analysis. Without this time, the natural human tendency is to vote for their own interest above the interests of others. Example. Q: "Who wants the last piece of cake?" A: "Well, DUH! IIIii do!" Alternative answer: Give a moment's pause. Another person will be able to pipe up and get it. Answerbag Example. Somebody posts something that really irritates you. Response. Walk away for a day. In the meantime, lots of things could happen. In the back of your mind, you might realize that the person had an uncharacteristically bad day and be able to say nothing. Or, someone with a cooler head might have posted a more rational/emotionless response than you could have. Etc. The most profound example of this that I have recently is this. I have a actual diagnosed psychopathic client. I have been this close to blowing up at client and ushering them out the door. (Yes they are out of custody.) I have been "slow" in doing so, exercising restraint. Accidently, I ended up reading a Christian novel. (I would never voluntarily do so, but by the time I realized, I was knee-deep in the plot. The Memory Book, by Penelope Stokes.) Anyway, this mediocre little book gave me some insight into the pyschopatic behavior, and I realized that but for the grace...could I have gone. Helped me stop hating and start understanding. Time, pausing, imho, truly brings out the best in us. Great question, by the way. I am enjoying your posts immensely.

I have always found that to be a nice person; you've got to be considerate, caring, apprecative, supportive (of what you believe is right, of course), and more. Giving people time to talk and just listening is a good way to be nice as well. There are soooo many traits that are considered nice, I'm not even done half the list. I think you've gone the first step already by asking this question. :)

uhh i guess being compassionate.

Treat everyone as you would want to be treated,kind,courteous,polite and with respect.Give them the benefit of the doubt,and time to explain themself.That always works for me at least.Smile a lot.....it's contagious.

Why would you want to? Perhaps everyone else is too sensative. The hell with everyone else, there's always someone whining about something, take a stand!

get a job in a supermarket, seriously i work in one and now i feel that i constantly have to smile, it gives off a good impression! :P

The best way to become a nicer person is to be genuinely concerned about others, and to show your caring as often as possible. When you focus on others, the magic happens in you.

How to be a nicer person? 1. Be genuinely interested in others. I consider it a relief, actually, to stop obsessing about myself (or how nice I am!) and focus entirely on another person. Ask them questions about themselves, what they've been doing, show concern for their challenges. 2. Take care of yourself first - and this isn't about being selfish, although think selfishness gets a bad rap since it's what allows us each to survive. Get enough sleep, tend to your needs, nurture yourself, don't expect others to meet your needs for you. When you're happy, you'll have more you to give others. 3. Examine your reactions. Why do certain people make you so crabby? I suspect if you're not very nice to others it's because you're not very happy with yourself. Love yourself first, then others. 4. Examine your definition of nice. Do "nice" people never get mad? Always do as they are told? I believe I am nice but I'm no doormat. Be very cautious here - some believe women are taught to be "nice" as another way to keep us from disagreeing or challenging the status quo. isn't there a bumper sticker along the lines of "nice women never changed the world" or something like that? Be very certain you want to pleasant but not a pleaser. 5. Get a pet. I find that even when I'm furious at my spouse, my adorable puppy always gets my mood back to happy. So I akways feel nicer after playing with my little dog :)good luck!

The easiest way to be a nicer person is to put a smile on your face before you ever open your mouth. Even on the phone, people can detect that smile and will respond accordingly. And usually that is all it takes. A smile is the truly universal language.

Quit being mean! LOL

Try and see the issue from the other persons perspective, not just that you thoughts or ideas are correct at all times. Also I recommend reading, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends & Influence People". The title might through you off, but it is a great book to better your self and your social skills. It helped me to deal with the people in Phoenix(maybe thats not fair to say, but there are plenty of nasty people here). Maybe its just the heat!