Is it wrong to be friends with your children? Do you lose control of their behaviour and lose their respect if you try to be a friend instead of an authoritian role model?
by 
The Gurnard
ANSWERS: 3
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The whole friends thing is not a primary function. It's when it does become a primary function and motivation in the parents that it becomes a problem in their behavior as they grow up. Similarly with living vicariously through them or keeping them dependent for selfish reasons, that's another book though. Their needs have to be met first and foremost, that is the primary function. Being housed, clothed, fed, educated first. Second is discipline and they must be given order in their lives, by routine and accountability. Love has to be show during all these functions of a parent, it is not a separate function. All things must be done in a loving way with care and warmth even when they are being disciplined. You must maintain yourself as a authoritative figure throughout their childhood until they become adults. That is when you can become friends with them, when they are adults and can be treated equally. If you did a good job and they made themselves into good people, this should happen. Even if you do an outstanding job they still might not turn out right, there is never any guarantee.
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if you have children, do them a favour and be their friends. You have no idea how badly it hurts when your parents treat you like you're not important. you grow up not knowing them. and they never find out who you are. Gosh i feel like some little bratty teen. but it's a long story. and i'm not gonna bother going through it all. judge bill is right. it's love they need. i've confused the two.
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It is helpful to remember that children are not just small adults. But they are entitled to heir own identities. The mistake many parents make is to assume their children can read the minds of the parents. They can't anymore than a spouse can read another spouse's mind. When a child does something, he/she has a perspective based on their personal age and experience. This is different from an adults...and does not include the wide experience the parent has. A child doesn't want a "friend" in the parent, he/she wants a mentor, a leader, a monitor, a supervisor, a teacher, an instructor but mostly, a parent. Not a friend. Consider how you would treat the child of your friends...not like a "friend" but like an individual who deserves personal attention and consideraton. And lots and lots of love.
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