Single mother of estranged adult son looking for help from women in same situation. Any out there?
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 5
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How about help from an estranged son...? ;-)
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I am an estranged son. My mother will have nothing to do with me except short and civil conversations once or twice per year. During my childhood, she was a young woman and did not consider providing a stable or sane home life for myself or my brother. Now that I am slightly older than my mother was when I was a child, I know the brevity of the choices parents make while raising children. If my mother were posing this question, I would encourage her to acknowledge the negligence of her actions while I was a child (she will not do this and is extremely insulted I expect it from her). I am honestly and deeply disturbed at my lack of parental guidance and love. I am soon to turn thirty, and I could really use the guidance I see other people get from their parents. I strongly encourage estranged parents to do a little self-discovery and take the high-road in this matter. Don't stop showing your love to your children.
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I'm the mother who was single most of her life after my only child's father walked out on us. I gave my son love and encouragement. I was his biggest fan. I taught him well and he was a stand up man the last time I talked with him. He quit communicating with me two years ago and I honestly have no idea why. I have asked and have received no explanation or answer. He's now in his late 20s and continues to live in the college town where he attended under-grad and law school. He was never abused by me and I made sure nobody else abused him either. I was abused for many years as a child and I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a good parent and teach my child tolerance and love for his fellow man. I miss him incredibly. If you need a mother I'm here for you.
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Yes, my 28 yr old son rarely contacts me. He doesn't mind coming over to see other relatives, but doesn't make an effort to call me. I was a mixture of loving, fun, and firm (sometimes authorative). I see how well he does at 9 yr. relationship with his girlfriend. I see how well he handles working where he is well-respected and well-liked. I guess that I did a good job with him, but the times I got tough on him, he's never forgotten. I worry that the good times we had are overshadowed in his mind, and he just dwells on the tough times. He writes me great birthday/Xmas cards saying he has the best mom ever, but then i dont' hear from him for weeks into months.
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I would like to help; however I, too have a son who seems to want nothing to do with me. I have not seen him for 18 months & we live in the same city - he will not return my 'phone calls or e-mails. We've never even had a quarrel...honest! I've asked him to discuss the situation but get no response. He is hetero, well-educated (Ivy school), employed, good-looking, no illnesses, never a substance abuser, many friends, travels. Me? journalist, never abused my children (he has a sister), or was unfaithful to his father (an attorney); he lived in a middle-class home where the bills were paid & I was always available as I worked 15 mins. from my home. Perhaps we can make contact because even my therapist can't figure it out! It hurts so much.
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