by 
nike15
ANSWERS: 14
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Cop: Have you been drinking tonight sir? Me: No, I just got off work. Cop: And where do you work? Me: I'm a wine-tester. He was not amused.
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Cop: (points to my taco) You know if you get in an accident you could crack your head open on that and die. Me: I'm pretty sure the first thing my head would hit would be the steering wheel, sir.
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A teenager was brought to my house after he was found to have broken in to my moms car. When they asked if I wanted to press charges, I asked if I could stab him instead. That was REALLY STUPID
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"OCIFER" we aren't drunk...we're just driving around the corner..." right before my friend (the driver said, "Yup" and fell down on his ass.
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Yeah those are my seeds in that dime bag.
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Actually, somehow a while ago I phoned the police station (not 911) and I thought I was calling my best friend: Me: Hi, Hannah, listen, about the dance tonight can you pick me up? Because if my parents take me they'll get all upset if my boyfriend comes because they don't know I have a boyfriend... Policeman: Hi, you've reached the police. (The policeman was pretty cool about it, but he told my parents about my supposed 'prank call'.)
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Me (opening a Dunkin' Donuts bag as the cop shines a flashlight in my eyes): Would you like a donut? Cop: No, we stick to muffins and bagels now. Less fat.
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Officer: Why aren't you in school? Me: Because I just stole three dollars from a donation box.
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If I kiss you will you let me go?
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Cop: "Do you know what the spped limit is on this road?" Me: "I was going to fast to read the sign." Cop: while holding back a laugh- "its 95 i mean 45" 95mph was mine Me: "oh I thought I was going atleast 100" Cop: "did you take an honesty pill sir?"
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when i was 14 or so, my friends and i decided to get drunk in a park that has backyards of houses facing onto it, i guess we were reaaally loud because someone called the cops .. this happened as i was peeing under a tree with my friend standing there for lookout .. so the cops drove up to us and the first thing one said was "did you just urinate under that tree" .. me: "yeeepppers" .. cop: "did you have anything to drink tonight?" .. me "nope" .. and then i proceed to throw up right infront of him .. but he was cool .. he just made us clean up our bottles and sent us all home
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Years ago as a teen,I was picked up drunk,and when they told me they would take me to jail,I told them they didn't have the guts to do it.They ending up taking me home.I guess since I was not violent they thought no big deal.In those days they rarely,if ever, handcuffed teens.
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Walking through a cemetery at 3:00 am with a girlfriend in college, I saw the blue lights behind me: "You two on a nice little romantic walk at this time of the night?" asked one of the officers. "No, sir," I said. "I thought this was a shortcut to her house." "Well, it isn't. Get in." They took the girl home and I spent the rest of the night in the pokey. I wasn't charged with anything. And luckily this was Friday night, so I didn't miss anything. Breakfast in the jail wasn't too bad. This was the only time I ever spent in jail.
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I told a cop, that(bear in mind I was REALLLY drunk, I mean totally fucked up) I told a cop that the only way I was paying for this citation, is if he sucked my dick.......he didnt take it too well. (cute guy too....what a shame.)
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