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by Jenn - is a Chicken-Footed Demon Monster on December 22nd, 2007

Jenn - is a Chicken-Footed Demon Monster

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What are some of the best one-liners?

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  • by Drastic on December 23rd, 2007

    Drastic

    "Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead."
    "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
    "He who laughs last thinks slowest!"
    "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
    "Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now."

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  • by killdrphil on December 22nd, 2007

    killdrphil

    Here are some by Rodney Dangerfield:

    I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

    A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

    I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

    I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

    When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

    I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

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  • by Talimze wins the prize on December 22nd, 2007

    Talimze wins the prize

    It's really good of you to give that dead woman another chance.

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by Esteban-- Now 20% smarter on December 22nd, 2007

    Esteban-- Now 20% smarter

    and that's what the doctor said.

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  • by sm00z on December 22nd, 2007

    sm00z

    If not now--never.

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  • by Larry Rhodes on December 22nd, 2007

    Larry Rhodes

    Mine and John Wayne's

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  • by Mark Hardy on July 15th, 2008

    Mark Hardy

    A police officer was interviewing a young recruit. “If you’re driving on a lonely road at night,” the officer asked, “and you’re being chased by a gang of criminals going 100 kilometers an hour, what would you do?”

    The applicant replied confidently, “110!”

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  • by top54u on July 15th, 2008

    top54u

    Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
    Eat right, stay fit, die anyway
    Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
    The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
    Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

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  • by Mushen on July 15th, 2008

    Mushen

    one for the miserable fuckers in life:

    what's crawled up your ass and bit you?

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  • by AnonymousGuitarist on December 24th, 2007

    AnonymousGuitarist

    Here is a line from stand up comedian Steven Wright:

    Ever find it ironic that the only thing left standing after a house is burned down is the chimney and the fire extinguisher?

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