ANSWERS: 14
  • Very very slow!!! First it's important to know your possibilities. +4 :)
  • It is very easy..you just have to realize/acknowledge that you are only human..you don't have all the answers and neither does anyone else..so you give people a break..you cut 'em some slack..you don't judge/pontificate/look down upon/feel superior to..because you know we are all in the same boat and if we continue to pull this cr** on one another the boat will sink for sure. :)
  • its a matter of wanting to accept something eg my bf dissapears for hours on end without even a phone call or text and when he gets back he just says oh ive been doing such and such a thing. ive chose to accept his behaviour because i want to be with him so really i think its a matter of if you want to accept something or not.
  • Once one accepts themselves and where they are in life.They do not blame themselves or others for their situation,and are ready to make changes,then acceptance of oneself and others is more real and lasting.
  • By learning to forgive themselves and others , is what came to my mind good question + 5
  • It is very difficult to learn a way to accept, I am afraid it is a state that is forced apon us. It is much harder to learn how to forgive, that is still beyond my powers.
  • By Failure! can't believe no one said this yet.
  • Practice! We have to change our minds about people and appreciate two things: 1) They have infinite worth, value, and potential. 2) They are also flawed, broken, and vulnerable like everyone else including ourselves. That helps me.
  • 'One day at a time' as the old saying goes.
  • By starting with ourselves.
  • I do not think acceptance is learned. I think there is also a difference between tolerance and acceptance. In society we all have to tolerate each other and our differences, but we do not have to accept them. For example, if I am a Christian and you are an Atheist, I have to tolerate your beliefs as you do mine in a free society, but I do not accept your doctrine as right and can even find you offensive if I wish to. Tolerance is what should be taught, acceptance will not happen unless you truly feel the other person is right or doing the right thing.
  • I think one learns acceptance by being accepted unconditionally
  • Well... I don't really like that phrase "learning acceptance". It sort of implies a passivity, a resigned "giving in" to the inevitable terribleness of life or something. Actually, what I don't like about it is that it suggests a fixed "way things are" which we must learn to accept. The trouble is, all of that is very conceptual. It's a bunch of ideas -- ideas about how life is, about who we are, and about the need to "accept" the way life is so that we can be happy instead of being frustrated or whatever. Let's talk instead about "being at odds with what is": this is painful. Right at this moment, reality is doing exactly what it's doing. I feel the way I feel, I'm having the thoughts I'm having, everyone else is doing what they're doing, and so forth, yes? That's just "what's so". It doesn't mean anything, it's just the current swirl of activity that we call "this moment". Now, if something is going on that I don't like -- let's say, somebody is standing here talking to me about something I'm not interested in -- the automatic tendency is to RESIST that. There's a psychological and physical "withdrawal" from the situation, like a sea anemone pulling in when you push it with a finger. The mind starts wandering, or gets preoccupied with thoughts like "this person is annoying"... the stomach muscles tighten up, facial muscles freeze into a frown or a fake grin, etc. All of this is "resistance to what is" -- it doesn't change the FACT that the person is still talking, it's just a sort of resistive "knot" in my behavior... a "wishing this moment would END". This is what I mean by withdrawal or resistance: reality is what it is (the person is talking) and I don't like it, and I'm caught up in all my thoughts and feelings about how I don't like it, so I'm not really PRESENT with what this person is saying. Not only am I not present to what they're saying, I'm also not present to my own reaction. I'm not *noticing* that my reaction has taken over -- I'm "hooked". Those thoughts are dominating consciousness, and there's no aspect of my mind which is noticing "hey, nobody's home here!". Basically the mind is just consumed with the wish to be elsewhere, or to scroll forward in time to the moment after my oppressor leaves. I'm not here, not now. But of course life is just full of these kinds of things we'd rather not have in our space. There's no way to eliminate them all. What to do then? Well, the answer is to learn to be present more and more, and in order to do that, we have to learn to be present to our own internal state -- all those thoughts and feelings and internal resistance meters have to grow themselves a "supervisor" -- a bit of mental discipline which works at being aware of what's going on all the time. This works, because in order to be present to the annoying person, I must first be present to my own resistance... to be able to observe it without getting caught up in it. In other words, it's no good to resist my own resistance, that just makes things more complicated. I have to *allow* my own resistance to exist just as it is, with a sharp and clear awareness of it. Just *seeing* the resistive thoughts and muscle tension, etc., and recognizing them for what they are... that's all there is to it. In the next moment, it's ok that the jerk is talking, and it's ok that I'm resisting. It's all OK. POOF! In an instant, the struggle is over. The mind has "reset" to the current moment, and come to a state where it's willing to be with what's going on -- all of it, including the internal thoughts and reactions. Suddenly the flow of experience is restored, and now something new, interesting, and creative can occur. I can start listening. Or I can interrupt and change the subject, or talk to them about the importance of knowing your audience when talking, or perhaps something else. Life can FLOW again, because the "clog" of being stuck in my own resistance has been flushed with the drain opener of self-awareness. Now, it's not over -- in 2 minutes something else will come up which I don't like, and we'll have to start all over again: resistance, unconsciousness, awareness, resolution. This pattern repeats *forever*, and the only thing distinguishing someone who's free from someone who is imprisoned is the rapidity and facility with which they're able to reach resolution and be ready for the next bit of misfortune! Of course, understanding how this works, and practicing it in daily life... that's what makes all the difference between suffering and freedom.
  • I don't know if I'd say acceptance is/was learned, for me. I think it was "realized" and that came with time and self-analysis.

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