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by Anonymous on July 11th, 2006

Anonymous

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My boyfriend is 30 and I am 21 and he moves really fast. He is already talking about marriage, and our lives together and I don't know what to say. I tell him I need to go slow and sometimes I feel he wants the image of wife and kids, not me. Advice?

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Answers. 20 helpful answers below.

  • by gung-ho on July 11th, 2006

    gung-ho

    If he's going too fast, you should tell him that you want to take it easy. Age gap relationships can work well (there are 12 years between me and my husband) as long as you both want the same things at the same time.

    As long as you tell him kindly and don't yell, it should be OK.

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  • by Sosueme on December 3rd, 2008

    Sosueme

    He's already lived through what you haven't. He's made his choice. Ball's in your court.

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  • by Anonymous on June 5th, 2008

    Anonymous

    You're both at different stages of adult development.

    For him this could be an image issue. Where he is at it is socially appropriate for him to have a wife and kids and he may not feel like his life is 'complete' at his stage of development until he achieves that. This isn't an uncommon occurrence in a person's 30s. If you feel that way, you need to talk to him...because that is a really dehumanizing feeling to have. You're not a partner at that point; you're a prop.

    You on the other hand, are at the stage when you're trying to set the course of your life and determine the direction you really want to go in. You probably haven't even made up your mind about your feelings concerning marriage and kids yet - and that's fine. If he does want to spend the rest of his life with you then he has to realize he needs to give you the opportunity to grow and mature in your own way and own time.

    Anything short of that and he's attempting to control the person you're becoming rather than just loving and enjoying the person you are.

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  • by Sweet T on June 4th, 2008

    Sweet T

    Tell him the truth, your not ready to settle down right now.

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  • by medicgirl on June 4th, 2008

    medicgirl

    He is at the age of settling down, you are at the age where you are trying to figure out what you want. If you really can't see a future with this guy, it seems like you are wasting both of your time. At your age a 9 year age difference is really too much. You are at different life points.

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  • by eric on December 3rd, 2008

    eric

    Yeah. I have some advice. TELL HIM WHAT YOU JUST TOLD US! Just communicate, honey.

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  • by Eleni wears her b-e-a-utiful green COAT. on June 5th, 2008

    Eleni wears her b-e-a-utiful green COAT.

    I think you should talk to him? tell him you think that your moving a little to fast and tell him how you feel. if he really loves you he'd understand.

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  • by Shay37 on June 5th, 2008

    Shay37

    He's older and right at the age where he feels he needs to start the next phase of his life... You are way too young and need to experience more life for yourself. If you could see yourself married in 5 years then tell him you love him, but you want to make the right steps in the right time that is good for you... You need a little time to catch up.

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  • by ritababy on June 4th, 2008

    ritababy

    tell him ur not ready to settle down, although he is 30 and might be ready u however are still young and deserve to live life to the fullest. he should understand and appreciate it. let him know u love him and it dont mean u dont want to be with him, u just dont want to be married w/kids and a family to take care of at the moment.

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  • by weirdgurl101 on November 18th, 2009

    weirdgurl101

    well idk just please just take it slow; because you really don't want regret doing something you dont want to do!!!!!

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  • by lanuit281 on October 23rd, 2009

    lanuit281

    you can't do any thing that you don't want to do thats first second if you have told him that you need to take it slow and he is not then you need to say it again and again keep saying it till you think you are ready as for him you if you think he wants a wife and kids then i would say you need to sit down and talk to him about what HE wants if he wants a women then ads hared as it may be i would say walk away but keep it open tell him when he maks up his mind to call him you have to keep your heart safe you both need to know what you want and tell each other if you don't talk then how can you be happy togather hope that helps

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  • by howdulikemenow on June 5th, 2008

    howdulikemenow

    I agree that the 9 year age difference at this point in your lives is a bad thing. It would be better if it was 31 and 40. There's something about "growing up" that puts everything in doubt. You'll probably feel cheated out of your youth and tied to an anchor even if he's as good as can be. I think he really wants the wife and kids deal with you, so if you want a child it could be a good thing, but I wouldn't expect the relationship to last.

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  • by Thinker on June 4th, 2008

    Thinker

    Take your time! You have a life time to be together if it is to be and be happy or a life time of pure hell if it isn't! I learned the hard way by marrying to quickly and had a terrible marriage. True it lasted 15 years but it was the worst time of my life regardless of how hard I tried to make it work.

    If you have any doubts or hesitation or checks in your heart don't do it!

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  • by manihateashychick on June 4th, 2008

    manihateashychick

    sit him down and say its not me, its you (lol)

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  • by suMit on June 5th, 2008

    suMit

    He is 30 and for a man of 30 its quiet normal to expect what he is expecting but there is something he should remind hinmself and that is that he is into relationship with a girl who is 21....

    he need to think abt u also..after all he cant just think abt himself....He should know how it will be for you to think abt all this things at this age...

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  • by slyflow on December 3rd, 2008

    slyflow

    There is two people in a relationship. Sounds like he's pushing you to fast to hard. If he doesn't respect you now what will he do if you did marry him.

    I think you answered your own question. He doesn't want you.

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  • by SO.CAL on October 15th, 2009

    SO.CAL

    if you care for him, give him the opportunity to find what he is looking for... let him go.

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  • by victoryisnotmine on September 30th, 2009

    victoryisnotmine

    Sounds like he has failed at life and is looking for a fast way out for approval from himself and others. All that really matters is what you think. If he cared about you at all then he would already know because he asked you and cared and you would not have to ask this question.

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  • by Blackberry. on December 3rd, 2008

    Blackberry.

    Hes in a rush to settle down because of his age. Tell him that he needs to slow down and wait or he will lose you. Dont rush into marriage, it'll get ugly.

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  • by Wilders on February 19th, 2008

    Wilders

    Tell him to slow down. If he is a true boyfriend he will slow down.

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