Mother to cute toddler in a store: "Stay with me or someone will take you away!" Good parenting? Phobias for later? Stupid woman?
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ANSWERS: 17
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There has to be a better approach.
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Not a good thing to say. The child needs to understand the importance of staying near mum, but not to be made so scared of other people that they develop phobias of being taken away. "Stay with me- otherwise you might get lost" is better.
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My mum used to say a similar thing to me and I haven't got any phobias. I think it's a reasonable thing to say, it is true, someone could have taken me.
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It's a hard judgment call. There are predators who steal children away in stores, and they do need to be warned. In fact, it is getting worse all the time. Many people complained to me because I kept my son on a leash when he was a toddler. Adam Walsh was stolen out of a Sears Store and later found murdered. There are 1,000 child kidnappings in the US every day. Most are custody disputes between parents, so you don't know if the mother was looking out for that. I think it is best to err on the side of caution.
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I believe that is a very unwise approach to take
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I have to say "good parenting". It does, sometimes, lead to some phobias later in life (one of my children got so scared she would almost not go anywhere alone), but I would rather be safe than sorry. It's also not a bad thing, to always have someone with you when you go somewhere, (with the crap that goes on nowadays).
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That's like saying "the boogey man will get you"...the instruction should occur at home over time, consistently..it is the mother's job to keep her child with her...she is putting that burden on her child, and using fear as her conduit! Bad parenting, I say. She might not be stupid but I think that would be a thoughtless thing to tell her child :(
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not good parenting to scare a child giving them thoughts that nightmares are made of. good parenting to teach children over time the Dangers of Strangers and good parenting to be the one in charge of keeping both eyes on the child at all times, not making it the child's job to keep both eyes on the parent at all times. that's more than can be expected of most children.
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Definite phobia, my mother used to use fear as a motivator all the time; not only did it not work, but it caused huge anxiety issues.
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Stupid woman, I see that nonsense daily at work. I also like 'don't steal or the mean lady will call the big bad cops on you', or the ever classic, 'I'm going to leave you here". What do they think they are teaching their children? Fear, loathing of cops, abandonment issues?
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in todays world you need not take chances knowone knows who is sick an twisted out there' yes scare your children it might just save there life if your child is'nt afraid of strangers they might go with them then the're gone is that what you want i don't think so.
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Healthy fear
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A toddler? Too young to rationalize the danger of being 'taken away' without instilling fear, which certainly can lead to a life-time phobia. If the child were 6 or 7, that's old enough to explain the kidnapping danger...and have it understood rationally by the child. For a toddler, the onus is on the parent to keep a close watch on the curious child who may inadvertently wander. The teaching is "stay close to mommy. If I can't see you I get scared"...making it about the adult, not the child.
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She's not stupid because she's right. if the child runs away from her, someone is likely to take the child away, whether that be by police or paedophile. I think a little bit of fear towards strangers is healthy if it could save the childs life. By the way, what else could this mother say to her child to instill the dangers of strangers?
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My mom & dad both said things like that (stay out of the road or you'll be hit by a car, yada yada yada) The only phobias I have are heights and Palmetto Bugs. I say things kinda like that to my kids. And quite frankly I HOPE they are scared. I hope they are scared enough to stay out of the streets and to stay with me.
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Depends on whether or not there was a prior discussion with the toddler at home. Would you think she was stupid if before leaving the home the mom sat the child down and explained "stranger danger"? She may have correctly taught the child that there are people who take children away from parents and her comment in the store "stay with me or someone will take you away" could have been a reminder to the child. If there was no prior discussion about strangers, then she may have scared the crap out of the child, but I guess we'll never know.
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You say "cute toddler" like it wouldn't matter if the child wasn't cute!
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