ANSWERS: 30
  • Try to keep yourself away from him as much as possible. It will just take some time. Perhaps you could also talk to him and tell him your feelings. Maybe then he will quit playing with you.
  • SWEETIE, THERE IS MANY FISH ON THE SEA! TRY TO KEEP AWAY FROM MARRIED MEN! ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF ON THEIR SHOES---WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOUR HUSBAND DID THAT?
  • You said it yourself; this guy is playing games with you and your heart. He has no respect for you at all and he isn't worth your time. Do you want to be another notch on his belt? Just be glad you aren't married to him!
  • You must be young - oh to be again. The hard reality is that this is not love; not for you and especially not for this manipulating turkey. Real love must have mutual respect, consideration and commitment. There are none of these in what you describe. Emotion without them is hot button sex (but that's good too when you accept it for what it is). To begin, to feel as you do means you have no respect for yourself. Your motor is running out of control. Best way to shut it down is to understand what is going on and find some substitute for your emotional hot button. Good luck and remember you are in control or you are lost.
  • What is it that you "love" about this man? Looks? Personallity? Did he show you the attention that you need?
  • With all due respect, ginatu, I have a different point of view from pappy-to. If you think it's love, it's love. Begin by respecting your own feelings. As human beings we have an enormous capacity to love. We will even die for it. Sometimes we love inappropriate people. Sometimes we love the unlovable. Even after you figure out how to end this torment you may still find that you love this person. That's okay. You'll just look at it differently. Since this person is not reciprocating in kind, let's say that he doesn't love you. If you were being pursued (and that's what you're doing you know) by someone you didn't love, what would you think about that person? And let's assume you wouldn't treat that person the same way you're being treated, but I'll bet you'd want to give them some advice. What advice would you give them? Imagine yourself in that position, listen to yourself, and take your own advice to heart. I believe in the Buddhist tradition they talk about teachers who teach without knowing it. This person is your teacher. Try to figure out what lesson you're suppose to be learning from him and you'll come out of this happier for having experienced this.
  • tell his wife
  • Hi Ginatu; If you REALLY want to end this spiral, you can. We are not driven by the world and its people. We have control if we only take it. You have two problems to deal with. 1) You need to accept at a gut level that you have control, accept the consequences of what you do and begin to learn to deal with it. 2) Begin to learn how to deal with the turmoil of emotions that shaped what you are today. The best way to handle (2) is to read books on the subject. The Internet is full of used book sellers. Amazon, alibris, abebooks. There is a great search engine: bookfinder.com, that searches all sources by title, topic, author. You probably are not sure what to look for so go to a Barnes & Noble or a similar store (psychology section). Sit down and skim read several to see what addresses your concerns. You want something that talks at your level of understanding and helps you understand what is going on inside of you emotionally. Only by understanding yourself can you really begin to deal with this. There are great benefits in doing this besides helping with this immediate problem. You will live a happier, fulfilled life and avoid the screw-ups I made. By the way, I'm still growing up and won't see 60 again. So have heart. Now if you are not a reader, you have a problem. I don't know what you can do except to go to your local shrink. They are expensive and love to have you come back and help them with their Mercedes payments. Hope this helps. Pappy
  • Ok, so I know EXACTLY how you feel, I'm definately in the same exact scenario. He's young and married, I'm young with a boyfriend. And it's so hard because you love playing with the person, and I bet you LOVE the attention, it feels good. But it could also blow up in your face, thats what I keep telling myself anyway, I get along so great with everyone at work, could you imagine if everyone in the office found out? Then it'd be extremely odd, and the stress of the thoughts of others that you work with would constantly eat at you. Hey, you only live once and if it is really REALLY want you want, and you want to risk the awkwardness I say go for it. But just think, if you go for it and he backs away....then it'll feel so weird seeing the same person everyday all day, both knowing that you made a fool out of yourself... from one hopelessly devoted to another GOOD LUCK!!!! :)
  • bring your focus back to your job and off of this man meat you keep drooling over. work puts food on the table, he uses you for all you got! which makes more sense!?
  • Find another job.
  • You are only flattering him that younger women might find him attractive. Why is it wrong? If it were the other way around and he was your husband, is this how you would want him to be? You don't have to learn from experience on this one.
  • It's time to change job's,it will only get worse -Or then there's time with alot of distance ! Serious Distance - I hope all goes well
  • Darling it's time to look for another job. He's distracting you from your goals. Do you really have time to play this game with a guy you are going no where with?? You are wasting your time when you should be thinking about your life. Think about YOU!! What are your goals and what do you want out of life? I'd bet none of it includes becoming involved with a married guy. If he cheats on her, honey he will cheat on you. You need to raise your standards and find a man who's free to love you. The other thing you can do is just get pissed about how he's responding to you - he is married!! He has a wife and home and probably kids! Ignore this man - he's selfish and self-centered.
  • I know it is hard, but if you have an affair and it ends, you will both have to face each other at work. If he ends it, you may feel used and cheated and be resentful and he will be right in your face always reminding you. This will stop you from moving on or make it more difficult. I ended a long term affair with a married man because I was sick of being the other woman and it was no longer fun (wife was suspicious). Well because I live near him, we have bumped into each other and he is quite mean to me saying that he will call me (as if he might have something constrctive to say to me). I do not react when he says he will call and I think that annoys him. Oh actually the second time he said he would phone me, I said "yes it would be nice if you came round for COFFEE"! I could tell that he was miffed--any idea why??!!He is playing games, and trying to keep me hanging on because he doesn't want me to move on. But even if he wants to phone, what will he say? Some charitable people might say that he is genuinely confused about what he wants. All I know is that the longer he doesn't phone, the easier it is for me to feel emotionally distant from him and start healing from the pain. I do however wish that he had said it was over and that there would be no contact between us. If it is over why say that you will phone-it is pointless. Ideas anyone?
  • I know it is hard, but if you have an affair and it ends, you will both have to face each other at work. If he ends it, you may feel used and cheated and be resentful and he will be right in your face always reminding you. This will stop you from moving on or make it more difficult. I ended a long term affair with a married man because I was sick of being the other woman and it was no longer fun (wife was suspicious). Well because I live near him, we have bumped into each other and he is quite mean to me saying that he will call me (as if he might have something constrctive to say to me). I do not react when he says he will call and I think that annoys him. Oh actually the second time he said he would phone me, I said "yes it would be nice if you came round for COFFEE"! I could tell that he was miffed--any idea why??!!He is playing games, and trying to keep me hanging on because he doesn't want me to move on. But even if he wants to phone, what will he say? Some charitable people might say that he is genuinely confused about what he wants. All I know is that the longer he doesn't phone, the easier it is for me to feel emotionally distant from him and start healing from the pain. I do however wish that he had said it was over and that there would be no contact between us. If it is over why say that you will phone-it is pointless. Ideas anyone?
  • I think you should seriously consider changing jobs. Ask yourself this question, "Do I want to be the reason their marrige fails? Do I want to be a home-wreaker?" Even though nothing has happend yet the possibility is there that it will. Is this job worth your self-respect?
  • Let me just chime in here for a minute. I am a married woman and found out my husband of 11 yrs was flirting heavily w/ a co-worker, sounds a bit like your same story & I will tell you this: 1) It has all but destroyed our family. 2) His own daughter that once adored him tells him she hates him, that breaks his heart & all he can do is say he's sorry & cry but she tells him he not only betrayed me he betrayed her & she totally blames him & the girl at his work. She went as far as to write the "girl" a letter - Ive read it & it is pretty harsh. 3) We never saw each other b/c of conflicting work schedules and he wanted attention - STUPID! 4) I have seen an attorney and given him the proof that I have 5) I can & very well may take him for everything he has & will have for yrs to come. Thehouse, the car, the furniture, alimony, child support and half of the social security he has buit up while we've beeen together, in other words, if I decide to do this he is screwed & he will probably never recover finacially or emotionally. 6) Married means married - stay away from married men PERIOD 7) It is NEVER appropriate to carry on any type of relationship with married men if you are a single female, it only leads to broken hearts & broken families & devasted children! 8) BTW; what you are doing is having an emotional afair, it will probably destroy his life when his wife finds out & she will, sooner or later. 9) If I do decide to divorce my husband, the co-worker will be named as corespondent & will be required to appear in court. 10) If you 2 ever get together & he's divorced, the children will HATE you forever. 11) And lastly, whatever you do in this life will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, come back on you, cal it what you want but it's the absolute truth. Now ask yourself....Do you really want to play a part in any of that? It may be too late but I promise you this, his wife will find out & then you will really be in for a rough ride. Is it worth it?
  • Look, this is just my simple opinion but everyone is making WAY TOO MUCH of this ladies situation. She has a crush on a man she spends 8 hours of her day with. Nothing wrong with her or that. The man is no fool, nor should he be crucified for enjoying the attention of this lady. The only concern that should arise is whether or not there is any potential in pursing the union. YOU have a mere crush on this man, and he is married. Most people in these situations are smart enough to draw a line. Get out and meet some single men, call some friends, joke about your crush with your crush. Say something like, if you weren't already married, "I'd so be in love with you!" Or this one works, "Do you have a brother?" That way you let this man know in no uncertain terms that you respect his marriage but appreciate his attentions all the same. Best,
  • Try to think if you were the wife, what would you do? Oh the tangled web we weave, and then, there you are, all tangled up in a mess you've made. Think with your head, not with your eyes. RUN get out of the way before it's to late.
  • This guy is obviously not very nice if he knows you like him and is still making moves on you, If i were his wife i'd like to know what kind of man he is at work. Stay far away from this one because he's using you for his own personal gain.
  • Get a new job so you don't have to see him every day.
  • Wow. These answers. My take is that the married party is fully and totally responsible for infidelity. The person (you in this case) who is the unmarried party is not responsible, though likely making poor choices. That said, ALL affairs end. The best way to end one is to not begin one. This guy sounds like a total a**h***. If he would do this to his wife, I guarantee you he would do it to you. Please take a vacation, get involved in activities outside of work, occupy yourself. You can get over him...he sounds forgettable.
  • Dear Friend: There is only one way to get over it. You MUST, MUST, MUST walk away from this. As a Pastor, and, one whom has done much in the way of counselling, can only tell you that if you continue in this relationship, the hurts will get deeper and deeper, and, if you by chance get pregnant, like I did, the child will be a constant reminder of your affair, and, you might even find yourself turning on this child and having to turn to God to know how to really truly love this child of adultery. I know this is hard for you to hear, but, have been there, and, know what you are going through. Please, please, please walk away from this relationship before the pain becomes even greater than what it currently is. Your heartbreak will end in time. Time has a way of healing all hurts. May I also suggest that you remove yourself from the area of temptation, in other words, remove yourself from your present workplace, and, if possible, perhaps even from where you currently live, moving farther away from the adulterous crime scene. I am not going to tell you it will be easy, as it will break you up inside, but, better this, than have a marriage break up, or worse yet, be left to raise his child when he can perhaps never ever be with you which is what I ended up with. I am not going to condemn you as perhaps some would, but, rather encourage you to leave the relationship, allow yourself to heal, and, find a new space to heal in. Cry out to God. Let your feelings go. He hears you, and, understands you. God knows only too well, that we blow it, but, He is loving, forgiving, and, always there for us in times of trial. Will be praying for you to get through this with help from God. All the best Pastor Patty
  • Quit the job
  • Try not to think so much about you and him -- and think more of the many people you could hurt if you continue giving him your attention. There could be families -- spouses and children -- on both sides, or even on one side, so whole families could be devastated. Best to cut him out completely. He is just playing games with you.
  • Love is not just a chemical reaction going off in your brain, it is a choice. He is married. He's hands-off. You have the power in making the decision to not be attracted to him. How to go about it? For starters, leave him alone. Get out and meet new and, most importantly, single people. The cold truth is that you are allowing yourself to lower yourself through your actions. Move on. It's really that simple, you just have to will it. If you really can't find yourself to "forget him", then seek therapy to fix your self esteem.
  • Jusxt move on!
  • When the office grapevine starts calling you a tramp, you'll probably figure out a way to harden up the putty. When his wife flips out because this is the tenth time he's played around with an office slut and comes gunning for you. you'll probably learn how to say no in a meaningful way. When Human Resources finds out there is something resembling an affair going on and fires you or both of you, you'll probably finally understand what work place professionalism means.
  • i would just leave him alone if hes married

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