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by Judgement_Impared on November 4th, 2008
From a guys point of view:
Yes we all look. At the good and the bad!! That part of us is simple human nature. Don't get me wrong, there's a big difference in glancing and staring!! Even I know that..
Like I've always said, "There's nothing wrong with looking at all of the shiny new cars on the lot when you drive by, as long as you don't try and take one on a test drive!!"....
And whether you admit it or not, women do it too, it's just not nearly as obvious....usually.
by stuart on January 1st, 2009
Share the experience with him, it takes the sting out of it, when he looks at a woman say something like 'oh my god you have terrible taste' then when you see a sexy dude, say 'now he is fit'
All men look at women, or men, depending on thier persuasion. You can either drive yourself potty by magnifying it and making it all about you, or you can work towards it not being an issue.
Despite the expectations of women, men are sexually driven and derive stimulus by looking at others and/or porn, its just the way most of us are, it is no reflection on you. You only have to look at shows like Oprah, jerry springer to see men being harrangued by women for not living up to thier expectations.
You need to move your husband from being furtive about following his instincts and looking, and being open about it. Its much less dangerous, makes it a shared experience you can laugh at and will stop your anxiety
Your husband sounds completely normal (and faithful) please dont castigate him for looking, he is not going to stop, anymore than he can stop breathing. All you will do us make him sneaky and furtive which will feed your anxiety.
If he is staring in the hope of making eye contact, well thats a different thing, checking someone out is totally normal
by Skaterdude on March 11th, 2009
All women get upset about this, and all guys do it.
I think in a totally honest relationship, you should be able to call him out on it in a way that will imply that you're not threatened by it. I can tell you, for what it's worth, that it doesn't mean he's dissatisfied, just that he's (gosh) attracted to women...
Anyway, in my relationships, I've always tried to make it okay to look. Both for me, and for her. On the other hand, out and out staring is rude.
I've also noticed that although I have fairly good radar for an attractive woman, every girl I've ever been with has better radar than I do. I notice that often my girlfriends have acted insecure and neurotic in the presnce of an attractive woman, who I haven't even noticed or wasn't aware of. Food for thought.
I can also tell you that you can sabatoge the hell out of yourself this way.
One of my exes loved the beach. It was her favorite place to go. (mine, too, BTW...)
But, when we would go to the beach, she was always so worried about wether I was looking at the other girls, that it would really ruin the mood. (And to be 100% honest, some times I was, sometimes, I wasn't)
After a couple of trips that went this way, I decided it wasn't worth the headache of defending myself from the percieved slights. So, I stopped taking her to the beach.
I suggest you recognize the obvious. Guys are attracted to women. We will look. It's not personal, we still love you. If you're honest with yourself, an attractive guy will catch your eye in much the same way.
by Phillis - Zacks little sister on March 7th, 2009
Whether it is a man's nature or not, ogling and/staring is just plain rude. You never said which he was doing. Is it a passing glance? That's normal. I make jokes with my husband about it :)
by The Reverend Soleil on November 4th, 2008
The best thing to do would be to never discuss it with him, and to keep your feelings to yourself and find all sorts of passive/aggressive ways to punish him in the hopes that he will someday read your mind and know exactly what he's doing that bothers you.
</sarcasm>
by Thick_N_Hard on November 4th, 2008
Guys are going to look at a good looking woman. any guy who doesn't, is either gay or hormonally imbalanced. The same instincts that made him date and marry you don't have an off switch that you can flip during the Honeymoon. It's no different then an overweight person looking at some chocolate in the candy store window, but not trying any to maintain their diet. I think you need to be more reasonable. The reason that he looks is the same reason that mankind has endured and flourished for millions of years....it just biological.
by OldCW wears The COAT of the Cosmos on March 7th, 2009
Here's the deal and it's something you can't escape. You might not like this, but you really have no choice.
For a guy to avoid looking at other women, he has to shut himself down. If he does that, he shuts himself down for you as well. No one can turn themselves on and off like a switch.
Either he is shut down or he is not, and you won't like him if he is. What you're asking of him carries a steep price and you better be absolutely sure you want to pay it.
by CaptainHarley adores his life penguin on March 7th, 2009
As long as his body is still producing testosterone, he's going to look. I urge you to work your way through this.
by Nerd Thuggery awakens. on March 7th, 2009
There's a line here that shouldn't be crossed when it comes to looking at someone or something beautiful or unusual (and I count beautiful as unusual.)
You can't desensitize a person to not look at anything. BUT... you shouldn't have to tolerate long stares.
Heck, my wife and I recognize this, and it's become a source of humor between us. I hope he's just glancing or looking, and not staring like a wolf watching sheep.
by Esteban-- Smartest Pumpkin on March 11th, 2009
You say he is faithful, and only wants to "urk" you. He looks but doesn't touch. He is human and a man. If you want something that won't stray, buy a vibrator.
by Pearls..loves diamonds too on March 7th, 2009
Disrepectful? No. If I see a good looking guy, I'm going to look.
by Anonymous on March 7th, 2009
Don't let people tell you that it's ok for him to stare at other women, because it's not. You should be all that he needs and more. I understand that men are visual, but when a man stares he is entertaining his thoughts and perhaps his desires. I heard someone say that you can't help the first look, when you see someone; but you don't have to look twice. It's ok that he thinks other women are beautiful, God created beauty in all of us. However, when it gets to a point that you feel disrespected; your husband has gone too far. What would he do if you were the one looking? What if he were staring at another woman and she decided to give him her phone number? Would he take it? The real question is, "What are his true intentions?" Bottom line is, you should be all he needs. If you're not, the problem doesn't lie with you, it's him!
by Zookeeper on September 5th, 2008
Humans all respond to visual patterns. Babies like human faces. Men respond to shapes that match their sexual interest. It is pretty much hard-wired.
On the other hand: Social behavior is volitional. Looking intently at another woman when with you is not polite and he knows it. (Ask him how he would feel if you ogled other men.)
Paying for porn is paying for sexual stimulation. If that feels like cheating to you, be sure he knows it.
Men look. They're made that way. But they are also capable of considerate and socially conventional behavior.
by BigDaddyBS on June 6th, 2009
I had a boss that I teased about staring at the women who came in to the bar, saying, "You shouldn't be looking... You're married." He said, "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu."
Think about it. Would you rather he surreptitiously look, or would you rather know he's probably looking?
I mean watching from a distance here (the one he's looking at is 1/2 way down the mall corridor), or glancing just long enough to get that photo in your mind, and then developing it, while looking elsewhere. Many guys do this. Hell, I have good peripheral vision, and can have my head facing one way, but be seeing what I REALLY am "concentrating on" out of the corner of my eye. We look. That doesn't mean we don't love you. Guys are visual. Women are emotional. (Mars and Venus, you know?)
Remember a couple of things.
1) Guys AND girls, BOTH, look. Guys know when you're checking your makeup, at least half the time, you're looking over your shoulder at the hunk that just walked by. We know that half the time you are "window shopping", you're really looking at the guy across the street.
Just because we don't say anything doesn't mean we don't know you're looking. We just don't think it's all that big of a deal. Are YOU looking to replace us?
2) Who's he going home with? Who will "reap the benefits" of his looking? The person whom he was looking at, or the one he loves? I always think of the song in the video, below. Listen to the words. Doesn't it pretty much cover the situation? From a man's AND woman's point of view?
Is it disrespectful? Of who?
If he's staring, he's being disrespectful of that woman's feelings of safety and privacy. If he's staring, he IS being disrespectful of your feelings - NOT that he is looking, but that he knows you don't like it.
If he's glancing (and then processing), he's trying NOT to be disrespectful of your feelings, but he IS HAVING to be sneaky about it. Again, wouldn't you rather know?
by m4k4v3l1_mami on March 11th, 2009
i think u shud be glad that he's jus lookin and not touchin. at the same time he shudnt mind if u look at other men and don touch rite.
by RiverRat on March 11th, 2009
I'm a guy who would never cheat on his wife, I love her too much. I can't help looking at a pretty girl though. It's not your husband's fault, it's just our nature. If he didn't look, something would be wrong with him. The fact that he is faithful says a lot for his character, few people are these days. Appreciate what you have...
by Nursey loves the Sox on March 11th, 2009
It really doesn't matter where he works up his appetite...as long as he eats at home
by Go know thyself is THE RED QUEEN on March 7th, 2009
The old rule applies... Look, but keep your hands to yourself!
by Kiss A Fat Babys Ass on October 7th, 2007
Guys are visual. They are going to look,the more you complain the more he will try to hide it from you, but he still is going to look. It is not meant to be disrespectful it is just our nature to look at beauty.
by Skaterdude on August 3rd, 2009
BTW, managed to neatly sidestep this problem in my current relationship:
She's bi, and she's more likely to point out an attractive woman than I am. It's VERY refreshing to be able to be completely honest with a woman, without her being put off by it.
by UneFille on June 6th, 2009
It's like looking at a painting for him. It's not about love.
by CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss on June 6th, 2009
Faithful smaithful, tell him he isn't allowed to look at woman, and if you catch him doing so, you will chop him up in tiny peices and throw him in the dumpster. That should do it. ;+
by That Guy Again on June 5th, 2009
Time for a spanking.
by --------- on March 11th, 2009
Don't feel disrespected, pretty much all guys do. They are just more obvious than women...
by trouble... on March 11th, 2009
If he's NOT looking you should be worried.
Just because your on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
by K-Kat on March 11th, 2009
Let his eyes wonder a bit, if hes not going to cheat then really whats the harm. Hes not the only taken man that does that
by Catherine on March 11th, 2009
Do what I do, start looking at men crouches in front of him then lick your lips...he will stop..
by catsmeow94 on March 7th, 2009
its innapropriate but they are men
by Princess Garnet on March 7th, 2009
I don't like it as well I know thay say "Its ok to look and its doing no harm" but I really dont like it as well because I dont look because I don't care about no one eles but that person. So I understand, why dont you tell him how u feel?
by Sosueme on August 18th, 2009
The day he stops looking is when you should start worrying
by eveadrian on August 18th, 2009
I'm a hetrosexual woman and I've seen very attractive woman and understood why men would look at them.
I'm confident enough to feel that my guy only loves me and he is doing a natural thing when he feels he sees beaty or even sexy.
It doesn't mean to me that he's being disrespectful unless he stares like he's lusting after them. Men that watch porn are actually looking at the hot girl in the video that is totally nude. Doesn't mean anything but he enjoys looking at nice looking women and if the woman obviously has a killer body, I'm completley understanding that he takes a peek. I even take a peek and think she has it going on, but so do I lol.
by crafty-cougar on August 17th, 2009
Honey, I have been married to the same man for over twenty years and come to learn that men look. It's in thier genes and there's absolutley nothing we as women can do about it. Now remember if it's just a casual look or the "check-out" look, then you have nothing to worry about. However, if he keeps his head and eyes locked on another woman (the stare)for more that a minute, then there's a problem and it is up to you to correct it.
by Skaterdude on August 17th, 2009
I've looked through some of your other posts, and I think that you've some trust issues with men. I'm sorry that you've had your ups and downs with the opposite sex.
I suspect that no matter how reasonable I try to be, and no matter how politely I try to word my responses, you're going to read the worst into whatever I say.
On the other hand, I feel that I did benefit from our exchange, because I've put some thought into the types of women I should avoid having in my life.
So thanks for that, anyway...
by buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind on August 3rd, 2009
sorry but he is doing nothing wrong...he maybe married but he is not dead, seems you are the one with issues not your hubby
by Yarnlady is happy every day on August 3rd, 2009
I used to feel exactly the opposite. I thought it was a big complement that I had his ring on my finger, no matter how many other beautiful women there are in the world.
by teresa on August 3rd, 2009
If he is home every night and he looks at other women but he is not in their bed and he has done this in front of you then he is not hiding it and to me this is a normal thing men do, my fiance has looked at women and I have looked at guys but we love one another totally and when he is not at work he is with me and I feel fortunate and blessed!
by Nancy on June 5th, 2009
I think it's disrespectful for him to look at other women; especially with you sitting right there. Maybe you should let him know how it makes you feel.
by LuvLiving on June 5th, 2009
passing glances are cool, staring or trying to make eye contact is a bit disrespectful IMO...but whatever you feel, communicate. dont keep it bottled in cuz it will explode one day
by Eileen on March 11th, 2009
Shades of Purple its better he looks at females, yes? lol
I look at guys all the time I mean absolutely no disrespect to my husband, I like looking......Hell I know were my man will lay his head and body at night, so he can look all he wants at woman so long as his hands dont start wondering its all good by me.
You folks have a great night!
by Daze on March 11th, 2009
if i were you i would start staring and flirting with your eyes at other men and see how he likes it!!
get some picture of other men on your computer while your at it!!
just fun!! lol
but it is normal for guys to look i dont mind it but it can be rude if hes staring then starts asking all kinds of questions about them like mines does...hahah but he doesn't have the guts to approach any of them...
by Hallie_W on November 18th, 2010
I am always amazed at the guys who go ohh its primitive male instinct...men do it they are visually driven...put up with it ladies..and the women who buy into that....what about the flip side of that lame argument..females of the species are instinctually drawn to the alpha male in a group and will gladly bend over for a bit of you know what...so do you want your gfs and wives doing that? having a good perve at the dude with the big package, commenting..leering...and then getting all excited at the prospect of some primal lovin? no..usually the worst offending males...have massive double standards as it also goes arm in arm with having low self esteem and being immature.
i feel it is wrong if the persons in the relationship say where they stand on an issue..any issue..and the other overruns the boundaries...period. especially if there are double standards. the men get to gawk and the gf/wife has to dress down in public and not look or get looks.
by DanRoid on March 9th, 2010
I say have fun with it...point a pretty girl/woman out laugh about it, have him point out guys U may find attractive. Lifes 2 short to fight a losing battle...He's never gonna hav tunnel vision, and there's ALWAYS gonna be somebody beeter looking/hotter than U & him..doesn't mean he's gonna cheat no more than U seeing an attractive feller gonna make U drop down & say"I gotta have U...UR Sooo HoTT big guy" Lighten up people!!! Have fun with life!!
by borntobeamother on February 23rd, 2010
in this sexually orientated world we live in today that is the reality. I knwo it would bother me if my man stared or commented but a glance i can deal with becasue i deffinatly look at hot men!
by fly32407 on February 3rd, 2010
You are being disrespected. It needs to stop so talk to him about it. Eyes on you!
by Hallie_W on November 18th, 2010
I forgot to mention...doods...if you want some eye candy and you wore your woman out making her have your babies etc etc...THEN INVEST at home and get her the mummy makeover she wants...the hair...the spa retreat....for gods sake do the housework...let her be a princess as that is what you are gawking at..princesses....and bring your gawking back home. Talk the Talk and Walk the Walk with your missus and you will both be better off....
by rubbish on February 28th, 2010
Im a woman and I look at men too, especially if they are wearing shorts (Im a leg person)! so dont worry as long as he is not staring at them for more than 10 mins with a disgusting look on his face in front of you and the children (which I have actually seen happening).
by Ocean Flower on August 3rd, 2009
My husb does the same...and it makes me feel unattractive.
But whenever theres a group of men he stares at me to make sure I dont sneak a look and if I do he gets really shitty.
Its a total double standard.
I commented once about perving on this girl from the back and when we actually saw her face she only looked like she was about 12...that definitely made me sick!
Men have gotta stop makin that exuse that its natural to be a pervert...sometimes is ok at someone really hot...not everything that walks.
by sarahmac on January 27th, 2010
Just let him know. If it continues, he may be doing to get a rise out of you, don;t give in to that. Or find a celeb to drool over every chance you get.
by TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT on August 18th, 2009
your descriptions of how your boy looks are women are nausiating even to a guy like me... seriously he is causing you anguish you are better off without.
by callmecasanova on August 18th, 2009
is a man's natura1 reaction to look...once is okay, anymore than once he's day dreaming but hittin it.
Do you believe in love or lust at first sight?
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You're reading Ok here goes my husband is faithful he is home every night but there is one thing that urks me and that is he will look at other women online or if we are driving somewhere and see's a women with a nice body he will look. To me i feel direspected.
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