My boyfriend of over 2 years cheated on me with his brother's ex-girlfriend. I took him back, but felt he should have to make it up to me. He said no, and that if I took him back then the matter was settled. Which of us was right?
by 
ragingbeauty
ANSWERS: 34
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So if he's not willing to make it up to you for his mistake, then you shouldn't be with him. I say you're right, he's the one that broke your trust and should therefore earn it back and it ain't gonna be easy. And no the matter isn't settle right away after taking back someone who cheated on you, it goes through a long recovery process. If he's not willing to accept total responsability, then I would suggest you break up with him.
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Well, neither of you are right. He cheated but you took him back and want him to pay for it now? You taking him back basically Ok'd what he did. He's back with you after messing up in a huge way. If you wanted to run the guilt trip/punishment on him that woulda been done when he's begging to have you back and you refuse. Nothing you can do now, he has you back. What's he gotta make up for when you already shown him it's alright?
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you should never forgive a cheater, because if you do, that basically tells them that you are okay with all of that....it may give them another opportunity to do it again....you forgave them once, so why not another time??????? take care...Brian.....
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I'm saying you are right - Girlpower!!! If he loves you and truly regrets what he has done, he should be willing to do anything to make it up to you. I wouldn't have settled for nothing. It seems as if he doesn't really care whether he's with you or not. Did you take him back because you wanted to? Or because he begged?? If he didn't beg i'd be slightly worried, because it looks as if he could be making a mug out of you!
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Have some dignity and dump his ass to the curb.
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you never should have took him back in the first place. He just wanted to get away with what he did. Clearly he feels no shame for what he did.
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him...should not take him back IF you cant forgive him and deal with it....who wants restitution in a demanded way? he should make it without being asked to...
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You are right. He needs to be kissing some serious ass right now and working as hard as he can to earn back your trust. If he cares enough, he won't mind doing this, and that means that he is truly sorry for what he did. He needs to understand that it's not as easy as saying "I'm taking you back", there is a lot of work and time involved in fixing what he broke.
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the fact that he wont make amends shows that he has no remorse or regret for what he did. the fact that he has no remorse means he WILL do it again. Get outta there girl!!! Go find a real man!
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I'm inclined to side with your boyfriend here, you don't take somebody back and just expect them to make it up to you with gifts or anything. You chose to take him back and with that, forgive him so you shouldn't ever mention the affair again. If you can't do that then leave him. I am sure that if he was remorseful he would stay true from now on and try his best to show you that he can be trusted.
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Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. No offense. Not only did he cheat on you, he cheated on you with his BROTHER'S EX! That's two no-no's, not just one. Oh, and he wants you to just SHUT UP and get over it, as if it caused you no pain? That's another no-no. Dump this loser if you haven't already. It'd be one thing if he was genuinely remorseful, understood how deeply you were hurt, and tried to work it out by being honest with and being respectful towards you. However, expecting you to just get over it is wrong. That's a recipe for your relationship to be a complete disaster. If you don't want that, get out before you end up married and/or having children with this guy (assuming you have no children. If you do, I understand that it'd be harder to leave, even if you just have one child with him).
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Dump him, there are too many good guys out there.
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I hate to say it but he is. you do not build a relationship on "you owe me" any more than you do on deciet. if you want to take him back you must forgive him and take him back. just out of curiosity how do you expect him to make it up to you?
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He is an asshole, and his attitude stinks. He doesn't deserve you in the least.
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Unfortunately, I think your boyfriend is right. Anything he would have to do to make it up to you should have happened before you took him back. After you chose to be back with him is too late. At this point, you've accepted him back regardless of what he did. Too late to force him to make it up to you. Not too late to dump him permanently, though.
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If he didn't admit it to you on his own without you catching him or finding out, he shouldn't get a second chance, and definitely not on his terms. If he truly cared about you and didn't want to blow it, he would be willing for you to treat him like a pet for the rest of his life.
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If he did that to you and he knows that it's out in the open, if you take him back it is the same as forgiving him. It's serious enough that if you didn't forgive him that it would prevent you from having a relationship. You have a relationship, hence, you already forgave him.
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saying 'he needs to make it up to you' tells us (a) you haven't really forgiven him, and (b) you are not mature enough to be in a relationship with a guy who will treat you well. Relationships aren't about keeping score. Until you figure that out, you probably deserve each other.
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Do you think you should get a prize? Maybe you should. I think most guy's would be showering their girls with presents in a situation like this. He's pretty sure he's got your number. I think he does too.
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Dr Phil would say you are... That he has to do everything to make it up to you and regain your trust. I would say that since you took him back, anyway, then he is. Basically, you forgave his "transgression", and he's back with you. If you'd wanted more to take him back, it should have been before you did, not after. Once it's forgiven, it should never be brought up again in anger, otherwise is isn't really forgiven. Actually, I think the reality should be somewhere in the middle. You HAVE forgiven him, but he needs to rebuild your trust. He HAS to show remorse, and never give you cause to doubt his word again. Since he's showed NO remorse (at least you never said he did), and refuses to "make it up to you" (how? a ring? jewelry? cleaning the crapper the rest of his life? To me, if he is always there, never where you don't want him to be, and DOES for you at least many of the things you want him to, he's trying) then dump the punk. Who was right? He was WRONG for cheating, and YOU were WRONG for taking him back without setting the rules first. (Making it up to you is a rule.)
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What is he supposed to do to make up for it? Be your b***h or something? He is correct if you take him back the matter should be finished, of course women have a hard time of not bringing shnit back up all the time so can't exactly fault you for your viewpoint either
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The only way he should be "making it up to you" is by earning your trust back and showing you that he deserves to be with you.
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What a jerk. I honestly dont want you back together with that loser. His behavior shows he's just not sorry for what he did. And what are you going to do? Take him back? Really, find someone who really deserves you.
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Okay so a) he cheats on you and b) he screws his brother's ex. Sounds like a keeper. Move on, life is too short to waste with losers.
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If he wanted you back the obviously you are likeable which means it shouldn't be too hard for you to find a replacement. Complete this checklist: 1: Buy a shovel, cement mix and an allotment. 2: Hit him with shovel 3: Dig hole in allotment, throw in boy and shovel 4: Cover hole with different shovel, and fill in with cement.
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He is right. You should resolve the differences before you accept him back into the relationship, not during it. If you take him back, it is natural for him to think that you have forgiven him. No one likes going back into a relationship where they will be eternally making up for a mistake.
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The past is just that - the past. If you want to go into this relationship with the past going in with you - there is no point in even trying.
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None of you ar ein the right, especially him. Once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat and now he knows hes going to get away with it if you find out, ditch the boy, NO respect for cheaters. And hes lucky you took him back.
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well beleive it or not he is somewhat and so are you. he is right because when you took him back you didnt require him to make it up to you before you did. and because you felt that he hadnt done enough to make it up to you you are entitled to change your mind and ask that him do so. honestly if it is that big of a deal you can always break up with him again and then tell him to make it up to you in order for you to tak ehim back :)
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you say it he has to make up for it, but how? and if he cheated on you with someone you knew, what is to stop him from doing it with some one you dont? plus, after 2 years, if he is cheating, how much do you think you are worth to him? and more importantly, how much are you worth to yourself? do you deserve to have a bf who cheats? but, we all are human and make mistakes, if you love him and want to marry him, then go forward, if you dont see your self married to this guy, whats the point of dating him?
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I would say you are right because hes the one that messed up with you so he should be tryna show you that he wants to earn your trust back.He should be cooking a romantic dinner or something.Let him know he should be sensitive to your feelings and how what he did really hurt you so he shouldnt just expect you to let him in and everything is A-OK.he has to earn it.
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Don't take him back! You put your trust in him and he betrayed you! Tell him how you feel about this. The best thing to do, is to take boxing classes to let out all your frustration. You what you think is right.
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He is. If you take him back, you need to get over it. If you can't get over it, don't take him back.
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what do you want him to do to make it up to you is the only question that should be asked what could he possibly do to make something like that right?
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