Dr. Laura Schlesinger says that when a couple divorces and have minor kids each one should not even try to start a relationship with anyone until the kids are 18 years old. "It is too traumatic for the kids". Isn't that quite unrealistic?
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Starmaster
ANSWERS: 16
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Isn't most of what Dr. Laura says unrealistic?
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That's completely unrealistic! If both parents are mature and take care in choosing a new mate, their homes can both be secure for the children. It's totally unreasonable for the parents to be unable to make a new life for themselves until the children are 18.
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It's unrealistic-to a point. However theres a difference between an actual relationship and having a new man/woman around every month or two. I've known parents like that, and it does not make a very good home life for their children.
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My children's step-father came into their lives when they were 10 and 2 and they love him so much. He has always treated them with love and respect and it shows with the love my boys give back to him. Nothing traumatic there.
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It's just as unrealistic as saying that if a person is widowed, they shouldn't start a relationship with another adult until the kids are grown. Kids aren't so easily traumatised as she thinks they are. It is actually better for the kids to see that adult can learn from their previous mistakes and create more positive relationships tham the marriage which broke down; it creates a good role model for them.
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That's completely unrealistic. I think that sort of selflessness isn't fair to the divorced parents. Ultimately, a parent's happiness is very important in establishing a secure environment for the children. It's important for the parents to take care of themselves so they can better take care of their children.
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Dr. Laura is an idiot.
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I think so, but I think the thought behind it isn't: Your children's well-being should always come first, above and beyond your own. A friend of mine has had 4 step-fathers and 2 step-mothers. Growing up, the stress of never knowing who was her "Daddy" that week has made her completely distrust men. Her relationship with her father is non-existent, because his current wife dislikes his children(long story there) I'm not saying that divorced parents shouldn't date or remarry, but remember that every person you bring into your child's life impacts them, for better or worse.
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well it depends on a lot of things really. How mature are your children? Would they handle having another "father figure" around? How often do they see their real dad? Would you talk to them about it, like a mature conversation? rather then just lumping it on them and say "live with it" How old are the kids? How do you feel emotionally? you might not even want another relationship for a while. are they going to be long relationships with your man? and can your kids build up his trust, or is it going to be many one night stands... or 2 week relationships? i personally think that what she is saying is unrealistic, but you have to think about it carefully and remember that your kids are just that... kids. so you cant expect them to be 100% for it, especially if they see their dad alot. It is a decision that has to be made by the family, and doctors sterotyping things like that is not helpful!
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Wrong. My sister separated from her boyfriend with her son six hears old. She married when he was two, and the new husband was a true father to the boy. Stepfathers *can* be wonderful parents. Parents should consider their children as well as themselves in forming new relationships, but a stable happy two-parent family is a great place to grow up, even if one of the4m isn't your natural parent.
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I think it would be traumatic for the kids to grow up in an environment that "gave up on love" (so to speak)for their sake. I'm afraid that might cause a sense of guilt in them that their parent was alone because of them. Just a thought. I personally think it should be done with extreme tact, but there's no reason not to get involved. Having a mother and a father figure together, over all, helps to create a more balanced home life, in my opinion. Every child should be able to experience what a happy marriage looks like from a young perspective.(Provided you get lucky and find a person of quality - not everyone is so lucky.)
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Why do you listen to this crackpot?
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This is her only offspring Deryk, does he look traumatized?
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Dr. Laura is a moron.
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Quite. My parents divorced when I was 12 (and I was the oldest of 3), and I became a better person AFTER the split. The marriage put too much stress on everyone in the house.
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I've worked in father's rights issues, most full time, for 20 years. Realistic or not, it is the best option, which is why I promote Bird Nest Custody.
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