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What are some of the best one-liners?

By Jenn - is a Chicken-Footed Demon Monster Asked Dec 22 2007 11:30PM
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Top Answer out of 10

by Talimze wins the prize on Dec 22, 2007 at 11:37 pm Permalink

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It's really good of you to give that dead woman another chance.
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Avatar Jenn - is a Chicken-Footed Demon Monster Dec, 22 2007 at 11:41 PM
Hahaha, I remember that!

Answer 2 out of 10

by Drastic on Dec 23, 2007 at 7:44 am Permalink

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"Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead."
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest!"
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now."
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Avatar Jenn - is a Chicken-Footed Demon Monster Dec, 23 2007 at 02:53 PM
Lol :P

Answer 3 out of 10

by killdrphil on Dec 22, 2007 at 11:45 pm Permalink

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Here are some by Rodney Dangerfield:

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
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Answer 4 out of 10

by Esteban-- better than ever. on Dec 22, 2007 at 11:45 pm Permalink

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and that's what the doctor said.
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Answer 5 out of 10

by sm00z on Dec 22, 2007 at 11:34 pm Permalink

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If not now--never.
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Answer 6 out of 10

by local loser on Dec 22, 2007 at 11:31 pm Permalink

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Mine and John Wayne's
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Answer 7 out of 10

by Mushen on Jul 15, 2008 at 11:58 pm Permalink

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one for the miserable fuckers in life:

what's crawled up your ass and bit you?
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Answer 8 out of 10

by top54u on Jul 15, 2008 at 11:56 pm Permalink

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Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
Eat right, stay fit, die anyway
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
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Answer 9 out of 10

by Mark Hardy on Jul 15, 2008 at 11:49 pm Permalink

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A police officer was interviewing a young recruit. “If you’re driving on a lonely road at night,” the officer asked, “and you’re being chased by a gang of criminals going 100 kilometers an hour, what would you do?”

The applicant replied confidently, “110!”
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Answer 10 out of 10

by AnonymousGuitarist on Dec 24, 2007 at 12:42 pm Permalink

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Here is a line from stand up comedian Steven Wright:

Ever find it ironic that the only thing left standing after a house is burned down is the chimney and the fire extinguisher?
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