The fact you claimed that this is not spam shows an already nicely developed eye for the sarcastic!!

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit is what the proverb says so why on earth do you want to perfect such a demeaning style of humour? It is ironic and scornful so therefore swallow a mouthful of acid and speak venomous words to whoever you see. Annoying people are best put in their place by your natural charm and style not somebody who has a scornful tongue! You twit!!!! Only joking just letting mysarcastic spleen be vented! Seriously though do not bother sarcastic comments do not really put any one in their place, rather a gentle answer turns away wrath!

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to peterpam - You have a point in that sarcasm should be used sparingly. Of course I wouldn't use it on just anyone all the time. I think it's a useful skill in certain situations though!

There is a fine line between using sarcasm and irony and dry humour (guess it would actually be a triangle instead of a line then). If you are looking to learn the art of "putting annoying people in their place", the first thing you need to do is learn confidence, and not arrogance. Learn to make fun of yourself, so you can undermine their attempt at being mean. Also, learn to diffuse a tense situation with humour. Once you can do these two key things, you can let go of the situation. Think akido, make the energy of the attack work for you. Example, give me the meanest possible thing you can think of (just keep it clean), and I will give you a way to deflect it.

ok... this isn't the meanest thing but it is annoying: Someone constantly points out that I am quiet in front of lots of people.

ok... this isn't the meanest thing but it is annoying: Someone constantly points out that I am quiet in front of lots of people and this person is older than me.

also, can you please elaborate on how to use irony and dry humor in conversation ? I don't want people to think I'm a curmedgeon or something lol. Thanks for the answer!

Sarcasm has to be used with discretion, or else all you will accomplish is making people hate you or wish you weren't around them. Whichever path you take to becoming the commensurate smartass, it works most effectively when you use a fresh approach. People who simply regurgitate tired old comebacks are boring and noted primarily for their goal to irritate without humor, but solely with the edge of meanness working for them, not an advantage in any strategic situation. So, be original and employ humor. Try to disarm your intended victim but not to deface them or rip their legs completely off, because then you look like the bad guy and that defeats your purpose. Practice understatement as a form of dry humor. People who are constantly getting all worked up about nothing and demonstrating all kinds of histrionics are seen as stupid and out for attention. Remember the crocodile hunter Steve Irwin? He would get his ozzie accent all cranked up about just every little thing so that it didn't mean so much, and it was tiring much too quickly. Don't do that. Stay calm. Make your observations profound and utterly ridiculous, which is fine as long as you know that's what they are. Maintain your poise and dignity, and say such ridiculous things that Bozo would wonder. It takes practice, both to deliver without hiccups and to select the appropriate wording that will indirectly illustrate how you feel about something of which most people in your present company are indubitably aware. Never use sarcasm as a weapon against a friend or someone with whom you hope to have a long-term relationship - whether platonic, romantic, professional, or otherwise. Intelligent people hang on to memories like that, and they burn a slow hole for a long time.