Well, I can only say that you should give him time to be with his daughter. If you are not a parent, especially not a parent that has been through a divorce and cannot see the child often...considering the fact she lives in another state...then you probably simply do not understand what he is going through. Don't leave...there's no reason to break it off with him because his daughter is here. As you asked in your question, you should give him time alone to be with her. For a parent to be away from their child for that long, especially when she lives so very far away (its not like she's a 20 minute drive to the next town), it is very heart-wrenching, and surely now that he is with her he must be very happy to see her and be eager to spend time with her. It is understandable in his case that he wants to move the relationship slowly...perhaps his divorce was recent? Or he may be concerned about getting deeply involved with someone because he has a daughter? Don't take this the wrong way, since what i'm going to say is only suggestion, not accusation: When his daughter is here, give him the time he wants with her. DO NOT be jealous or spiteful. Far too often I see people get involved with single parents, and then those people learn to hate the child because the parent wants to spend time with him/her, and their partner can't understand why. You should realize that once a person has a child, the party is pretty much over. Or at least, it should be. A child is a monumental responsibility that can not and should not ever be taken lightly. Of course parents are always entitled to fun and their own personal life, but you have to realize what is going on here. His daughter lives in another state, and obviously he doesn't get to see her very often at all. That is a terrible, heart-wrenching strain for a parent. Now that she is here, he is obviously going to want to see her as much as possible. Again, this is not accusation, but if you were to demand his time and become angry, jealous or spiteful, then unfortunately you are in the wrong. If you don't think you can handle this, then you should have thought about it when you became involved with someone that you knew was a divorced dad. You're not at fault for doing so, but if you can't tolerate this situation then you probably should not have gotten involved in the first place. There is always difficulty...in most cases a young child won't like this new person in their life because they think that this person is trying to take the place of mommy/daddy, or that the parent they are spending time with is ignoring them for this new person. That always leads to conflict and frustration between the child and the new love. So just move over and let him be with his daughter. His daughter is probably the single most important thing in his life...and I hate to say it, but she is far more important than anything else, your relationship included. Just be understanding and don't get jealous or spiteful...there's no reason to. Wait until he feels comfortable enough to have the 3 of you spend time together. Overall if you simply don't think you can handle it, then I repeat my notion that you never should've gotten involved with a divorced parent in the first place. Good luck, and I hope everything works out well.

Well, i had a conversation with my boyfriend and he feels like he cannot put me infront of his daughter, he feels weird and says he never did it before and he is confused,but thinks it is the right desicion. So, i will not see him anymore. I am very hurt, and just can't understand that going to the beach, or for an icecream cone will hurt her in anyway, if we don't make it. He tossed everything away for nothing, we had a nice realationship for 8 months, and now it is over becuse of fears, he is a coward. If he wants to start this up after she leaves, do I?

If you can't handle the fact that he wants to spend time with his daughter that he rarely ever sees, then its your fault for getting involved with a single parent, and you should've know better. If he only sees her in the summer, that's only 2 or 3 months out of 12. I understand that its frustrating that he took your relationship so slow and now that his daughter is here he is spending all his time with her, but its still your own doing. If you recognized that the relationship was moving so slow for 8 months, you should've broken it off sooner. There's no sense in complaining, and he is not a coward...you're ignorant. Don't be offended since this isn't a personal attack, but you simply should not be complaining about his love for his daughter. I would dare say that you have no right to complain...you aren't a parent, so you have absolutely no idea what it must be like for him to not be able to see his daughter for so many months out of the year. Now that she's here, of course he wants to spend alot of time with her. Being jealous and spiteful of his daughter is simply childish. You have alot to learn about relationships yet. Do yourself a favor and don't get involved with a single parent again. Obviously he isn't ready for a relationship either, and he should wait before he gets involved with anyone else too. Unfortunately you were probably one of the first people he has dated since after his divorce. But calling him names and being jealous of his daughter reflects badly on you. Instead of being so spiteful about it, just forget it and move on. Obviously he didn't mean too much to you if you just left him after 8 months when his daughter got here. You should've just given him time...a month at least...to be with his daughter that he NEVER sees. If you become a parent one day, then maybe you'll finally understand. In the meantime, stop complaining about a situation you knew was going to happen...you could've saved yourself the trouble a long time ago.

I say, give him a month at least. Let him know that you are trying to understand the situation. I know that it is hard. I have been in your position. I am in a similar position. Because you and I don't have kids, we don't know how it is. I ask my boyfriend a lot of questions about what it's like being a father. His daughter lives out of state because he's in the navy. I suggest that if you love this man, you should try to get to know the daughter. You may even develop a friendship. It's harder for us, cause we don't see the kids, because they are out of the state. I know it's hard, and I totally can relate. You aren't a bad person because you fell in love with a man who has a kid. You just have to decide if this life can work for you and you have to make a decision. If you cannot change your way of thinking, then maybe it's not meant to be. Remember that life isn't perfect for a lot of us, and a lot of people choose to make sacrifices. But if you aren't ready, I wouldn't say you're to blame because you have learned an important lesson and it was fun while it lasted. Good luck!

It seems to me that single parents ramble on about their children more than married couples with children do. Why is that? I think it is the guilt and the fact that they screwed up and had a kid with someone they did not love. Just because you had a kid out of wedlock, does not make everybody feel sorry for you. Maybe they should have logically thought about their actions and the consequences before they made the mistake and hurt everyone involved, including the kid. It is not fair to blame the boyfriend or girlfriend without a child that is in the partnership. They are deserving of love as much anyone else. If they meet their soulmate, who happens to have a kid or kids, and that person feels they met their soulmate too, then hurting and blaming the partner without kids is ludicrous. You cannot choose who you fall in love with. Maybe the partner with kids should have fallen in love FIRST and then had children like majority of humans like to do. Don't blame the partner for falling in love with you and turn on them and toss them away. It is not fair and is spiteful. We know there is a kid, but that kid will be fine. It is the life you chose. It is the family structure you chose. The partner without the kids is innocent and should not be shoved out of the picture, even though you say he/she is your soulmate, because you feel guilt and have to make it up to the past.

My boyfriend is the father of a teenage boy who lives in California (we live in Texas). He sees his son for two weeks at Christmas and four weeks in the summer. It was difficult for me the first time he came to visit, we were new in our relationship and I felt ignored. He told me ahead of time that he wanted to spend as much time as he could with his son (since he didn't have the entire two weeks off from work). I asked if (at his convenience) I could spend time with the both of them. As a Christmas present I took them both to a hockey game...neither had been to one before (took a printout of the rules and that helped them to enjoy it). After that gesture, his son was open to getting to know me, and we spent Christmas day together - just the three of us. Now he's here for a month. I told my boyfriend that I was not going to call him while his son was here - he would have to call me. He's been here four days - and I have been invited to spend two evenings with them already! :) The three of us have a great time together, but when they want my company. I think that's the key to it... Let it be on their terms that you get together, and understand from their point of view...since they only get a short time to see each other each year they want to spend every minute they can together...Also remember, when they do invite you to ensure that you are not the center of attention...teenagers are especially sensitive to being ignored. I have found that to be the key with my situation...

I think you should tell him about your hurt feelings and discuss the option of you being involved into his and his daughter activities. If you manage to get along well with his daughter, it might help you bond better with your boyfriend.

You have to realize this child was their before you and will be their after you.I would love to have a man that takes the time to spend time with his child.The guy should invite you to kick it with them some times,if he considers you to be special to him.

You have to realize this child was their before you and will be their after you.I would love to have a man that takes the time to spend time with his child.The guy should invite you to kick it with them some times,if he considers you to be special to him.

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel and widely disagree with these other comments from people telling you that you "should've known". I met my single dad boyfriend down here in VA while he was working on a bridge job in my city. He has two children (5 and 7)that live in Pittsburgh with their mother, his ex-wife. Upon meeting him, I had no desire to ever date him. He had to CONVINCE me to start dating him because I was so against the idea of dating a man with 2 kids and an ex-wife.. sorry but way too much baggage and I'm too young to be a step-mom. Mind you, I'm 21 and he's 34 (The age gap wasn't thrilling me either). But, I gave it a chance, and everything was great. I thought it was too soon, but a month into the relationship, he took me on a weekend trip up to Pittsburgh and I met his kids. They loved me, and I know I fell in-love with him that weekend, watching him with his kids. While he was down here, away from his kids through weekdays, our relationship was PERFECT. I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. He showered me with PDA, even infront of his friends, talked highly of me, and said all the right things that went straight to my heart. He was my best friend. It was a nice weekend getaway when we went up to PA to visit the kids for 2 days, and then left to return back to OUR life together. Recently, he's moved back up to Pittsburgh to take a job closer to his kids. Before he left, he was persistant about getting me up there with him. We talked about eventually moving in together and years ahead into the future. A month and a half later, I'm still in VA and he's still in PA. I call it a "Three Month Grace Period" because after those first couple months, things change and you're not in a close 1st with those kids anymore... you're practicly not even participating in the race. Now, I'm lucky if I get a phone call at 10:30 at night from him. Sometimes I go days without hearing from him and when I ask him what happened, he tells me he's just been busy. Well bullshit. You don't have 2 minutes out of your day to call? I've driven up there last minute to see him so he didn't have to drive down here after a long day of work, and now, I haven't seen him for 2 weeks and he wouldn't drive down here this weekend and his excuse was gas prices. BULLSHIT. Why do you have money to go out to eat every night but you don't have the money it costs to fill up your tank to come down here and see your girlfriend who you love and miss (supposedly)? I believe I've made plenty of sacrafice and one weekend away from his kids is not going to devestate them. I'm sick and tired of getting put on the back-burner after taking the chance and dating this man. I deserve a lot more. IF HE DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR A RELATIONSHIP THAN MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEGGED ME TO DATE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. I know that they're his kids and they come first, but I don't think I should come second to ANYONE. I've been very sensative to the situation, and incredibly selfless for a 21yr. old and I know and UNDERSTAND that he's missed out on parts of their lives and now feels the need to make-up for those times, but I knew this would happen and that's why I didn't want to start dating him. When he told me to TRUST him that he would make it worth my while if we dated, I believed him. So to answer your question, do what I'm going to do and leave. If my only purpose was to fill a void until he went back up and lived with his kids, than I think I'm worthy of a little more than that... and so are you. I think it should be 50/50 no matter what the situation and if a single dad wants to be in a relationship, than he has to know that HE'S going to have to make sacrafices as WELL as you.

His child will always be first. You need to be more understanding, and if this is a problem for you, then you need to leave. I'm not trying to sound rude, but when it comes to your child, everything is isn't as important.