Should parents spank their kids for wrong doing or find an alternative method{like restriction or time out} what would produce better results?kids nowadays seem less scared of consequences to lying or their actions
by 
dame
ANSWERS: 23
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I was spanked as a kid and I think I turned out all right. Hehe...but that's up for debate. My sister is raising her two kids (ages 5 and 6) with the "no-spanking" rule. I think she's doing a fantastic job. Sure sometimes the kids act up...but they're KIDS! She uses time outs. Also she uses a reward system for when they do good things to focus on the positive instead of the negative.
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Parents should do what works. Sometimes if a "time out" isn't working, or if they're continuing to be disobedient while on time out, a spanking is due. And not all parents will necessarily do things in that order. I think the fact that kids nowadays are less worried about consequences is because parents just aren't demonstrating that there ARE consequences and that the proper punishments WILL be carried out.
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You make a valid point in your question about kids being less scared. I personally use timeouts first and spanking later. I think it is ok to spank somtimes as long as it is not overdone and not your only form of discipline.
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My personal belief will not be liked by some I'm sure. When kids are really little, sometimes a little slap on the hand on the diaper-padded bottom gets the point across nicely. It must be used sparingly though. Once they get like 4 or 5, they are better able to reason. Then you can start talking to them more. Spanking should definitely be avoided now as much as possible. They will resent too much physical discipline. Then they become teenagers. If you can get thru the teenage years without beating down your child you're amazing!! I will kick my son's a$$ if necessary. But only once or twice of that, and it isn't anymore. The reason that is so effective is because he knows I don't pull it out every chance I get, but knows too I'm not afraid to!!
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Don't beat your kids. Give them hugs instead.
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First things first. Parents need to be good examples for their kids by never lying. That way, the child starts out with a good foundation. Since every child will test their boundaries, the sooner a parent stops them, the sooner the child will learn to respect the boundaries. I have always believed in the distraction/hugging method, for infants and toddlers. Constancy is vital. When you don't want a child to touch something, it's better to say here is your favorite toy than to say Don't Touch.
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When I was younger, I would have rather been spanked cos then I can go on with my day and would prolly do whatever it is I did wrong again cos I didn't really learn anything from it. However, if something had been taken away from me like the radio or tv or whatever, I would've made it a point not to make the same mistake again. As I got older, my parents would take away my cell phone and/or licenses and ban me from going anywhere other than school, then make me go to bed right after I finished my homework.. so needless to say, I started behaving way better.
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I think that there are times when appropriate spanking is necessary. A parent who knows how to stand his or her ground and doesn't give up is a parent who deserves respect.
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Please don't spank me :( "No spanking free-zone"
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Force seems to be an indicator of a thin relationship with your child. Then again I'm not a parent, but I was a child once. I can say though if my parents sought to nurture the lack of love between us rather than force a shiny on the outside, dirty on the inside relationship the result would have been much better.
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Ha i was slapped everytime i ever did something bad. I was scared shit-less of my parents, im 20 and i still am.. and thats why i think im so on track. I have a job, im in college, ive bought my own car,.. alot of kids THAT I PERSONALLY KNOW who didnt get the same discipline as mee.. are drop outs.. and pregnant.. because instead of there parents trying to be actual parents, they wanted to be their "friend"
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In my opinion, a mix of disciplines works best, but no matter if you spank or use time out... the bottom line is that if you don't follow through on any disciplinary action... meaning if you say you will spank or do time out and dont do it... you will loose respect from your kids. They may love you... but they won't listen when you really need them to heed your wisdom in any given matter. Let me clear something here... there is a big difference between spanking and abusing and I hope people understand that. Discipline and child abuse are not the same thing. I spank, but only as a last resort. My kids are 16, 13 and 11... so spanking is rare to non existant. At this stage of their lives they understand what I say when I talk to them, so thats what we do. Punishment is usually the removal of something precious like MP3 players or a lockdown on the computers, or confiscation of Cell phone, things of that nature.
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Wow this is tought question. Here is what we do? 1) Keep myself in as top shape as I can mentally becasue I have found that I spank more or scold more when I am not taking care of myself. 2) I found by being in right state of mind that this rolls down to my children. 3) I do have spank but not very often. I hope this help. I am not a perfect parent. But one day :)
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The main thing is following through and showing no mercy with the consistancy of the time outs or what ever...
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Should or should not doesn't apply here because spanking is against the law. I have a 21 year old son who has a good job, has been living away from home almost a year now and doing very well for himself. He is responsible, has good common sense and respects other people. I much preferred natural consequences or for the punishment to fit the crime, as a last resort I used time out (which wasn't sending him to his room because as an only child that was not a punishment). I also reinforced the good things he did and told him often how proud I was of him how much I loved him and how much I liked him as a person.
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Redirection thru affirmation is always the first means for correction, but I believe in spanking, just not as the first or only resort. I believe that the rod of correction should always be a last resort.
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I think that there are better forms of discipline than spanking, and that spanking should only be seen as a definite last resort, when there are no other options left at all. I have personally found that depriving the child of television, or a favoured possession, hurts them more than any violence could. But each child is individual, and you cannot for certain say that you would or wouldn't do either i guess.
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I think the discipline should fit the "crime" as closely as possible. What is the natural consequence of lying? It breaks down trust. You let your child know that they've broken trust, and therefore everything they say or do will be suspect until they've consistently shown they can be trusted. It takes a lot of fortitude on the part of the parent(s) but that's really the only way for a child to learn the consequences of lying. That's what will happen in the larger world when someone's lies are exposed. Spanking is largely ineffective as a discipline. All it shows is that the larger person has an advantage over a smaller one. It also can produce fear, and I'd rather my children respect me than fear me.
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Kids that dont get spanked usually are terrible children not all but some.. kids just sometimes honestly have to have a good spanking to get them back in line.
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I'm not a fan of hitting kids so that it hurts. Swatting a small child is one thing - spanking hard enough to cause pain is another. However, I also think a kid should believe it just COULD be possible. I have once gotten so mad at my (now) 12 year old he still remembers it. And I just need to refer to it for him to chuckle nervously and know he's treading on thin ice. I didn't hit him then but I left him with the impression that he sure doesn't want to test my limits either.
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There is no single answer to this question. Each child is different, and each will respond differently to various methods of discipline. For some, time out works. For others, a limit on video game time or removal of some other priviledge is perfect. Some kids need a slap on the butt. I do agree that it is useless to spank a child that would better respond to a time-out. It is equally useless to ground a child that doesn't care if he's grounded.
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there are alternate choices to the old primal ones
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Well you shouldn't spank them too much because it could make them think that spanking is regular. I don't think you should spank them but when they reach the age around 6, you should stop. Time outs are good, but they're not the best. Just make them apoligize or write about what they did.
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