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by True One on December 17th, 2005

True One

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Why can't I seem to trust my boyfriend of 4 years? I think everything he tells me is a lie. I can't help but check his cell and look for clues. All his friends are disrespectful and I don't see why he hangs with them. Am I insecure?

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Answers. 23 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous on December 19th, 2005

    Anonymous

    They used to say that jealousy and insecurity are always together and I agree to that. I also tend to doubt my bf of 3 years "sometimes" but I'm fighting it. When it comes to love you should learn to trust one another because without trust there can be no love. Communicating with him will also be of big help and tell him what you feel.

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  • by shwingman07 on October 7th, 2009

    shwingman07

    I would say that you just need to calm down a bit. Has he cheated on you before? if so, then you have every right to be worried and also i would say that I don't know why your with him now. If he has and you are still with him, then he should have to earn your trust back anyways. Maybe he hasn't cheated on you but someone has else has in your past. If this is the case then I would say that you need to talk to him and let him know that you do trust him and that your just worried because you've been hurt before. He might be upset but if he truly cares about you then he will do what he can to ease your mind. No matter what I'd say you have to stop checking his phone and ease dropping unless you have calm across some suspicious things because it is extremely disrespectful to do these things. It tells him that you don't want to make an effort to trust him. And finally about his friends, you need to confront him, tell him how you feel about his friends and how they make you feel. You might not like what you hear because it is possible that the problem between his friends and you is your fault but tell him that your willing to make an effort to get along with his friends if he can get them to do the same. good luck!

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  • by LuLu on September 27th, 2009

    LuLu

    First of all until you have proof I wouldn't go accusing him because you may loose him. You need to stop checking his phone because if he finds out then you will probably be out the door. Let me tell you something I know that it's really hard to trust any man or woman out there today but you will drive yourself insane if you keep thinking the way you do. There is a saying that says "what someone does in the dark will come out in the light". If he is doing you dirty trust and believe that will come to light.

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  • by Karl Kruizer on October 7th, 2009

    Karl Kruizer

    It's all about trust and respect, if you can't trust him, the relationship will be a painful one, if he doesn't respect you, and allows his friends to disrespect you, then things are gonna get truly ugly. You cannot change or save a relationship with someone who is like that. Put you're efforts into someone who's worth it. ADVICE.....TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF OR LEAVE NOW. End the pain NOW, not later, and find someone who loves you for who you are. Are you insecure....... Not with the right person..........DO IT.

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  • by TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT on October 7th, 2009

    TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT

    sounds like it. has he given you reason to doubt his word? have you ever found evidence to prove your suspicians correct? if so then maybe his friends hate you because he can't misbehave around you. if not, maybe his friends hate you because you are such a psycho.

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  • by Gingerminx on October 7th, 2009

    Gingerminx

    Yes.

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  • by jesspants on October 6th, 2009

    jesspants

    this could be so many things from feeling not good enough for anyone due to low self esteem, to a gut feeling, to the fact that somewhere in your past you have been let down before. I feel your pain but torturing yourself by going through his things doesn't really help does it? Unfortunately the word trust means you have to take a risk in life. Nothing is ever certain and I feel your pain in wanting so desperately to be in control of your life and not get hurt in this way. We all put ourselves out there everyday with our partners, family and friends but life is full of risk. Of course we can take calculated risks by being with a person that feels right, whom we truely believe would not intentionally hurt us. I think you need to sit down and really think where these feelings are coming from. Are they irrational? Is this a pattern you have repeated in several relationships? Do you feel you are not good enough to satisfy this person? Or is there really something about him in particular that makes you suspicious. Ask yourself these questions or else every relationship will always end the same and I know because it has happened to me.
    Good Luck. I hope you feel better soon :)

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  • by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on September 27th, 2009

    Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot

    Get a life. Get away from this person and get a life. You are pathetic. No wonder his friends are disrespectful. What are you clinging to something like this for? I repeat get your own life and don't worry about what this creep is doing. You are co dependent down to your toes and have no self respect.

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  • by Ms Pretty Eyes on September 27th, 2009

    Ms Pretty Eyes

    I think it has to do with a dash of insecurity, but a whole lot to do with self defense. It's not so much about being insecure that he is doing something; it's more so about the fact that if he does.. you don't want to feel devastated. That's why you look through his phone. You want to know. Females have to realize that we have no right. That's his personal shit. I understand we have a right to know. But, that shows lack of trust and respect on your behalf. It's all about how we go about finding things out, if in fact there is any concern at all. Let him do him. In the meantime just be aware.

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  • by Mr Mitchell on September 27th, 2009

    Mr Mitchell

    Sounds to me like you are either insecure or you just know it's not going to work out. Don't forget that if you are going through his cell phone and all that behind his back that you are being disrespectful and he might not deserve it. I say you should take it like it is or leave and find something better. After four years you should not have to be doing this.

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  • by Anonymous on December 2nd, 2009

    Anonymous

    He either gave you a reason or you have insercurity issues

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  • by Monkey D Luffy on December 2nd, 2009

    Monkey D Luffy

    Hi
    it depends because i dont knows you two as friends but i can tell you that if you have been with him for four years and he still had bad friends that just sucks.if you are insecure and have been with the same guy for four years that says something. he might not be the best gut in the world but he must realy like you if he isnt bothered by your " insecurity" if you think everything he tells you is a lie find out the truth. if you cant trust him find out why u cant trust him. u can be insecure but to not trust your guy for that long.

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  • by Anonymous on August 28th, 2009

    Anonymous

    If you know he lies, then you have reason not to trust him and you shouldnt trust him. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something IS wrong. I went through this with my bf for 3 years and I have finally worked up the nerve to totally break it off. I was kidding mysel, thinking things would get better, but the whole time my gut told me something is not right and I dont believe I can trust him. He loved me very much and I loved him. But when I questioned hi about anything, he would always have a story or lie ready. Some people are very very good at lying and telling you what you need to hear. I would suggest you break if off, why waste anymore of your precious life on someone like him. I know how it feels wondering and not knowing for sure what he may be up to. It can drive you crazy! And it takes away from you being able to focus on your work or anything else. I realize now, that I have wasted soooo much valuable time. My bf is still trying to talk me into getting back together and now I know I have to ignore his calls, not respond at all, so that he will realize that I am not interested in pursuing our relationship. I rather be alone the rest of my life than live with someone who is not honest and can not be trusted!

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  • by anothergrl on August 26th, 2009

    anothergrl

    You have issues

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  • by Anon on December 26th, 2005

    Anon

    Yes. You are definitely insecure. You didn't say that he had given you any reason to doubt him, so perhaps the problem goes deeper that your relationship with him. Either way, it might be good to talk to a counselor who can help you investigate the roots of this issue.

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  • by cici77 on August 26th, 2009

    cici77

    No, you're not insecure. You have natural instincts that are making you feel the way you do. Always trust your instincts you are probably right. Good luck & don't be too hard on yourself, relationships are never easy.

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  • by Anonymous on August 29th, 2009

    Anonymous

    There are two possible reasons for your insecurity:

    1. You have been hurt by men in the past, and this impedes your ability to trust someone, even when they've done nothing wrong. If that's the case, you need to seek counseling.

    2. Your gut is telling you that something's wrong. Has he done anything to make you feel suspicious?

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  • by Marika1970 on October 7th, 2009

    Marika1970

    Dump the jerk! I'd be suspicious too.

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  • by randomness - is now a Maestro on October 7th, 2009

    randomness - is now a Maestro

    Okay.... let me get this straight... YOU are complaining that your boyfriend isn't trustworthy, and then YOU are sneaking behind his back and reading his private phone messages? You can't expect other people to be trustworthy without being trustworthy yourself, let's dispense with the double standard you seem to have. You DO appear to be insecure, and it seems that you are the untrustworthy one here, not your boyfriend.
    -
    The first thing you need to do is stop snooping around in his phone, and apologise to him for it. Then sit down with him and talk about this. Why don't you trust him? If you've been dating for 4 years, you should be able to trust him. Is this his problem, or is it really just yours? These are some of the things you can discuss, and hopefully you can reach some conclusions which will make both of you happy.
    -
    And also, he probably doesn't like some of your friends. They are his friends, you don't have to like them, and to be honest, successful relationships don't tend to involve one partner trying to break up the other partner's friendships. Let him be friends with whoever he wants. If you try and convince him to pick you over them, he may choose them, as they may have been around for longer, and also, they aren't the ones trying to force him into a corner and control his social life.
    -
    Just some food for thought.

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  • by CAPTAINBOB on October 7th, 2009

    CAPTAINBOB

    Oh, my bad, your a woman, you don't understand that men are pigs.

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  • by CAPTAINBOB on October 7th, 2009

    CAPTAINBOB

    Apparently you don't know me, my name is asshole, yours is liar, I assume. Or is it that your wife has your answerbag password? When a man builds up enough, he will f a tree, if it has a hole in it.

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  • by Grant aka Guybrush Threepwood on October 7th, 2009

    Grant aka Guybrush Threepwood

    seeing how this was 4 years ago, i hope you worked it out.

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  • by CAPTAINBOB on October 6th, 2009

    CAPTAINBOB

    Men are going to have sex when and if they can get it from any woman they are attracked to. If it makes you feel better, they are usally remorseful afterwards. A mans mind is directly connected to his penis. Men who don't cheat, don't have opportunity or they think they will get caught. Any man alone on a desert Island with a pretty woman is going to go for it when the feeling comes.

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