• If you lose your deoderant, just carry around a wet monkey and no one will notice that you smell bad because the monkey's stink will overwhelm yours.
  • Ok, assume there is a room with nothing in it except a ladder and a banana hanging from a string at the top of the ladder. Now imagine that 5 monkeys are placed in this room. The monkey's natural survival instincts would move them to try and get the banana. Monkey #1 tries to climb the ladder to reach the banana, but as soon as he steps on the first rung, he and the other 4 monkeys are sprayed with a high powered hose that was hidden in the wall of the room. Monkey #2 tries, and again, all 5 monkeys are doused with water. Monkey #3 also tries, and again, all monkeys are drenched. As soon as monkey #4 tries to move towards the ladder, monkeys #1-3, and #5 beat the ever loving crap out of monkey #4. They do this because they have learned what happens when you try to climb the ladder. Now, assume we replace monkey #1 with a NEW monkey, monkey #1A. Monkey 1A has not seen anything of what happened before. Monkey 1A sees the banana on the string and moves to the ladder. Monkey #2-5 immediately assault poor monkey #1A. 1A is dazed and has NO idea what is going on. Now, remove Monkey #2 and replace him with #2A. 2A moves to get the banana and immediately is assaulted by #'s 3-5, AND 1A. Mind you, 1A has NO idea why he is beating up this new monkey, but he is joining in the group. Replace monkey #3 with monkey #3A and again, now we have a new monkey wanting the banana and 2 monkeys who know what will happen, and 2 ignorant monkeys beating the new monkey. Eventually, you will have all new monkeys who have never seen what actually happens when you go up the ladder, but all of them will assault anyone who tries. This is known as the "wet monkey theory" and is often used to describe the way humans act in relation to traditions. Business people use the theory to describe outdtated practices that clearly need re-evalutaion (much like my current task at work) I especially find it amusing when people use it to describe religious traditions because the theory is quite valid if you know anything about the factual history of the catholic church. (Most people are not aware that they people who wrote the Bible did not even live in the same time period as Jesus Christ!)
  • I once wet a monkey. Neither one of us enjoyed it much. After that we sorta fell out... he doesn't call or write.. I was sending him Christmas cards till he moved and didn't leave a forwarding address...

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