My boyfriend and i talk about getting married, but my boyfriend hasn't left his wife yet. what do i do? he says give me time. we have been together for 4yrs. what do i do>
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Anonymous
ANSWERS: 100
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You should think better of yourself, and get out of the situation. A friend of mine was with a married man whose wife was dying for several years. When his wife finally died, they were open about their relationship, but she later found that he was cheating on her. She broke up with him, and he was married a week later to the other "girl on the side." He is using you. If he had intentions of leaving his wife, he would have done it by now. If he did leave, you wouldn't want to be the homewrecker anyways. Consider why you have accepted the position of 2nd best. Take some time to do some soul searching, and heal yourself before you get into the next relationship... Just don't waste your time on someone who doesn't love and respect you.
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What are you doing? You are dating a man that is already married, a man who is cheating on his wife and you want to marry him!?! Does this really sound like a good idea to you? This is a guy who has already proven that he is unfaithful. Whatever his excuses, he has proven that he does not keep the promises that he made when he got married. What makes you think that he won't get bored and start cheating on YOU? Wake up lady. The guy is a jerk. Kick him out of your life and look for someone who has some integrity! Note, I am a guy and I am telling you this. This guy is a cretin and you are a home wrecker.
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Yeah. He's using you. That's pretty much it.
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Get a new boyfriend
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Honestly....he's cheating and you're the other woman, and you have been for 4 years now. No if's and's or but's....it's a go nowhere situation you've willingly acknowledged which right there gives him every reason to stay comfy right where he is...a wife and a mistress. Don't begin a relationship unless you're the ONLY woman, not the OTHER woman.
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MOVE ON , your getting what you deserve by staying around
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my divorce was long and drawn out too. (not no 4 years) but like 2, and i had a girl with the same problem as you. and it was hard on us. eventually it and some other things broke us up. couple months later i was divorced. i guess if you love him, stick with it. if there is no proof of divorce at all, go the other way. that is straight up adultery. if they are split, i dont consider it to be. it then is just court time.
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I'd tell him if he doesn't leave her by ____ date that your leaving. And if he hasn't left her then LEAVE. If he doesn't leave her once you've left then he never will.
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i really dont think he is going to leave her. he's playing you ... i'm really sorry to have to tell you this. so i think u should be the smart one and leave him ...
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If he divorces her and marries you, he will probably do the same thing to you and have an affair with another woman. Get out while you still can. Please don't deceive yourself. He is using you.
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GET OUT!!! Immediately!!!! If he will do it to her, he will do it to you in a heartbeat! You don't want to be with someone who does not believe in the sanctity of marriage!
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Four YEARS?? He won't leave his wife. He's got the best of everything. Why do you think you deserve only half a man, and not even a decent one at that? Why don't you think you deserve a good decent man all to yourself? Dump him and figure out the answers to those questions before getting involved with someone new.
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You do what you should have done 4 years ago....Let him go. He is not your man but his wifes husband.. If he has not left her by now,he ain't going to. Soon as he said"wife or married", you should have backed off...Never be second to none..
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People tend to talk from their heads but act from their hearts. So, if you want to know what a person really wants to do, look at what they are doing, and what they have done. What they say they will do, unless it is completely in line with what they are actually doing, what they say is not worth paying attention to. Look at the politicians.
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stand in front of the mirror and see what a fool looks like ...then give your self a good slap!!! and dump his ass
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Wow!Does his wife "let" him date??LOL!You shouldn't be with him at all.If he'll cheat with you,he'll cheat on you.
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Get some self esteem and some morals. The combination of these two would cause you to leave this relationship. Think about this: he has been feeding you a line for 4 years as he keeps you as a side dish. That is where the self esteem comes in. Do you really think that he is going to leave his wife for you after 4 years of sneaking around and lying? The morals come in with the fact that you know you are with a married man who is lying to his wife.
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Its not worth it, if he wanted to be with you, he would have gotten a divorce with her in a flash. Girl i think if he really cares about you he would have done something sooner. But maybe its just to hard to let her go yah never know...
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4 years? Give him time? Your boyfriend likes things the way they are. If you don't, you need to move on, because he is not going to give you what you want.
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He will never leave her,I know a girl in the same boat.
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Are you kidding me? You've been letting this lying peice of garbage lead you on for FOUR YEARS? How much more time do you need to give him before you realize he's never going to leave her? Nor is he going to marry you. After all he has the best of both worlds. He has a wife taking care of his house and his kids and giving him all the sex he wants. Plus a girlfriend who he can just screw and then go home. You're being used and hurting another women while you're at it. And even if he does leave her and marries you (so rare it's laughable) he'll just do it to you too. Don't think it won't happen. You already know you can't trust him. He has a pattern of lying and cheating on women who he's made vows too. You know what you do? You toss him to the curb like you should have when you found out he was married.
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I was just wondering what reason he is giving you for still being married. Is he living with his wife married or just still legally married? Are there children involved?
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get rid of him. he's never going to leave her. if after 4 years he still needs time, you need to let it go. you need to think better of yourself then to let someone put you second. please believe me when i tell you, he's not going to leave. **kisses**
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So you have been dating a married man for 4 years? The best advice I can give you is to stop being a hobag, drop him and find a man who isn't already in a committed relationship. While he is at fault as well, you are just as guilty in the situation. If you are so pathetic you cannot go find a man who isn't already with someone then there is no hope for you. Skank.
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I hate to have to tell you this but if he's married and you have been together for 4 yrs, I can almost say with 100% behind it that he's not gonna leave his wife he's telling you what he needs to keep you around.
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stay with him, you two are perfect for each other...keep waiting
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Let's just say he IS telling the truth. You give him time. He leaves his wife. He marries you... then the five-years-younger version of you takes her top off in a bar... and he leaves you for her. Bet you won't be happy when THAT happens.
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give up. they never leave the wife. it costs too much
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Dump him!
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You're living in a dream world and you need the hard, cold truth. I don't mean to be mean, but what he's doing to you and to his wife is. You need to be brought to reality. Break it off. He's cheating on his wife, what makes you think he won't cheat on you, if he isn't already?! It may sound cliche and it's not ALWAYS true, but "once a cheater, always a cheater". He's luring you into his world, and he's using you. He may say he loves you, but does he really? He says it to at least two people--and how many people can one person truly love (mom and dad don't count here)? Break it off and find someone better. Find someone who loves all of you and only you, not someone who has to constantly put on a different mask for a different person.
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If this is a serious question, then some of the comments are probably very hurtful. But please realize that this man is not your boyfriend - he is married to someone and the husband of another. He is not going to leave his wife for you. The best thing you can do is move on with your life and find someone who can give you himself completely. If this man ever leaves his wife, then he can come be with freely and without deception and without reservation. That is not the case now. You deserve better, even if you cannot see it now.
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He's probably talking about marriage to pacify you. To put it most charitably, he might be sticking with his wife because there are kids involved or if no kids, he might feel some compunction about cheating on her. It depends if you want to continue to hang around, putting your life on hold and knowing he is most unlikely to ever leave his wife. These guys seldom do, and there is NO guarantee they will marry the girl on the side if they split with their wife. I think give him the flick and look for a guy with no strings attached who will treat you with far more respect. But you also need to take time out for some soul searching to see why you are willing to accept second best. Also, if he's willing to lie to his wife, he'll do just the same to you.
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Move on.
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You haven't been together at all. He and his wife are together. You are his bit on the side. Dump the bastard. Better yet get his wife to dump him as well!
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Dump him, or ask his wife what she suggests.
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Im a really sorry, but you need to know normally in these type of situations the man keeps saying that he will leave his life, and he will soon. But he won't, he will just say it to keep you around. You need to find someone who wants you and only you, not someone who already has a special someone.
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I don't know who's the bigger idiot in this scenario-him or you. Probably both. I makes me sick what people will do in this world...why the hell are you even with him? He's obviously just a sex-driven horn dog who doesn't give a rat's @$$ about anyone. Not about his wife. Not about his kids. Not even about you.
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When this man confessed to you that he was married, you should have hit the door running. Leave this one on his own. If he hasn't left his wife to be with you, he never will. Go find a guy that isn't taken and respect yourself more than you have been.
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Go by a CD by Sugarland and listen to the song called "STAY". Maybe that will help you make the right decision.
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No. No. And No! Hon, he's married?! That's an obvious "hands off" right there. What if that were your husband? Cheaters never think about anyone else when they get down to business...look, this guy is just taking you for a ride. You may look at it as "being together" for four years, but HE'S seeing it as "she's "BEEN BUYING MY STORY" for four years. It is so rare that if a man has a mistress, he will leave his wife and family for her. His "give me time" bit is just another ploy to get you to keep hanging around and sleeping with him. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE IF HE HASN'T YET, AND IT'S BEEN YEARS! Do yourself a favor and cut the tie. Respect yourself enough to find someone who will not only respect you and not be ashamed to be with you, but one that is also AVAILABLE (as in, not married or in a relationship with someone else)! I hope this helps, and Good luck!
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you leave him.. he is cheating on his now wife.. if you two get married, who's to say he wont do it to you either?
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I don't care if you've been together for 10 years he's NOT YOURS! Quit calling him your boyfriend, he's HER HUSBAND! So here's what you do... STOP! He's using you and he's loving every minute of it. Why would he leave her for you since you've been letting him get away with this for 4 years?! You obviously haven't stood up for yourself thus far! Just chalk it up as life lesson #1... DON'T MESS WITH MARRIED MEN! That poor wife! You should really be ashamed of yourself!
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DUMP HIS ASS HE HAS JUST PROVEN TO HIMSELF THAT YOU ARE DUMB ENOUGH TO KEEP HIM AROUND EVEN THOUGH HIS MARRIED AND IF THE WIFE DOESNT KNOW THEN SHE IS TO DUMB TO NOTICE AND HE THINKS HE IS SO CLEVER TO HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT.IF SHE KNOWS THEN SHE DOESNT CARE .
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I know what I would do. If, after 4 years, he hasn't yet left his wife I would assume he is playing a selfish and cruel game with me the butt of the joke. I would quit while I still had some pride left.
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What should you do? Hmmm... Stop being a homewrecker? Just a thought...
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Dude you're sleeping with a married man. Imagine how his poor wife would feel if she found out. You're acting like a dirty home-wrecking whore. And he isn't much better. He should leave his wife for you because it sounds like you two deserve each other.
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Find an un-married man. Obviously his vows didn't mean too much to his current wife, what makes you think that it'll be different with you. ..Something about "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" comes to mind. If he hasn't scrammed after 4 years, he hasn't tried, and probably never will. Sorry.
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Find someone to marry who's not married.Lol!
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You do realize that you are "the other woman" in this situation, right? I would leave this person as soon as possible... and tell his wife, while you're at it.
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Faith without works is DEAD!! its been tooooo long.. Get out of that situation.
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The answer is up to you, you have to decide what is best. i try not to be judgemental.
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Dump him - he's a loser... oh yeah - so are you.
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You're wasting your life and your mental well being. FACE REALITY!!! He doesn't WANT to leave his wife!!! He's using you! He's a liar and a cheater! Get your self-respect back!! I have a saying: "If they cheat WITH you they'll cheat ON you."
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How is he your boyfriend , he is married to another woman. Find some self respect and leave another womans husband alone. He is using you as a bit on the side. It is very doubtful he will leave his wife for you , you are too easy and have no morals. He would not trust you as a full time partner no more than you could trust him. Two of a kind cheap cheats, actually you probably deserve each other and the way he is treating you.
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Walk away, you're being used yo...
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You are played all the way, for years, that is fucking long, he could say to his wife a long time ago, be he must be saying to him self, "why to have one when you can two", so now I will go to his wife and tell all, make sure that you have some shots (pictures), so soon he will be free like a bird on the tree, how knows, you might find some good looking honest law guy !
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WAKE UP!!! You would marry a guy that leaves his wife for you? Please understand that if he will break his commitment to his wife, then any commitment he makes to you is worthless. WAKE UP!!! MOVE ON!!!
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haha your "boyfriend" youre a little naive, arent you
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4 years is too long...I know you might think that its different for you...that you're not the cliche 'mistress' or 'bit on the side', but you are, and I dont mean to be blunt. You need to leave this man because you're too good for him, if the truth be told, such a cheating dirtbag doesnt deserve you.
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Move on....he isn't going anywhere.
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Okay I am going to take it easy on you darlin....I am in the same situation I am in an emational ralationship with a married man for about 4 months now. We are the best of friends. He has told me that he is leaving his wife and asked me about my lawyer I used for my divorce, but has decided to file on his own without an attorney and has even had me help him fill out his paperwork....we are planning on getting married. Like I said though I refused to be the reason for his divorce and refused to have a sexual relationship with him until eveything is finalized. The best advice I can give you is to tell him that you are not going to be his sex buddy, and taht you will not have any kind of sexual relationship with him until he is legally divorce. CUT SOME STRINGS WITH HIM
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You should have known better than to get involved with a married man. He's had plenty of time. He's keeping you on a string. Why should he get divorced? He's got his cake (marriage) and is eating it too (you).
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Girl! My aunt is in the same situation, only dif, is My aunt AND her bf are both married to other ppl!Sweety, LEAVE HIS ASS!!!!! He's getting ALL the benefits any man could ever dream of, and while he's enjoyig you and her, and (all the sex between you two), you're the one worried about the relationship...If he's cheating on his wife with YOU, don't think for one second he's not gonna do the same "if" he decides to marry you. Four Years is long enough(too long if you ask me) he's a just a greedy man, who is lucky enough to get fed by two clueless women. You're Better than that, Leave him, as soon as read this....and sure, when you leave him, he's gonna BEG for you to come back, he's Gonna LIE double the amount of times, and say he's gonna leave her immediately...and chances are he never will. So, do the right thing for yourself, and find someone who's worth having you.(And who's single too)! Good LUck!
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KARMA ALWAYS COMES BACK....END THE RELATIONSHIP ASAP
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Well if he has been messing around with you(and whoever else) for 4 years and is still with his wife, then that should tell you that he never plans on leaving her and is just using you.
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once upon a time ago, marriage meant something then again so did morals then...well...now there are whorebags like you *edit* and your boyfriend . guess humanity's failed at a few things
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Why are you still with him and why were you ever with him in the first place? If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. I pity his wife.
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First, you've played the fool for 4 years. How is it you've been "together" if he goes home to his wife after spending a little time with you? It's hard to believe he could string you along this whole time. Shame on you also for seeing a married man. What you've earned yourself is loneliness. After four years I'd figure you would see the light.
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Bwaa haaa...Oldest scam in the book!
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If he's cheating on her with you, then he's going to cheat on you with some other girl. Do not marry him.
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I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. Four years is a long time to play the fool.
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Get a new boyfriend. If he wanted to be with you so badly, he would have done it already. He is leading you on. I know 2 women in the same situation and being the other woman is a sad and lonely existance. They dont want out of the relationships, waiting for the guys to get out of their marriages. One has been waiting for 12 years and the other 3 years. They have made the choice to stay and wait and mean time they tell me how lonely they are and how they miss the guy all the time because he can only spend some limited time with them. You, like they, need to realize that you must love yourself first to find someone worthy of your love and this guy is NOT the one! Good luck.
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This is what you do - go to the bookstore, or to your library and get the book "He's just not that into you" SERIOUSLY Read it & you will know when not to "waste the pretty" p.107 "from your future boyfriend. isn't that a weird coincidence?" Hey, Hot Stuff, Can't wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it's soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I'm out here waiting. Your Future
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Before I met the man I am married to now, I was with a man who had been married for 13 years (he was quite a bit older than me) He talked so sweetly and I always felt so special when I was with him. But apparently never special enough for him to want to be with me and only me. You deserve to be #1 in his life, and just remember if he will cheat WITH you...he will cheat ON you....
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Wow, he sounds like a real catch. Please see a therapist and see why your self-esteem is so low that this is all you feel you deserve.
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hahaha, you plonker, he is never going to leave his wife and if he does he will only do the same thing to you. love or not your a fool, get the hell outta there and stop moaning. worst case sinario your too weak to leave, you tell his wife and let her do the right thing because your both treating her like an absolute piece of mess on your shoe. seriously think.... how would you feel?? selfish cow
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Your question is four years too late. I sorry to say that. In the first instance your relationship with a married man should have not started at all. You are a third party to a marriage union and your coming in between your boy friend and his legally married wife should never ever be encouraged. The best and the only option would be for you to leave them so that they could make amends to rescue their marriage.
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Say goodbye, change your locks and phone number and start a new life. You've been used, AND you've been the "other woman." Time to rediscover your moral compass.
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Answering as a person who has been there let me tell you that your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too. He will not leave her even if only in his heart. If you push, he may move out, but will he cheat on you? mine did- they address their inability to commit by adding additional relationships. The other thing that frequently happens if he ever does leave is that he then starts wondering and accusing you of cheating on him. PLEASE move on- you are headed for either no change from what you have now, or an even more unfulfilling road ahead. Make the better choice and move on!
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Whoops! He is stillll married after four years with you??? Time to find it within yourself to pack your stuff and move on. He has drug you along for long enough. You deserve a man all to your self. Don't you want your boyfriend all to you and not share him On the pretense of a promise to leave the wife? You deserve so much better! Shelly
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I think he is playing you. u have been hanging in there for 4 yaers waitng for your chance? Gilfriend iam telling u its neva gonna happen or the chances are very slimi think u should tell him to come back to u when his devorce is settle.
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But how can you talk about marriage with a man who is already married to another woman and still with her? About time that you should realiz that this man is using you my dear....move on....find a man who's really gonna marry you...don't waste more time!!!!
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He's not leaving his wife. But im sure you already know that. Your just looking for permission to stay with the looser. If he'll do that to his wife, He will do that to you also. Find a new man.
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ummm didn't he make that choice years ago to be married to this other woman who he is now unfaithful to with you behind her back, whose life is technically on hold while you are waiting for an answer from him, who is married, who has to go through a divorce and financial details before he even thinks about marrying you. WAKE UP. He has been with you for 4 years. Why have one piece of cake when he can have two? he is on to a good thing and you have settled for second best. ARE YOU GOING TO LET LIFE PASS YOU BY IN THE HOPE THAT HE WILL LEAVE HIS WIFE, GROW OLD AND NEVER HAVE THE LOVE OF ONE MAN JUST FOR YOURSELF? for him. You're stupid if you do.
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ur an IDIOT!!!! Hes cheating on his wife right now with you for 4 years!! So he leaves his wife...marries you but then hes gonna get bored with you and hook up with the next whore that walks by. grow up and find a guy that will treat you right. If he was goin to leave his wife he wouldnt left the FIRST time you hooked up!
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If he is cheating on his wife then he will do it to you too.
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Well I am married to a man who cheated, I kicked him out and he and her had a relationship for a short while until he begged for me to come back. Just remember what you are doing to this marriage and how do u think u will be any different if he does leave...what goes around comes around. what u do 2 others will come back around to u. And its been 4 yrs...wake up, he's not leaving his WIFE!
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stop swallowing his kids and find someone who will use you for what you are not just a windy piece of meat!
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Hun your dating a married man you are messing with fire!! Personally he dont sound like a good choice if he did that to his wife it could happen to you too. I dont want to discourage you but alot of men do not leave their wives.
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GIVE HIM TIME TO DO WHAT? SORRY TO SAY BUT HE WILL NEVER REALLY BE YOURS.YOUR JUST THE OTHER WOMAN.
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if you are tired...then leave him...go find someone out there for you
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How could you date a man that is married it is wrong ,he will probley never leave his wife after 4 years ,you cant call this man your boyfriend as hes already taken ,has this man got children ,even if he did leave his wife he is likley to do the same to you ,which im not being nasty but you would deserve ,my uncle did the same thing ,he left his partner and child for a girl he'd been out with many years before ,he regrets it to this day but is now doing the same to his current partner but i cant find it in my heart to feel sorry for her as i saw the state he left his previous partner in ,find someone single you are just being used.
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What??? I hope he does leave her for you. He doesn't deserve his wife. Four years? He isn't going anywhere. Too bad for his wife.
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Do? I think that after 4 years you would have wised up. That's what happens when you get involved with a cheater...he doesn't want a relationship with you, he just wants to keep cheating on his wife and considers himself lucky that he happened upon one of those who are "born every minute".
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If he has a wife he shouldn't even be with you. He needs to be getting a divorce already. He shouldn't be sitting there telling you to wait just because he knows you will. Thats rediculous.
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just wait and keep waiting cause when he marries you well u know what they say karma is a bitch....*smacks her head on desk*
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sweetie (hugs)-you could have paid a car off by now. I think that you need to start taking that power back that you gave him so long ago. I had dated a married man however it didn't get physical. WHY? because even though he may say that he doesn't sleep with his wife anymore-he most likely does. You are the one that makes him feel special and "alive". What's in it for you? Don't you get tired of saying "goodbye" and never just hello? Don't you get tired of sharing your life with him completely while you probably know nothing about his? Don't you get tired of hiding your happiness and the man you think you love from friends and family? Why would you want to parade someone else's husband around to people you love and love you enough to know that you are emotionally being held hostage by a "what if" or a "maybe" or "wouldn't it be nice?" Even the playing field. Date(casually of course). That way when you see him he knows that you have someone else and whatever he has is what he has been giving you for the last four years-leftovers Remember-that "someday" has been four years later.
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If he cheats with you. . .he'll cheat on you.
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i guess all your going to get out of this so called relationship is TALK...he is married to someone else, and hasn't gotten a divorce because it's not the important to get a divorce, when you have your cake and eat it too.
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you leave him alone hes already spoken for. If he really wanted to be with you he wouldnt be with his wife. if that seems harsh then i dont care because what you are doing is probably going to break his wifes heart if she ever finds out and IF he ever does leave his wife hes probably going to do the same to you anyway.............................and thats when you will realise what it feels like to be cheated on
Glenn Blaylock 
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