I am my husband's third wife and he has four children from previous marriages. One of his daughters, age 20, lives with us and I feel she is the cause of dissension in the marriage. He sees me as the problem. Should I get a divorce after 5 years?

I dont like to see a 20 year old still at home anyway. I made sure mine understood that if they were not going to college that they needed to be working and supporting themselves after graduating HS. I set that in motion with the oldest one early on. The others expected it. So now they are all gone, living and working with their own place and they dont stick their pretty little heads into my business. That is the first problem. The second problem is that your husband is going to take sides with his daughter. That he should be standing by you instead is not in his way of doing things, I suppose. Anytime a spouse takes sides with the kids at any age (except in abusive situations), there is only feelings of disloyalty and distrust between the parents. I dont think your step daughter is being abused, I think she thinks she is a little prima donna and you cant levy any authority over her. Dad is supporting those thoughts by not standing by you in this. I figure she was probably behind the other breakups. I dont know what the problem is so I cant make a solid assesment. But usually the step children play their real parent against the step parent. And that is never good. If you cant get him to stand by his wife (you), then, yes, I would not stay. Even when I thought my wife was wrong,(which was very few times) I stood by her, then later, alone, we would talk about it. But not in front of the child in question. They always knew that they had to convince two parents at the same time, never one then the other. So therefore, they didnt challenge as often. I know I was not a perfect parent, but we had very few problems sticking by each other when a problem arose.

The dude's been married three times and you're blaming the kid...Okay!

I have the a similar problem. 8 year old child who comes every other weekend, each weekend we fight and he tells me we are getting a divorce. This weekend he took her away on a special getaway away from me. I have lived with him 2 1/2 years and married just a few months, it seems to be getting worse not better. Hope this helps.

Why did his other marriages end? I am thinking that he is the cause of the problem between you, and he has been the root cause of his ther failed marriages. You have to be strong in the first place to look after someone else's children as your own, and they will not always accept your authority. Yes, he should stand by you when you make a decision or side with you in an argument, but I think that he has other problems and you must reevaluate what brought you together and whether it is still there. If it is, then fight for him, but be prepared to recognise when it is time to let go and move on.

your husband is the problem...he doesn't have appropriate boundaries with his adult daughter. unless she is a full-time college student, she has no business living there...and even then she could still get a job and have her own place. many many many people manage to attend college full-time and work full-time...hell, some of us even did grad school full-time while we worked full-time. she needs to get out and make her own way in the world and if dad's not willing to push her out of the nest, he's the problem.

stick with it, i mean how much longer is she going to stay with you?

How did I get duplicate answers on here?LOL!!

That's tough. Why is she still home at 20? She better be in a local college! You need marriage counseling at the very least. I have a friend who has a 17 year old step daughter that seems intent to make sure a divorce is next. My friend's hubby feels like he's "in the middle". I see that he's not brave enough to stand up to either his daughter or his wife, so he just lets the tension continue. Now at 17, she's still in high school and compromises will have to made on all sides. But at 20? If she's not in school, he may have to buck it up and tell her to shape up or ship out... IF he wants to save the marriage that is. That's why I recommend counseling. That might give you a clear direction on how he feels about the marriage!

http://tinyurl.com/StepFamily-LivingIn

Tell the daughter to move out and make her living.

I dont like to see a 20 year old still at home anyway. I made sure mine understood that if they were not going to college that they needed to be working and supporting themselves after graduating HS. I set that in motion with the oldest one early on. The others expected it. So now they are all gone, living and working with their own place and they dont stick their pretty little heads into my business. That is the first problem. The second problem is that your husband is going to take sides with his daughter. That he should be standing by you instead is not in his way of doing things, I suppose. Anytime a spouse takes sides with the kids at any age (except in abusive situations), there is only feelings of disloyalty and distrust between the parents. I dont think your step daughter is being abused, I think she thinks she is a little prima donna and you cant levy any authority over her. Dad is supporting those thoughts by not standing by you in this. I figure she was probably behind the other breakups. I dont know what the problem is so I cant make a solid assesment. But usually the step children play their real parent against the step parent. And that is never good. If you cant get him to stand by his wife (you), then, yes, I would not stay. Even when I thought my wife was wrong,(which was very few times) I stood by her, then later, alone, we would talk about it. But not in front of the child in question. They always knew that they had to convince two parents at the same time, never one then the other. So therefore, they didnt challenge as often. I know I was not a perfect parent, but we had very few problems sticking by each other when a problem arose.