ANSWERS: 83
  • Having sexual relations with a girl that age is a felony in the state I live in. I would let him and her know that.
  • This is a thorny problem. She is probably beyond listening to your advice. You could call the police, if you have proof, and charge him with rape even if it was consensual. However, you would most likely lose your daughter's love and trust. But it's obvious you want to try to protect her from being hurt (physically and mentally). The proverbial being between a rock and a hard place. It will be a tough decision.
  • I would be holding a baseball bat, do not wait to be the parent - it is your job. a 14 year old is a child, a 20 year old is a predator - get a restraning order if you need, stand your ground
  • At the police station, making a report. Save the messages and take the phone with you. Good luck.
  • As a parent you could confiscate her cell phone and monitor her activities. Visit your local police station and inquire about a restraining order. It will take tough love.
  • You stand as the people who are responsible for your daughter..who is still a child. Do what it takes..press charges, get a restraining order, kick his ass...damn!
  • i don't mean to sound rude, but you shouldn't even have to ask. a 20 year old dating a 14 year old is illegal, and he can go to jail if he's had any sexual contact with her, consensual or not. cut it off and tell him if he speaks to her again, you'll get the police involved. yes, your daughter will be pissed off at you for a while, but is it really worth the alternative?
  • The difference between 14 and 20 is MAJOR, it is not like a 20 and a 26 year old. This man is at a totally different maturity level than your daughter and could be making her do things she can't even imagine, let alone be ready to do. My little sister is 14 and she is still my baby, definately NOT ready to have sexual relations with a grown man. If I were you I'd try to protect my daughter from him. She may think she loves him now, but he will make her mature much faster than she should and you will regret it if you do not seek help.
  • Call the police right now.
  • A 20 year old interested in a 14 year old is VERY WRONG. I'd say even a pedophile. File a police report, because sexual relations between those ages are illegal- and there's a reason those laws were passed, you know.
  • i would most likly strangle him,first i think age is just a number but only when both r of legal age,shes just a kid still,and u can go to the cops n have him arrested but then if she really likes him she will rebel and do something she would regret later,i sure dont envy u,hope u get this worked out,if u would like to talk further u can contact me,i know a lil bit on dating younger.
  • As parents, we don't stand a chance! A 15 year old is old enough to make her own decisions. Whatever she decides is right for her life. She'll just have to be able to pay for it. I have three daughters and it breaks my heart to watch them pay for the choices they have made.
  • You stand with phone in hand reporting this dummy for statutory rape.
  • That depends on where you are. Many places would consider it statutory rape... but not all. Additionally, you would have to prove that they actually had sex. Depending on their relationship, she may not be willing to go along with your attempts at prosecution. I really hate to say it, but legally and practically you really can't do much. I don't think a restraining order will help. Violence (or even threats) will put YOU in jail, unable to protect your baby. Either reason with her or accept that you're pretty helpless. Oh, and if you DO try reason, she is not a little kid. She may not be as mature as you or I, but she isn't 6 either. Treating her as if she were a child, or even implying that she lacks the maturity, may shut her down completely and you might be lucky if she EVER listens to you again.
  • You might consider what the most productive focus of your attention could be in this situation. Establishing and maintaining open communication especially with the daughter (but ideally with both) seems to be the most optimal focus. The parent distrusting or fearful of this situation is already projecting that onto both the daughter and her boyfriend; when you project fear, those upon whom you do that typically follow two reactions: they too get scared or they defend their desired positions against, in this case, the scared parent. Both of these reactions block or even shut down communication and actually creates further separation. Without dismissing the importance of this to the parent, I will reiterate that the focus needs to be having open communication. You do this by trusting, coaching, educating, (but not from a place of distrust or panic) and, perhaps most importantly, accepting and trusting. I'm not guaranteeing a specific outcome but I am saying that focusing on communication will enable all the parties to handle any situation that may develop with reason as opposed to some over-blown all out panic.
  • I would call the cops and have them have alittle "talk" with this child-molester,
  • You better keep your daughter under your control 14 year with 20 year old is callde sexual predator.
  • As a now 30yr old that was with a 20yr old at 15... get him AWAY from her now! YOU HAVE THE CONTROL! No matter what!!!
  • As a parent, you have the right to keep an ADULT from romantically engaging with your CHILD. If she were my daughter, she would be grounded and forbidden from seeing him. I would either take her cellphone from her or remove text messaging capabilities from it (which is easy to do) and have his number blocked. I then would get the police involved by telling them that you suspect he is sexually involved with her. Show them the texts if necessary. That should scare him enough to stay away from her.
  • Well this one is always a touchy subject. He should be scared because if he is sleeping with your daughter, (you need proof) that is illegal. But consider this before you report it. Are you against it completely. Is he the kind of douchy guy you don't want around her, or could it turn into a marrage eventually? 5 years is not a large difference if your daughter is mature enough to handle it later in life. I'm not saying sleeping with a 14 year old when your 20 is right, I'm saying when he is 25 and she is going on 20 if they are still together that could be a good thing. Over all, if you report her boyfriend, you better be ready for the flack you will have to take from her, and be strong parents. I myself am fearing this very event possibility from my daughter in 14 years because I know if it were my daughter I would put a stop to it quick. Threaten the 20 year old with legal action, if he doesn't seem scared call your local police. Tell them you want him to have no contact with your daughter. Let them know you suspect sexual contact, and they will question him on it. Let your daughter know this is unacceptable behavior, and if she continues there will be consequences. I suspect this relationship could be brought on by something lacking in her life, or her upbringing. Maybe a too liberal upbringing or she is allowed too many freedoms.. You said your daughter has a cell phone, per text messages to him. My advice, if your child is under 18, they don't need a cell phone.
  • first of all its illegal. second of all,you are the parents. third of all, call the police. are you nuts..id have shot him by now
  • how the hell do you know what text messages she has received?
  • If they really like each other and no-one's getting hurt, don't do anything drastic. Just make sure they know how to protect themselves.
  • Unfortunately as Americans, kids don't respect or obey their parents and then they often hurt themselves or ruin their lives. No matter what you say your daughter might still disobey you. But If you have a good relationship with her I would do my best. That guy sounds like a jerk. I really wish you luck.
  • as a younger child i know how it feels to be in such a relationship, if its to become sexual make sure u take it up with someone, don't stand back, things can go wrong and generally do. Still approach her first and make sure she understands why your doing it in the first place, as a oyung girl i know how it feels to be kept out of the dark on things and to lsoe someone you care about because of parents can mean tention between us..
  • The motives of a 20 y/o boy are far different than a 14 y/o girl is ready for in a relationship. He will pressure her to turn the relationship sexual if he hasn't already. As a parent myself, I would have ended the relatinship already. She should be around boys her age. If that isn't enough, it's illegal, call the Police.
  • I don't see any other option here but to either confront him with your suspitions, or call the police. It might go over a LITTLE bit better if you confront him, (maybe both of them together), and let him know that it ends now! Just the thought of getting the police involved may scare him off, (I hope). If that doesn't work, go ahead and call the police! She is still a minor, and you are still charged, (as parents), by law, to protect her from potentially harmful situations. Yes, she will probably be very mad, but, in the long run, I believe she will thank you. I just noticed the question was about a month old. I hope you folks worked it out okay!
  • I was in a similar situation when I was 15, and I wasn't hurt in any way, in fact, he was one of the nicest and most decent guys I've ever met. However, I understand that your situation might be quite different. I would have a talk to my daughter and try and sort it out before I did anything drastic. Just going and stopping her from seeing him will only make her hate you, and if she is anything like I was, she would find a way to see him anyway. If you really feel that it's necessary to stop her seeing him, then try to do so without telling her she's too immature, as that will make her angry before the conversation really even starts. If it's getting too out of hand, and if he is a crumby guy that's only in the relationship for one thing, I suggest that maybe you should call the police. Hrmm, it's a tough situation... I feel for you.
  • i agree with Brokedog. She is only 14(or 15 now) and he is 20. if i had a daoughter and she was with someone more than 3 years older i'd be asking questions. also think about the type of guy he is if he is really trying to have sex with someone freash into high school when he prob graduated 2 to 4 years ago... if at all. by law, assuming they have had sex, because of the age difference he is a sex offender and a sexual preditor is not the type of person your daughter should be seeing. another person that could give you great advice is Dr. Drew on Loveline. I have heard questions like this asked befor on his show. (1-800-love-191)
  • The act of sex is not a requirement for the 20 year old to be a sex offender. Turn the text messages over to the authorities. Have you watched the TV show on catching predators? They send text messages and show up to have sex and the police grab them. Check with law enforcement to see what agency deals with the issue.
  • Guilty. You are allowing your child to see an adult as a boyfriend.
  • In most states if they had sex, it is statutory rape, whether she consented or not.
  • If you trust they guy then use your own judgement but if he seems like a jerk that doesn't respect you then how can you expect him to do the same for your daughter?
  • Yeah you should be able to go to the police on that one. In Pa it counts as stagatory rape.
  • I'd tell the creep to get away from my CHILD (because that is what she is) before I get the police involved!
  • I would be standing in front of a locked door with a shotgun.
  • Here's where I'd stand if my daughter was ever in that situation. A:) I'd make sure she knows just how wrong it is, and how much of a loser that guy is and the only thing he wants from her. B:) I'd let the guy know in no uncertain terms is he to contact her ever again unless he wants me to beat his ass and THEN call the cops. C:) If he persists on contacting her, I'd call the cops. If I found out he'd done something sexual with her, I'd find him, and beat his ass before turning him into the cops.
  • Did you hire a body guard for your daughter? The twenty yo acts like a predator. Its been a few months. What happened?
  • DON'T CALL THE POLICE.. IT WOULD ENSTRANGLE HER.. PRESSURIZE HER UNTIL THE ACME OF STRESS, and then reduce her to fear, tears and just maudlin tremors... cannot you contemplate the context in why she is seeing a 20 year old instead of someone of her own age? ....................................the major reason for this is because of her maturity. some girls feel that partners of their ages are immature. obviously any relationship would turn sexual.. and the relationship with the 20 year old and your daughter wis obviously illegal.. but cannot you sustain it? do you know what the lies are embedded within your daughter? does she look 18? think about these reasons before contacting the police please.
  • Does she look like she's 15? If she does then he's likely a pedophile. Only 14-16 year old kids like the look of other 14-16 year old kids. If he's 20 he should be looking at and interested in other women in their 20's(maybe 17 and up). But by no means 15!
  • Since your daughter is under 18, you have full rights in her seeing anyone over 18. Even if she is having sex willingly, her having sex with someone over 18 is considered statuatory rape and you could sue him. She may think she is in love, but she has more time to see other people around her own age. Even so, her seeing a counselor would help her in making better decisions in her relationships, including sexual choices. http://www.lawforkids.org/speakup/view_question.cfm?id=22028&topic=SEXUAL_ASSAULT_AND_MISCONDUCT "Question: Could my father or mother stop me from dating my 19 year old boyfriend? Since we aren't having sex could they press any charges against him? "Answer: If you are a minor (under 18 years old in Arizona) your parents have the right and duty to control you and the duty to support you. In certain circumstances, a minor who can fully support him or herself will become an emancipated minor. However, this means the minor has the full responsibility of all of his or her needs. Merely contributing to your support does not mean that you can become emancipated. Your parents have a duty to protect you and provide for you. Your parents do not have a duty to allow you to do what you want. Your parents will lose their right and duty to control you if they abuse it. This usually involves some sort of criminal behavior, or behavior that puts you in danger. Not feeding, clothing, or houseing you would be Unless you are fully emancipated, or your parents legally lose their right to parental authority, you cannot leave home without their permission. If the 19 year old boy, that you are interested in, is not committing a crime then he would have the opportunity to prove that within the process if charged, but then your parents would not have a reason to press charges either." More information on teen dating... http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/fy851
  • thats a really tricky subject you could always do what everyone else above me says but idk she could always secertly meet somewhere you never know esp. with girls
  • As long as your 14-15 yrs old is living in your house, she needs to abide by your rules even outside of the house. If you havent set a clear expectation of what is acceptable or not-its never to late to start taking action. The sex offender laws also include 'statutory rape'. There is nothing innocent when the family doesn't take action once both the 14yr old and 20yr have been warned. I doubt your daughter has a job that can pay for her phone, clothes, food and a roof over her head. Be a parent even if it means having to be the bad guy. I would impress the rules rather than trying to impress your daughter.If the 20 yr old can't understand the repercussions then at least you tried before he has to be burdened by that on his criminal record.
  • ummm.. she is really young and you need to cut her off take away her cellphone and computer and anything else she likes doing dnt let her go out do what you can to stop her from seeing him
  • A 20 year old!!!! He must have something seriously wrong in his head to date a 14 year old girl!!!!! I'd tell him to stay the hell away from her!! I'm sorry, but this man is almost a paedophile!!!!
  • You as the parent have the right to take the phone away. You could also report him because that is VERY illegal!
  • arrest the fucker
  • Do you mean legally? It depends on the state that you are in. Generally (but it varies from state to state) the "legal age of consent" is somewhere between 14-16, but with stipulations about how large the age difference can be (which, from state to state can be anywhere between 2-5 years). For example, here in Colorado, the age of consent is 14, but there can be no more than a 5 year age difference. My biggest concern is that a 14 and a 20-year-old are in two completely different stages in life (or should be, anyway). My question to him would be what he could possibly see or want in a relationship with her. If I were you, I would definitely put my foot down. Of course she might try to find a way to get past your rules and go to see him, but she should know that if she does, she herself could be in some serious legal trouble. When I was her age, I was doing the exact same thing, and I basically stopped once I got picked up by the police. You should also let him know that she is not 18, you don't approve (if you don't approve of course), and that until she is 18, he can't see her. If he does, you have every right to take legal action - like restraining orders. You could try to work something out between the two of them and yourselves, but if I were you, I would either make them wait a few years, or tell him to get lost. What he's doing is seriously creepy. As for what to do with your daughter - no matter what you decide to do, let her know that you're doing it because you love her and are concerned for her safety. She might not understand it (like I didn't when I was her age), but it really is for her own good. But make sure that she feels loved by you, and not so much like she's being punished.
  • u shud let ur daughter see him, but ask can u meet him or tlk to him to c wat he is like coz there is nothing worse than ur parents telling u hu u cn and cnt see. and as for the sexual bit thn just tell her 2 b carefull wat she is doing.
  • Time to get the police involved. It could be case of statuory rape if sexual. Around where I live we make it very plain that his next address may have a headstone involved. Mr Bill
  • Can you say statutory rape.... If talking to this loser does not work threaten him with calling the police. If this does not faze him than call the police. He is waaaay too old for her and as parents it is your responsibility to do what is best for your daughter... Good luck
  • I know a woman who is still scared of the guy she was involved with when she was 14 and he was 21. It turn our he was abusive in so many ways. This is a signal that he has issues that she does not ever need to confront. Hell put her on and I'll talk to her. I also was involve with a woman who was 24 when I was 16 and no matter how much you think your ready at that age your not.
  • Take away her call phone for starters,then explain statutory rape to her and him if you can.There's nothing like a good threat to change someone's behaviour.
  • turn his a$$ in for statury rape use the text messages as evidence
  • between the daughter and the 20 year old at all times
  • Maybe he doesn't realize that he can go to jail!!!!!
  • Truly -IF- you do not know where you stand than its almost too late. However; Norplant is available. Certainly vaccine to prevent cervical answer. - And the twenty year old should not turn 21 without a LOT of attention from the local police and courts. Send your daughter to "Outward Bound" camp in Calif. Submitted
  • I'd start by asking that question of your local police. I'd also look up his record. If he has one, its possible it was expunged at 18, but he may have prior offenses.
  • Tell her that she is too young and that any more contact with him will result in HIM going to jail. If she cares about him she will break it off. If you see him you tell him that you are getting a restraining order and if he has any more contact with her, he will be arrested. She should be 17 or 18.
  • For starters you need to talk to your daughter calmly and explain why you are concerned and that you need to do something about it for her sake. She might be angery at the start but she wil get over it and this man needs to be reported as he is commiting a crime regardless if their was consent. He obviously doesn't care that you are concerned so he does not need any chances.
  • yeah i would confront both of them and tell them either they end or you will handle it with a restraining order and possibly more... she may "hate" you but i say its worth it she is young this is not the guy for her
  • I thought that having sexual relations with anyone under 18 was illegal, no matter if you're a minor or not. Why would you want to see a girl when there are so many women out here anyway?
  • If you are open-minded and realistic, you can help them have a decent relationship. I personally think she's too young to be having sex, but then again, a 20-year-old is not as mature as you may think. They are basically 5 years behind so you can imagine your daughter is really dating a fifteen-year-old. However, you can accept that she's going to see him (whether you like it or not) and talk to both of them about having a respectful, responsible and accident-free relationship. Or you can be unaccepting, be one of those (sorry in advance) douches who say their daughter is being sexually molested when you know that she knows exactly what she's doing and ruin his, her and your lives in the process just because you don't want to accept that girls as young as 11 are having consensual sex and there's nothing you can do about it. Statutory rape charge is made for parents of girls they can't control and control is not a good enough excuse to send a man to jail. Interfere now and you are just setting the stage for her to keep doing stuff like that or worse.
  • 15 years old is too young to be dating. A 20 year old is out of the question. I think there is something wrong with a 20 year old who wants to date a 15 year old. As a parent, I would put my foot down and not allow it.
  • File a restraining order against him. Or just kick the ever-loving shit out of him.
  • SHE is a minor . Take Control !! Go to your local Prosecutor's Office and let them direct you ... This guy can get JAIL time . Also; the daughter needs to go to Juvie for being an Unruly Child , if at 14 she refuses to listen to YOUR rules.
  • "Where do you stand?" right on his throat! At 14 she doesn't have ANY say or rights - He's a pedophile as far as I am concerned.
  • they guy is 20 yrs old call the cops
  • im a 18 years old now and when i was 14 my boyfriend was 19 and i though that i was inlove wit hem and my parents confronting hem and we still talk even after that and if you run hem away your child is going to resent you for awhile like i did my parents but it is only for the best bc he has a baby now and if we would have kelp seeing each other i could have been the one with a baby
  • next time he visits, it would be a good time to clean your double barrel shotgun.
  • You call the police and have him arrested. Then you get a restraining order. If he contacts her again, he'll be in prison. Why would you even have to ask this? Protect your daughter.
  • Where do you stand she is a minor you are in charge. You are her protector she can like it or not. You need to get rid of the 20 year old. Police would be more then happy to explain the facts of life to him like jail time. He's been confronted (by you) File a complaint I believe it's contributing to a minor get it on the record, now
  • Sadly your daughter right now thinks you know nothing. That you have never felt the things she feels and could in no way ever know what's best. She will be mad at you and you may want to invest in some counseling for the family after this is over. Now is the time to call the police and set an appointment with someone there and talk to them and see what you need to do. They have more than the people in blue; they have special departments for this. They will walk you through and will even have a talk with the 20 yrold explaining that he will be arrested and the title sex offender will follow him and he will have to register his name everywhere he goes just because he had a fling with a 15 yrold when he was 20. Bet that will scare him and if not he gets arrested. You and your family start to heal. It will take time but she will forgive you, your job is to protect her.
  • I agree with many of the "answers" to your question. Yes, a restraining order and the threat of jail time is perfectly appropriate, HOWEVER, you have a relationship with your daughter to cultivate and by unilaterally taking action against someone she naively feels "in love with" could damage your father/daughter connection. If I were you, I would first give her the option of making the decision HERSELF. Tell her that she will have to tell this guy to stay away until she turns 16. Then, if he is still around, she may date him under supervision. By empowering her to make the decision, you may very well have a better resolution. If she refuses, then, of course, you will have to involve law enforcement, again, all in my opinion.
  • Any sexual relationship, would be considered statutory rape. She is not old enough to legally consent...and since he's over 18.....he would face jail time and would be listed on the sex offenders registry. I know this for a fact, happened to a neighbor's son. He was only a few months over the age of 18, his girlfriend was 17. Her parents found out and pressed charges. Now, for the rest of his life he is branded a FELON and is on the sex offenders registry. The girl consented and he wasn't her first, but it has ruined the rest of his life..........IF I were you, I'd do a background check on him. Anyone that age, preying on such a young girl, must have other problems.
  • You stand in the land of the chicken shit parents, what in the hell is wrong with you?
  • First, call the police and make a report. Advise this adult boyfriend of the police report. Second, obtain a restraining order, preventing this adult from having any contact with your daughter. Third, make sure the restraining order has been served and advise your daughter of the order. Fourth, if you do not already have one, you need to contact an attorney and advise of the situation. the attorney will be prepared to take action, if the restraining order is violated, along with the police. Fifth, be prepared to follow through with prosecuting this person. Your daughter is a minor and her boyfriend is an adult. this gives you plenty of authority to oversee her friends and boyfriends. You will be working closely with the police and your attorney. The boyfriend may have to be arrested. if this happens, thats okay. He needs to understand where he stands, when it comes to dating a minor.
  • im 16 male, and i think this is fucking retarded... your daughters bf is screwing me by not giving me a chance in my own age group... does this mean i have to find a a girl that is 11? if i were you id go to the cops... make sure you tell him.. be like im going to the cops because this is statutory rape... then drive to the station... phone in hand as evidence... and make your police report
  • As your daughters parents, you have several choices available to you. First, a Restraining Order. you can sign a Restraining Order forbidding this adult to have any contact whatsoever with your daughter. call your local police. Second, keep tabs on the text messages. if this adult is sending flowers, letters or leaves anything where she will receive it, then stalking is not out of the question. Your daughter is a minor and its your responsibility as a parent, to see that she is protected. I know this is what you want to do. Remember, if your daughter has sex with this adult, it is rape.
  • LOOK; as her PARENTS all you need to do is visit the local PROSECUATOR's Office .... THEY will put the fear of God into this pedaphile .... +5
  • If he has sex with your daughter he is breaking the law. Statatory rape is a crime and maybe when he is getting ass fucked in prison by some big guy name bubba he will rethink messing with underage girls.Let him know you are calling the police if he is having sex with your daughter.
  • Yes you need to get the police involved if they wont stop seeing eachother, this guy more than likely wants only one thing and that will leave your daughter messed up for the rest of her life. I've seen it happen so many times, and to the most beautiful and sweet girls, they believe they are worthless after he leaves her cause he got what he wanted then she just gives it away :(
  • Call the police. And ground your daughter. At 14 and 15, I always knew where my daughter was and who she was hanging out with. My daughter never would have had an opportunity or enough time to be having sex. I told her to pick a sport to be involved in. She was around people her own age and doing things that didn't put her around 20 year olds. I was very proactive in my daughters activities and who she hung out with. I insisted on knowing all of her friends. And even now that she's older, she is in the habit of making sure I know what's going on and who she's with. Sure we've had our moments of her trying to sneak things around me. But I usually figure out what's going on and she hates that. So she prefers to just be up front and honest with me today. The 20 year old in your situation though needs to deal with the law. Because he is breaking the law! If you knew that he was stealing, dealing drugs, or killing people, would you call the cops? Well, having sex with your daughter is also breaking the law. Even if they haven't yet, I would find a way to put the fear of the law in this little boy. And make sure he knows that you aren't going to back down. Make his life miserable until he is either in jail or no longer wishes to hassle with your daughter.

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