ANSWERS: 3
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Seriously. You have no need to worry about such a thing happening. It will not happen.
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No, no, don't worry. And if you avoid using soap you even get to keep all the dirt that you have!
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If hydrogen-oxygen bonds break down, they will absorb masses of energy and you will be frozen to a statue, not blown up. But then I should also worry about nitrogen and oxygen in the air combining with the water to make nitric acid and corroding you away. And while you are at it, worry about someone switching off gravity so you float naked out of the window and everybody laughs at you.
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