My boyfriend begs to finger me, and stupidly I let him. Now he wants something in return, but I don't want to do anything. Any advice?
by 
annabear129
ANSWERS: 43
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If you let your boyfriend foreplay you, that usually leads to other forms of sex such as intercourse. It would be a wise decison to not let him do that. It's okay to not want to have sex. Maybe you're just not ready for that sort of thing. Your boyfriend wants more and he's playing it smoothly to get it. I would just tell him that you're not ready. If he gets angy and cannot understand your point of view, or he disrespects your choice, it would be time to let him go.
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Yes: Tell him to bugger off and leave you alone. If he was the one begging to let you do it in the first place, not vice versa, then he is entitled to nothing in return. Because he already, in fact, received what it was he wanted. Don't let him pressure you into doing anything else you don't want to do. You'll only regret it later on.
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Oh yes I have advice. Don't do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to be fingered then don't let someone finger you. If you want to be fingered but don't want to do anything in return then make sure that is CLEAR BEFOREHAND. This should help you avoid conflict in relation to the question. Letting him finger you does NOT obligate you to do something else that you DON'T want to do, however, it is a good rule of thumb to assume a guy is going to expect more than just putting his finger inside you if you let him put his finger inside you. Now, let me say again, guys' expectations do NOT obligate you, but if you let them know where you firmly stand then they will know ahead of time and they can't expect anything, not logically anyhow.
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i thnk hes just doing that to turn you on, so that hed get some kind of pleasure back.
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You should never do anything that you dont want to do. Dont be forced to do things that you dont want to do. If you dont feel right about what is happening you should leave, its is your body and he should have respect for you. Girls that stand up for themselves get more respect. Just stand up for yourself. You dont owe anything to him.
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Truthfully he's not at fault, entirely. If you are willing to give him something in return, let him pleasure you. If not, then don't let him, simple as that. If you do, and still not give any back in return, it'll make you seem pretty selfish.
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Your problem is that after all that begging to finger you, you allowed him, that only shows him that with begging and the right words, you'll give in, although he has NO RIGHT to pressure you into anything, you maybe make him feel that he can. If you didnt allow him to finger you, he would eventually get the point that YOUR NOT READY or YOU DONT WANT IT. Sorry but i believe, that your choice was wrong, and is whats leading him to believe that he can get something in return for something he wanted.
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This used to happen to me all the time, and it was the beginning of what became an emotionally abusive relationship. Anyone who "expects something" in return is a jerk, to start off with. Anyone who pressures you into a situation in which you are then expected to reciprocate is a MANIPULATIVE jerk. Sounds like he's a selfish little boy who can't keep his testosterone under control. Time to look for a man who will respect you AND your body.
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Just tell him that you only let him finger you because you cared for him. But you aren't ready to go farther. Also if he says "if you say you care then have sex with me" say " if you care about me you would respect my feelings"
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You are under no obligation, contractual or implicit, to reciprocate. The spirit should be of giving, not of trading. Having said that, in the spirit of giving I would suggest giving him a "Cleveland Steamer."
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Perhaps he should marry you and then you would be in a position to give him something in return.
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I think you should show him the finger girl
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Avoid opportunities where you are tempted. This game strategy is one guys have been using for years as a means to get even more from you. He is satisfying one of HIS needs when he services you. This isn't charity work, he is a volunteer. Find a new guy, and start fresh with higher standards.
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Yes, get a backbone and don't let guys pressure into doning things you don't want to. The next thing is to dump this jerk. After what you let him do all you're going to hear is how he wants a return of the "favour" he did you.
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just let him have intercourse 1 time and he will probably not bother you anymore. hope that helps.
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Let him stick four finger in you, don't be shy!
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Stop it now. Let him go. And start thinking about what's important in life. Sex is such a small part of your 70 or 80 years of life on this planet. Don't ruin your future with a mistake with some jerk.
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my boyfriend sometimes does the same, and he gets angry when I don't do anything in return. But, that's because he's sexually frustrated at times. If you don't want to do anything in return then don't let him finger you at all, unless you can/want to return the pleasure.
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just have sex with him
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Tell him how you feel and if he doesnt listen to your feelings then maybe you should find another boyfriend.
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Ah it was OK for you to get pleasure from him, right? But when a man wants pleasure from you, "it's disgusting." That's not fair. This is why men do not respect women. They treat men like sub-humans. What goes around comes around.
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by all means, return the favor. stick something up his ass!!!
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Why did he beg to finger you? That doesn't do anything for a guy.
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here is what u need to do - if u don't have these items buy some rubber gloves, anal lube, and prob a mask of some kind. Put the glove on, lube it up, of course the mask and tell him that since you let him finger you, you are wanting to return the favor and finger him, chance are he will not accept but if he does aleast you are prepared. Good luck and keep me posted. +3
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I think that you need to suck it up. That's what you get for letting him do that to you and not expect anything in return. And why are you asking random strangers on the computer for advice, don't you have any friends?? God you people make me so sick, if you have a problem then figure it out stop whining and complaining to everyone.
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Finger him back.
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You could just touch him on his scrotum and tickle it a little. This will give him a lot of pleasure, it is really simple to do and you'll be surprised how much you enjoy it.
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Just be yourself and do not be or do what any one else wants from you !
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if you dont want to do anything he cant force you
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a few of the early comments made me realize... you aren't sexualy active? I was thinking of "favors" like techniques and positions. dump the jerk. he is just trying to get into your pants. you are right you should not have let him finger you and would be even more stupid to let him pressure you into more. find a BF with the same moral code as you.
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What are your ages. I assume you both are still in school. If he's 18 and over, he shouldn’t be doing anything to you. He begged you to do something. He obvious wants more then you think he does. Next time he asked you for that favor, tell him ok you’ll try. When he’s smiling and ready, tell him he needs to bend over and drop he’s pants. Then take out your ball point pen and hold the pen in your right hand When he ask about the pen, tell him you have weak fingers so you're going to use your pen to stick up he's ass. When he objects, tell him you're returning the favor. Try to be serious. lol. .If he freaks out, put the pen back in your purse and pull out a long screw driver and ask him if this was better. If he doesn’t get the message, you need to drop this guy like a ton of bricks. Good Luck. (if you actually do this, I sure would like to know how it went. lol.
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it's all about him, isn't it? NOT!!! at your age, (I'm assuming you are really young) kick him to the curb.
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Dont do ANYTHING back. Dont let him finger you again. He is manipulating you and you need to smarten up, girl. You have a whole life of protecting and defending yourself from guys like this. Start now.
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tell him to give you oral sex
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A guy said that to me would have been looking for someone else,you have already done him a favour by letting him finger you,and he still has the gaul to ask for more,bring his ego down a few steps and ask him if that was the first time that he had fingered a woman,because he didn't even know how to do that properly,and that there was no way that he was getting anything,and make it quite clear to him that you oue him nothing,and if he wanted to act like a little child,to go and buy a nappy,and that you didn't want anything to do with him,AND GOOD BY.
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don't lead him on
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he was begging to do it, therefore you dont owe him anything, even if he didnt beg, you still dont owe him. tell him you dont want to do anything to him and tell him to let it be.
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the best thing to do is talk to him and tell him why you dont want to do that, he will most likly talk about it with you and understand you. if not theres gonna be more problems down the road cuz he dont understand your not ok with doing thoses things.
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First of all, you need to let him know how you feel. Secondly, you shouldn't do anything that you're not ready to do. When you start things like that they will always want more after. It sounds like you want to please him but you need to please yourself first. Trust me when someone really cares for you they will wait until you're ready and if they can't wait then I don't need to tell you how fast you need to kick him to the curb. :)
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im no bein nasty im just stating my personal thoughts here but if i was in ur situation id feel selfish in not returning the favour. a relationship takes two people and includes doin a lot of things 1 partner doesnt want to do but they do it to keep eachother hapy. and its the same both ways. although u shudnt do anythin ur not comfortable with. tell him how u feel about it and explain y. mayb he wil b 1 in a million and understand.
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he is intrested in that so..just keep away,dont forgive ....him,u took gud decision...
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Sounds like you are being forced. No means no and if he cant deal with it he has to go
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Do I understand: you think it is stupid that you allowed your boyfriend to do something to please you and you do not want to do anything to please him? Maybe you should reconsider if you want to be in a relationship with your boyfriend. Or he may feel that it is not worth being in a relationship with you. Open up your communication with your boyfriend and talk about what you each want sexually. Good Luck
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