I don't lend money to friends or family members. If I have a friend or family member that needs money, I will give it to them. If I am paid back, then I'm pleasantly surprised, but I don't expect to ever see it again.

If I have a friend that is REALLY in need (medical or otherwise) I would have no problem lending them money, or even giving them money if it was really important.

"Never a borrower or lender be". ---Ben Franklin.. (I think)!

I, too, have had a real problem with this is the past couple of years. Currently, I am owed over $4,000 by various friends, and I'm fairly sure I won't see most of it again. However, I keep in touch with those "friends" and remind them on occasion that I would appreciate a payment when they can get to it. And, I try to believe that, if I'm ever in need of financial help, someone will be there to help me, as well. Regarding how to say "No" -- well, as often as I can, I transfer money into my savings account, then into CD's whenever possible. That way I can get to it if I NEED to, but it's easy to say I don't have it when friends ask.

Lending money in a friendship is one way to ruin it. I have lent somewhere around $1,000 to a friend of mine and he's only now started paying me back. I would get frustrated because he'd take his girlfriend out to dinner when he hadn't even started paying me back... Now that other people know that he's borrowed money (because they were there when I gave him another loan), I think he's been better about things. He's the sort of person who wants to pay all-or-nothing (which would make him a bad credit card candidate! I'm glad he doesn't have one, to be honest.) and I've explained that he can pay me back $20/week. It'd take him about a year, but that's the price of one meal out. If you treat it like a gift and being paid back is all gravy, that's one thing. That's how I treat most loans to family, to be honest, but it can cause some major stress in the relationship if money is dangled over it. If you're willing to take someone to court in case they skip on the debt, have your friends sign a promissory note. There are plenty of templates available online and in legal form books at libraries. The other thing you could do is hold some of their property as collateral and have a written contract, stating that you're holding said item until the loan is paid back.

If they are a true friend, I give them what they ask for without expecting any return. If I don't have enough, I give them what I can provide. If I can't provide money, I look for an alternative solution: If they need to buy a tool and I have one, then I give them mine, if I can without detriment to myself. I never ask a friend to pay back a gift because I make whatever they need into a present. A friend will respect that and not take advantage of generosity, but will use it to everyone's advantage, including mine. By not expecting gifts to be returned, I avoid a crisis and the loss of friends. Most gifts are usually returned in due time, and sometimes many times the gift I gave, but friendship is worth a little material sacrifice, if not a lot. I learned to let go of things, and that has made a big difference. It wasn't easy.

I hate to sound stingy, but I'm with you. I've been burned so many time from lending not only money but other things. I usually don't lend things out anymore.