ANSWERS: 18
  • Well yes and no. Let me explain. One of my old chilhood buddies died of cancer a couple of years ago at the age of 14. This family has always very tight, and have accepted the loss of their son very well. I recently visited them and nothing was really different except for the absence of my friend. Another case, which actually was my friend's friend, was a case in which the family already started drifting apart before the death of their 9 year old. The mom and dad started blaming each other and the child's older sister chose sides. It is always sad when a loved one, especially a child, dies. But blaming doesn't help. It only creates problems.
  • Yes and No. If one of you is depressed and is constantly having emotional breakdown then your partner will think that it is time to move on and he wants to start over but feels that you are holding him/her back and that person will feel that all the energy that they have put in to try to make you happy isn't working. On the other hand both prties could go through it together and cope with the loss. It's different people, it depends on how much they can handle.
  • It depends on how the couple take the death, and how their relationship is. If one of the partners is greatly devastated and handles the loss poorly, then it can cause a rift that breaks the relationship. If there were other tensions and issues that were already driving a wedge in, then it can be the straw that breaks the camel's back - as sad as that sounds. We lost a child several years ago, but although we grieved deeply , we clung to each other for comfort. That was our personal way of responding, some people would be the same, others are different. I would have to say that the stress of losing a child is not often the only 'cause' of relationship breakups - sometimes it can be, but there are often other issues involved that can add up to a breakup.
  • I don't know about 'often' but without care and even counseling for this loss, it may be that the 'guilt' one feels or projects onto the other spouse carries this sorrow into misunderstandings, misinterpretations and even divorce. My ex (yes, we did divorce) REALLY could not get over the fact that we lost our daughter in a house fire. More, he just couldn't come to terms with the fact that I didn't FEEL guilt as all! My reason for not feeling this? Frankly, I KNEW I could never, never, ever place any child of mine in harms way. Period. Unfortunately, accidents do happen. (It turned out, after the fire departments investigation, that the wire to our furance 'blew,' and started the fire.) At that time, we were but only 100 feet from our home, gardening, after putting our precious wee one girl down to sleep in her bed, WAITING for an hour, sitting there to make sure she was, just talkin' and stuff like that .... others have to literally jump on both of us, throw us both to the ground, separately, lest we GO IN to that infernal! This was many, many years ago and when I literally 'allow' that dragon of a vision to come back up, I STILL know we didn't do anything 'wrong.' I have since remarried ... I have been with my guy, the best man in the world for me, for over 25 years. The ex? He ended up ... well, let's just say he couldn't keep his zipper up! He left me for another woman (but still carried on with others!) Unfortuantely, he died but only three years ago from brain tumors! If you asked this question because you, yourself, are in this situation: RUN to the nearest counsel, whatever and whomever that may be for you. There are many sites of comfort on the web, not the least of which is www.whisperinghearts.org and www.compassionatefriends.org Peace to you and yours!
  • It can, any huge stressor in life can. One of the big issues with the loss of a child is how the child died. If it clearly was NOT the fault of either parent, then they have the potential to actually grow closer.
  • I think that that amount of stress in anyone's life would change them dramatically as a person...and easily lead to a break up.
  • I heard that at least 75% of couple's break up. I myself lost a son at 13 and now am divoriced.
  • me and my partner of years just last week lost our twin boys at just 23 weeks, i went into labour and both our sons wernt developed enough to breath on there own, we are both grieving in our own ways and alot of different emotions have already started to come out, we are slowly drifting apart but have realised we need each other as no one else around us can understand the pain we are feeling, in a way this has brought us closer together, i think we are both just dealing with it in our own way but in the end we need each other
  • Yeah, that is a well documented reason for marriages ending. To continue to be with the person could just bring up too many painful memories.
  • It can either pull you together or push you apart
  • It has happened a lot and that is very sad. There is often a need to understand the death of the child, and sometimes this means assigning blame. Also, that much heartbreak can leave you feeling very alone and isolated. If the spouse can't "make you feel better", then it can sometimes be seen as the spouse doesn't feel the loss to a great enough depth, or that you truly ARE alone with your grief.
  • Yes it does very often....
  • Just heard one such case where it happened but,seen 3 where it didn't happen.The spouces were more closer rather than playing a blame game.No one wants the child dead.Neither the mother nor the father.Sensible couples do understand that.
  • Of course this's not always, you saw what happened in Gaza? :(
  • It depends on your focus. It is easily to focus on questions, What if? Why? when judging each other and finding reasons, excuses to put a blame for the causes leading to loss of a child, or if not finding excuses when you are mourning you need to release your sorrow, grief and sadness. And if you are not supporting each other. You will find other ways to release those stresses. And I seriously suggest you focus on the attributes to why you fell in love in the first place. And has time goes by you focus on their not so good points. Instead one should keep focusing on their good points. We are too busy focusing on ourselves. Me. What are my needs and feelings. Eventually you start painting a nasty picture and perception of your partner. I say let it go!!. Love yourself so you can love others.
  • I think that there is a lot to consider in this. I don't think its an issue of blame or regret. It a deep feeling of sadness. We lost our 18 year old daughter 8 years ago. My wife was great during her illness. Our daughter could not have had a better person to be with her every moment through those dark days. My task was to make sure that life went on. That there was some form of normalcy in that terrible world. After our daughter passed my wife fell into a great depression for a couple of years. Deep, deep grief. I was working two weeks after her funeral. I was hurt like any father would be. I remember feeling a year or so afterward that I just couldn't take it anymore. My wife was completely withdrawn, my house was always a total wreck, sex? right. I was a terrible period. I was totally screwed up. I started to command myself to love my wife. Tell myself that that was the honourable thing, my duty because I owed her so much. I've lived more or less 8 years feeling that way. Its my duty to love my wife. There have been good times since then and I have had some great laughs and felt good. There have even been times where I started to feel that I was in love with my wife again but the pain is always there. I have said to my wife and maube even a close friend or two that I had kind of resigned myself to being sad for the rest of my life. I cannot even remember my daughter as a happy girl and I know that she was. When I look around me everything I see reminds me of the sadness. My house, my wife, my life. A blessing is that I travel an awfullot for work. I have been thinking lately that I must do something to be happy. I've been thinking a lot about this. I want to be happy again. I am leaving my marriage. It hurts to do it but I know I can be happy and I am going to find that part of me again.
  • www.opentohope.com/divorce-rate-among-bereaved/
  • its possible

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