A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Broke back-Mountain crap in our garden."

Dating a Prostitute A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane. When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex. After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''

A duck walked into a salon and asked the manager if he had any grapes... The salon manager said "no.. this is a salon silly... we don't sell grapes here"... The duck looked worried and turned around and walked out... A few moments later the duck walked back into the salon and asked the manager "Do you have any grapes" and gave a big grin... The manager looked confused and said "No... We don't have any grapes..." The duck then again walked out with a strange look on his face... A few moments later the duck walked in and asked "Have any grapes" with another grin on his face... The manager was tired of it and yelled "NO... I DON'T HAVE ANY GRAPES!! AND IF YOU COME BACK IN HERE AND ASK FOR GRAPES AGAIN I AM GOING TO NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!!!!" The duck ran out and sat outside for a while... He walked back into the salon... The manager stormed up to the duck and said "WHAT?!" And the duck asked "Got any nails?" "NO! I don't have any nails" the manager said So the duck said "Got any grapes"... ha ha ha... my father use to tell me this one when I was little and it would always make me laugh...

OK, it is a little long but more than worth the read. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin........ This is the story of life upon the ocean bed.... Two prawns swimming around in the sea- one called Justin, the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabit the area. One day Justin said to Christian, "I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten". Just then, a mysterious Cod appeared, he waved his fin and within seconds, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam away afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed, as it does and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates just swam away when he came close to them. He didn't realise his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. One day swimming alone again, he saw the mysterious Cod and he thought that perhaps, the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. So he approached the Cod and begged to be changed back and, lo and behold, he turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam over to all his old friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering he realised he couldn't see his old friend. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", was the reply. Eager to put things right again and to end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted "It's me Justin your old friend, come out and see me!" Christian said "No way man, you'll eat me - you're now a shark. You're the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner!" and Justin shouted back: "No man, that was the old me - I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian!"

when u want to cheer,,then whats the need of a joke... trust urself..have faith on urself...and say.."I WILL REMAIN HAPPY AT ANY INSTANT OF TIME..."

The other one I have, I have sent via email because it is better with the pictures it contains (and don't worry, it is not rude or offensive, just really silly).

The Blonde In The Library A blonde walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."