Just judging by what you wrote here, I would say, run for it. Truly. If your health is suffering that much then the situation is not right. She needs help that you know now you can't give her. You have a person inside of you that has been hidden away, to protect him. Right? You sometimes wonder if he is still there. Do you have children? If so, what are they learning from this situation? To allow themselves to be dominated? To surrender their personality to the illness of another? If you are really torn by this decision, please find a counselor. They will help you find the information you need to be certain of your choice. Good luck.

What a horrible dilemma! I feel sad for you. I am assuming you have received counselling from a mental health organization which has programs for family members of those with chronic mental disorders? I am also assuming that you have accessd all the supports available to you wherever you live? Clearly your wife needs treatment (or more and better treatment)....hoarding and obsessive control are both treatable disorders...in fact, OCD generally can be managed well with a combination of medication and specific therapy...what a shame that she is still so ill. Have you given her an ultimatum? Is she very clear that her lack of progress is killing you and that, in order to survive, you may have to leave her? If you haven't done so already, I think it may be time to truly lay your cards on the table. Her psychiatrist or doctor needs to know your plan...as she will have to be monitored closely if you do go...perhaps even hospitalized at first. Set everything up to protect her...then do what you have to do. Good luck to you....

After 8 years of depression and her OCD, I think it is safe to say, this marriage is bad for your health. Time to go before you waste another 8 years to depression - bear in mind, if you want to help her then you cannot do it unless you are well yourself - and right now, you are not.

What the heck are you talking about? I live in severe chonic pain every single day of my life but it is due to an injury. How do you have pain from being married to someone with OCD? You both need therapy and anti-depressents. Living with depression for 8 years without seeking treatment is unfair to both you and your spouse. I'm glad my husband hasn't bailed on me because I'm in pain, plus I too have OCD. I see a doctor, I take my meds, we live a pretty normal life and are extremely happy together and still very much in love. Whatever happened to in sickness and in health?

na

I would love to hear your story. I still don't understand why you are in chronic pain, from depression? I know that depression can cause pain. Ok, I think that if you are that unhappy and she has not addressed her problem {she should be willing to help herself without the threat of divorce} that maybe it is time to get out. As I said, I have OCD but it is very well managed with anti-depressents. I am also chronically depressed due to my severe chronic pain and drastic reduction in my quality of life. Again, it's under control due to antidepressents. They have been a lifesaver! I've had to try a few different ones until I found the one that works for me. Some people may have to be on more than one anti-D med. Find a good doctor. If you don't have the right Doc that also makes your life even harder. Look until you find one who gets you and is diligent in getting you well. Hope to hear from you. Jules

If she is abusive then try separation first.

Hi! I'm still trying to figure out how to get my e-mail up and running. It keeps asking me for codes that I don't know. After the holiday I will get the info I need and get back to you. I hope you're doing well in the meantime and have a Happy New Year! Talk soon, Jules

Run as fast as you can. Get out of there. You are her enabler. She will have to hit rock bottom before she deals with her problem. OCD afflicted females are parasites. They will suck the life out of you every day you live. They will not accept responsibility for their problems, feel it is their God-given right to make you miserable, and are forever needy, needy, needy. Take-take-take and never give. I wouldn't even think of it as a divorce, because it isn't a marriage. Think of it more as an amputation of an infected limb. The removal of a tumor. A new lease on life!

I just discovered I completely have Borderline Personality Disorder. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We both have been soooo frustrated for so long. And now that I am not in denial about my illness, i feel I have a better understanding of both sides. My husband is constantly exhausted by my up and down behavior. I can not currently work and this adds to the VERY heavy burden he already feels. He is responsible for most, if not all, duties of my day to day living. On top of that, he is constantly trying to diffuse my suicide attempts, amnesia from stressful events, my constant need for reassurance and helping me make wise desicions. Here's my side: I constantly feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy of life, and like a "parasite" or "infected limb". I have NO clue what is reality and what is my opinion. I didn't understand why my life was so horrible. I hate life. I wish I was dead ALMOST ALWAYS. I've learned that even when I am certain I am making the right desicion, I am almost ALWAYS doing the wrong thing. I am haunted by a horrific childhood that most would find completely horrifying. I have been abused, used, and abandoned my entire life. And had NO IDEA WHY! Can you IMAGINE that life for yourself or someone you love? I'm not trying to make excuses. I'm trying to give you a tool to understand your wife. Because, she most certainly doesn't understand herself. I know I don't. I think there is a misconception about people with BPD. We are NOT out to RUIN you life. We are very mistrusting of other people's motives and behavior because of the abuse we suffered as children. It's a defence mechanism. A survival method for trauma victims. We are not evil, horrible people. It's not a pleasant diagnosis to accept- defected, unlovable, takers. Could you accept that diagnosis as yourself? How I came to terms with this, was luck and desperation. Luck that I was diagnosed, and the desperation that comes from hating yourself and the train-wreck that I've called my life. I really did believe it was all my husbands fault. I knew I had problems (can't hold a job, moodswings, anger outbursts immediately followed by grief and self-lothing). I had convinced myself that this was all due to my husband not loving me, my boss is a jack ass, blah blah blah. I didn't blame others because I am trying to mess with his mind. I really believed this. Because I have a problem confusing reality with my paranoia stemming from YEARS of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. If your wife is aware of her disorder then that is a HUGE step. BPD isn't curable, however, it is treatable! When you talk to your wife, I would suggest trying to identify with her. She will feel validated and loved. Also, don't rise to the bait trap. She's probably reliving old trauma and maybe even pushing you into the role of the abuser! Calmly tell her you love her and that you refuse to talk to her untill she calms down. Let her know you won't be part of that behavior because you love her, and it's not good for either of you. If you can keep your cool and be consistent, you will both be happier. It's very true we are probably the hardest to love, but, we also need it the most! As for me, I hate myself even more then I already did when I realized the problem wasn't him, it was me. However, I am determined to make a better life for my husband and myself. I may not feel worthy right now, but I KNOW my husband is worthy of a happy life and a happy wife.

There is s specific name for the kind of depression you are experiencing, the name is escaping me right now. The best treatment for depression is usually a combination of psychotherapy with (sometimes) antidepressant medication for a short or longer-term period. This means that both of you should be in treatment. There are many techniques that she can learn to deal with her anxiety disorder (which OCD is). It will help both of you in the long run. Even if you decide to leave her, getting help for yourself is a good idea since you will have long term problems due to living with this for so long.