What are some of the best one-liners?
by 
Jenn - is a Chicken-Footed Demon Monster
ANSWERS: 10
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Mine and John Wayne's
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If not now--never.
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It's really good of you to give that dead woman another chance.
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Here are some by Rodney Dangerfield: I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through." I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
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and that's what the doctor said.
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"Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead." "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." "He who laughs last thinks slowest!" "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math." "Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now."
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Here is a line from stand up comedian Steven Wright: Ever find it ironic that the only thing left standing after a house is burned down is the chimney and the fire extinguisher?
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A police officer was interviewing a young recruit. “If you’re driving on a lonely road at night,” the officer asked, “and you’re being chased by a gang of criminals going 100 kilometers an hour, what would you do?” The applicant replied confidently, “110!”
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Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. Eat right, stay fit, die anyway Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
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one for the miserable fuckers in life: what's crawled up your ass and bit you?
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