How do you ask someone if they are having an affair or cheating on you without starting an argument? Because you know defenses automatically go up as soon as someone is accused of something.
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ANSWERS: 5
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I think this is pretty much a calm-discussion-free zone. It's probably not gonna happen.
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What is making you think that there is an affair going on? If you can have some sort of proof as to why you feel that way then have that with you when you start the conversation. But to be honest, it will probably turn into an arguement. If they are cheating they will get defensive and if they aren't they will be hurt that you didn't trust them. But if you have to know for your own sanity bring it up and hope for the best, but expect the worst.
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you simply can't. and yes your right defenses will go up when you start accusing someone thats a given. You yourself would react the same way.
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Ask them to explain the questionable night/person/relationship. That should also give you some information on their feelings depending on how flustered they get or what they choose to hide. Start with a wide open question. The best suggestion I can give to you is to stay as calm as possible and don't let them change the focus or get you defensive. Be ready to explain you were getting worried or concerned about the situation because you care about the other person and your relationship (a little guilt won't hurt the situation and backs you if there is nothing going on). Also: make sure you ask questions you already know the answer to for best results. It'll help you judge what you're hearing... I know it's hard. Don't expect to get it resolved in one sitting but don't give the other person too much time to think up excuses and cover stories. Good luck, hopefully your suspicions are incorrect!
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There's no way to not get the defenses up in this situation. All you can do is present the person with facts (not suspicions) if you have facts. If you are just suspicious, dig around. Clues are alwayas left behind. If you ar wrong, tell the person you were snooping & BE HONEST! If you do find something, & they get defensive with the facts in their face, then that is something you have to deal with as it happens. Guilty people get defensive...that's all they can do.
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