I would imagine that a mother would only stay with a person like that is that its better to be with anyone than to be alone and out on the street with her kids.

Yes. I don't believe there is a reason good enough to put up with a guy abusing my kids in any way!

yes, your main role as a parent is to protect your children and this lady failed.

Absolutely. Just as any man should feel guilty for doing NOTHING throughout 13 years of physical and mental abuse from a mother. *glares at my stepfather* If this woman raised her kids to adulthood in an abusive situation, she IS as guilty as the man who did it.

Thanks for the answers here guys, but I think I left out a crucial point- she was also being abused. She also was fully supporting him so she was not staying with him for financial reasons. When I asked her (last night) She said that she simply had no way of getting rid of him.

That mother needs some serious therapy as well as her children that grew up in that abusive household. She should probably feel guilty, however, she probably doesn't feel much of anything anymore. Being a victim of abuse can change how a person would normally handle bad situations - that's if she was abused along with her children. If she wasn't and she allowed her children to be abused, then one would think that she should be consumed with guilt.

Hell yeah! I would not even stay with a man who abused my pets, what more my kids? I'm gonna leave him pronto! But first I'm gonna kick him in the nuts.

Only guilty enough to drive her to help heal her children. It is likely said mother was also being abused and though people would love to say what they would do in a situation it is often VERY difficult to see the big picture until you are no longer a part of it. Said mother should get herself and her children therapy and tell her children that she is sorry, once and make it meaningful. After this I don't think she should spend much time dwelling on what went wrong, tead try dealing with life after the fact.

Uh yeah probably! My mom did the same thing and now I resent her! Good luck with your kids!

If she knew about it, she should have gotten them out of the situation immediately.

There is no excuse for it. Plain and simple. Get your crap and leave the guy. 17 years of abuse is absurd. There shouldn't be any at all.

Feeling guilty is not going to change the last 17 years. What the mother should do is learn how to better the situation now and in the future. I think there is a difference between guilt and remorse. When you are remorseful about something you do what you can to fix the situation. Guilt just paralyzes you with self-hate.

The woman is an accessory to the abuse. She may be both victim and accessory, but she still has the responsibility to protect her children. I don't know that guilt is going to help the situation. That generally leads to a further plunge in self-esteem and self-empowerment that keeps the abused trapped in their cycle. What she does need to do is acknowledge her own responsibility for remaining in the situation with her children, and take the steps necessary to protect them from further harm and repair the damage.

I don't think feeling guilty at this point will change anything if it's taken her this long to finally get a conscious. What she needs to do is feel responsibility that it is her job to save these children and apologize to them for what she has put them through. This will affect how the kids feel about her and may even continue the cycle of abuse. It must be stopped NOW.

she shouldn't just FEEL guilty, she should be DECLARED guilty...by a jury of her peers. -Buddy

Yes. But more importantly she should figure out what she can do to make amends for it in the present.

ABSOLUTLY, SHE SHOULD FEEL QUILTY, WHAT THE CRAP WAS SHE THINKING. NO MAN WOULD ABUSE MY BABIES, EVER.IF SHE FELT LIKE SHE HAD NOWHERE TO GO BUT THERE, SHE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THE CHILDREN TO THE STATE, THEY PROBLY WOULD HAVE BEEN SAFER, AND IN THIS DAY AND AGE THERE IS NO REASON FOR ANYONE TO LET SOMEONE ABUSE THEIR KIDS, THERE ARE TO MANY ADVOCATES OUT THERE FOR CHILDREN, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. SHE IS NOT A MOTHER SHE IS A LOSER.. SORRY FOR THE HARSH ANSWER BUT I WORK IN A FACILITY FOR ABUSED KIDS, AND I SEE THE HORRIBLE MIND BLOWING RESULTS OF WHAT ABUSE HAS DONE TO THE KIDS. AND MAYBE HALF OF THEM ARE NOT THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHERS. SHAME ON YOU.

Perhaps, but perhaps she felt like she didn't have a choice. Why don't you talk with her? Obviously this was a wrong choice, but try not to throw stones until you hear her reasons.

Children have a way to overcome situations, depending their character and their mother's affection and honesty against them. They would -somehow- understand her motives, if she were honest and caring to them. The problem is with the mother herself. Can she overcome the guilt and trauma? I think there lies the solution. I personally face guilt since my childhood and I fall in many mistakes, as I lose my tempers often and scare my children.

that mother should definatley not be letting her chidren go near him. he should not be abusing them in any way the mother and children need to speak up and tell someone about this abuse

Yes she should! The kids have to come FIRST always!

Assuming she knew about it the whole time, yes she should feel guilty. If someone who is good does nothing to stop evil, isn't their inaction just as evil?

When your trapped in an abusive relationship, you see no way out. I would like to think if I was in that situation, I would leave in a heartbeat; better yet, I would have avoided the relationship altogether. The problem is, you may not know from the start that they are abusive, and by the time you realize what's going on, it's too late to stop it. While it may seem easy to leave an abusive relationship-you just leave-it's harder then that. After 17 years, that may be all she knows, and she doesn't know what else to do. She needs to stand up for herself and her kids, and get out of the relationship. No one deserves to be abused. She needs people standing behind her to help her get out of the relationship, it is very unlikely that she will be able to do it on her own. By the way, if he has been abusing her and the kids, I would imagine there is more guilt there than we could ever understand. Guilt and fear.

No, 'cause then you deny your kids (and they still are to you, and to themselves a little) the right to a healthy relationship with their mother. Hang yourself with that noose and you repeat the cycle, but with guilt instead of wrath.

BABY I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM BUT NO LOVE THAT DEEP TO STAY WITH A MAN WHO HURT YOUR KID DONNT YOU KNW HE GO TO JAIL FOR THAT AND YOU TO I READ IN THE PAPER A MAN WENT T JAIL FOR BEATIN HIS KID AND THE LITTLE BOY DIE SO HONY GET AWAY FROM HIM BE FOR YOU AND END UP GOING TO JAIL TOGERTHER HAND IN HAND

If the mother was aware that this was going on then she is as guilty as her partner is. Being a parent is about protecting your children and children should be safe in their own home. They have enough to cope with in school and out on the street without having to put up with it at home too.

This question shouldn't even need answering. I'm sorry but I hope the "mother" feels the flames of hell for subjecting innocent and at one time defenseless children to a monster of a man.

Plain & simple. She should be charged with abuse also! I have been in a relationship where I was abused. I was young & it took a little while to get out, but I did. God pitty the person whoever hurts my kids! It is your job as a parent to protect your children no matter what!

More clearer than water yes a mother should feel ashamed and guilty because she has made the error of damaging her childrens self-esteem and life by staying with a man who has not done good for her and her children.

Yes and yes again. She is an accessory. A mother's job is to protect her children not subject them to her partner's rage and pyschological foibles.

If she knew about the abuse and unless she was blind worked 4 jobs and never saw or talked to her child maybe not. (AS IF) The only other reason for it to have happened and not gone checked or stopped is if the mother was also a victim of abuse by the father or step-father and was unable to find a way out. Too often people stay because they are fearful for their life, the lives of their children or loved ones as well if they leave, Or are not in a position to be able to care for feed protect and support their children on their own.,and feel they cannot survive one way or the other without the abusive spouse. In the end she would naturally feel ashamed and remorseful for her child or children if she was any kind of mother at all.

No. It would be better if she finds a way out of this situation.

I would never let anyone abuse my children, and I cannot even feel sorry for someone who has quilt over it. It should never happen. It's horrible!

Well, obviously such a "mother" isn't normal or she would never tolerate anyone laying a hand on her children..why should she feel guilt? She is one of those "I need my man" kind of sleazy bimbos who doesn't give a damn for anyone but herself, her needs, her wants..guilt? She doesn't have a soul, so how can she feel anything? :(

She should be riddled with guilt and totally ashamed of herself. She does not deserve to have kids and they should be taken off her and adopted if she cares more for her own happiness than theirs. What sort of sicko would do something like that?

NO she shouldn't. My mom stayed with my real dad for 15 years and dad did the same what you just said, and she said she felt bad and guilty but I told her it wasn't her fault, my dad threated her that if she ever leave him, he would take children away and she would never see her kids again and she beileved him, until one day she had it and it was the hardest time of her life to having to leave us with dad, but eventually she won custody. so this mother should never feel guilty not ever. it is not her fault. I have watched my dad did this to her. I am sure the children would agree with me when they are grown up.

yes she should feel guilty.. how would she like to be abused like that for 17 years... kids deserve respect and attention just like adults do..

Only if she knew and didn't leave.

UM DUH!!!! if i was the kid... i would have ran away from home!!! thatsn not ok

if she knows about it for 17 years... then it is not only the man he is staying with is the one abusing the child!!! she too!!! and yes!!! she should be as guilty as hell!!!!

yes absolutely no question

yes

She should feel guilty, yes! But, I know when you're abused yourself it is hard to have the confidence and courage to leave a situation. The woman should do it for the children though.

apologise to the children for being such a rubbish mother, let them hurl all the abuse at you they need to and dont make any excuses for your behaviour. Once this is complete move on from this experience and learn from it to never allow yourself or your children ever be abused again. If you dont acknowledge you were a rubbish mum to your kids they will go on thinking it anyway because although you may not want to talk about it they probably need to in order to become mentally balanced adults. Good luck x

Yes!!! My mother is still with her man even after physically and mentally abusing me and my sister. She has a drink problem also and now tries to blame it all on this. But for 24 years i have suffered even a few weeks ago it reared its ugly head again. My mother spoke out that her man forces sex on her and so on. And yet again she has stood by her man. She is as bad as he is have said this to her and have no contact with her now. As the pain is never ending for me.

Not only should she FEEL guilty. She IS guilty. When Social Services departments know about that kind of thing they move to take the children away from their mother, who is considered as unfit as the boyfriend/husband.

she has a responsibility to her children to protect them however, whats done is done. and i think the best thing she could do for her children now is to be strong for them and offer them support.

yes and she is a sorry piece of you know what for allowing him to do it. they should both be thrown in jail

yes she should how can a mother who has given birth to her babies let a man abuse her children its sick im sorry but whoever it is your talking about might as well of done it herself because she probley only stayed with him for her own benifit ,i would have stabbed him in his chest ,even if the lady was abused her self she has let this go on for 17 years and her children are probley damaged with what this prick has done.when it could of been avoided her children will blame her as well.

yes, maybe she should stop wasting oxygen for that matter, this kind of goes beyond guilt

guilt won't help but yes, she should feel guilty.

you shouldn'd feel guilty, but you should act now.

It's not my wish to contribute to anyone's sense of guilt, but - yes - a mother who allows her children to remain in the home of an abuser is guilty of contributing to their abuse. If that mother, herself, was the victim of the man's abuse there can sometimes be a "good excuse" to some extent; but when it comes down to it, it is the mother's role to protect her children. For mothers in extremely difficult circumstances that can mean mustering up some major courage in order to take the steps to correct the situation; but having children suffering is often enough to give mothers that courage. Some women do not have the confidence to leave because they believe they cannot provide well for their children if they do. Some rationalize that the children are better off in their "better" home than in, say, an apartment. Others believe, in their hearts, that children need to live with two, married, parents; and that an abusive father is better than having no father in the house at all. As a person who is a confident woman and mother, I want to be very careful not to be too judgemental of mothers who don't have what it takes to simply flee with their children the moment a father does one clearly abusive thing (or a few close-to-abusive things). Not all women have the confidence, self-respect, or even maturity to have a well developed maternal instinct to protect their children - and that may not be their fault. Still, the normal maternal instinct is usually enough to make any mother refuse to allow her child to be harmed. Children have nobody to protect them but their parents. If they have one abusive parent then they have only person on whom they can depend to protect them. It is the role of a mother to protect her children from harm and abuse, and it is the role of mother to be worthy of the trust of the people who have had no say about being born into this world (or adopted into a family). Feeling guilty won't help children 17 years after it has happened, but guilt is something that mothers who have it should work through. It's too late to make up for what happened to the children, but showing remorse over it could be a step in helping children at least know their mother acknowledges that they were "wronged". Victims of abuse can very much need to have that acknowledged and to have it acknowledged that those who failed them did just that. For mothers struggling with guilt, consider getting therapy for help in processing it and in attempting to rectify whatever may still be able to be rectified. For mothers who don't feel the least bit guilty, consider getting some therapy to learn how that can be possible, and whether there are underlying issues not being dealt with. For grown children who may have been abused and had mothers who allowed it to occur, there is a chance your mother was victimized in ways you will never know. Abusive people are clever, and some threaten "worse will happen" if wives leaves. Others threaten (and can succeed) at getting custody of the children if the wife leaves. All is not always as it appears in cases like this. If you grew up in this situation consider seeing a counselor to try to identify and understand the dynamics that can occur in these situations (and that may have occurred in your own).

beat the crap out of him i think it would pass legaly

She should get the hell out and make sure the children get help or they could end up in deep trouble psychologically!

OMG YES SHE SHOULD BE CLASSIFIED AS A MANIC DEPRESSED PERSON NO ONE IN THERE RIGHT MINE WOULD LET SOMETHING BAD HAPPEN TO THERE CHILDREN no one!!!!!!!!!!

Did the mother know of the abuse all those years? If yes, then yes. Otherwise, the guilt will do nothing but eat the mother up inside and maybe even outside. I think she should just sympathize with her children and guide them as best as she can to a point where they feel completely secure within themselves. Insecurity is a huge part of being abused whether it be physically or emotionally. The mother should just remind her children of her wants and her desires to help them through what is to be a difficult part of their lives. Also, maybe they can all come to a point where they may be willing to also accept the help of outside professional help. I did. Best of Luck!

Of course she should feel guilty a mother is to be there to protect her children from such harm and abuse, She abviously stayed for her own selfish needs witch is wrong she should have put her childrens safty first!!

Yes!

ABSOULTELY ARE YOU NUTS!

it depends if that mother new or not? if she did yes if she had no idea than she needs not to feel guilty.

To ask the question, is to already know the answer.

Yeah, I think she should, particularly if she has sat by and done nothing to stop it while it was still in progress. As a child of that kind of family, I always asked my mom why she was still with him, why didn't she get a divorce? It took a while for me to realize that my mom still loved him, and that she really wanted to make the marriage work, even though toes were stepped on in the process. She really didn't have any place to go, and she couldn't take care of four kids on her own. So she was stuck with him.

yes!! she preferred to be with a man who didnt even love her and her kids.. than to be a good mother...

It depends on how they abuse them. If they use their body parts to hit them it`s ok but with objects no. TRUST ME, MY UNCLE IS A LAYWER

of course she should feel guilty........no woman in her right mind will stand by and let a man abuse her children.......on yes unless the woman is mentally sick just like the man

A mothers responsiblity is to protect her child. The kids will possibly become abusers because they think this is normal. No child or adult should b put in the position wher they have to feel this way.

Hell the fuck yeah (excuse my language answerbag) nothing more to be said

if you knew then yes, if you knew and made an effort to stop it then no. if you were completely unwear, deffently not