"Hey, are there any balls down there?" "About the biggest balls you've ever seen, dingleberry!"

There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on ya. -Silent Bob's only line

Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks! Customer with Diapers: In a row? Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos? Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for? 'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again? 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. 'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy! 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it. Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!

There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. - Silent Bob (oh so true) I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, working on my day off, the steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward-assed fu** on the planet, I smell like shoe polish, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fu**ing a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. - dante (also very true)

I actually preferred the second movie. What do you think?

i forgot one... try not to suck any d!ck on the way to the parking lot!!

"What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker?"

"I'm not even supposed to be here today!" or "This job would be great if it wasn't for the f*cking customers." and who can forget... "Hey, try not to suck any d*ck on the way through the parking lot!"

Randal:And I'm caught in the middle - torn between my loyalty for the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on. Randal: My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad. Jay: Yeah. Silent Bob, your a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. Randal: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame. Coroner: My question is, how did she come to have sex with a dead man? Dante Hicks: She thought it was me. Coroner: What kind of convenience store do you run here? Dante Hicks: Someone jammed gum in the locks. Veronica Loughran: You're kidding. Dante Hicks: Bunch of savages in this town. Dante Hicks: I'm 37? Caged Animal Masturbator: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. Jay's Lady Friend: Did he say "making fuck"? Randal Graves: You're so repressed. Dante Hicks: Because I never tried to suck my own dick? Randal Graves: No time for love, Doctor Jones! Veronica Loughran: Hi, Randal. Randal Graves: Thirty-seven? Dante Hicks: Shut up! Randal Graves: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

Bunch of savages in this town.

"No, no, not that one, the one behind it. They got bigger titties in that one......"