My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his father insults me from left to right and the father watches my every move. I asked my boyfriend why he didn't defend me and his response was, "My father is just joking. He's always like that." What should I do?

You should set this straight right now if you want to have a long term relationship with this guy. My in-laws are notoriously sarcastic, and although I've gotten used to it over the years, we've reached a level of understanding--I try not to take offense and they've dailed back a bit--BUT, I firmly believe it's a smokescreen they use to allow them to intentionally say hurtful things and later claim they were 'joking'. Instead of tolerating bad behavior, I actually call them on it these days, but it's not easy and makes them look like a horse's behind.

Let your boyfriend know that it is unacceptable to you and if he can't get them to back off, and you're not bold enough to say anything, you'll know where you stand. Good luck.

That is not correct at all. Jokes or not he should stand up and protect you from being hurt/insulted. Thats if he truly does care about you. Talk with him and tell him that if he still does nothing you make the decision of staying with him or not. No offense but he should get a backbone.

let him know how much it bothers you...if that doesn't work then have one of your girlfriends insult him a few times and then don't defend him, that'll do the trick

my dad insults everyone as a joke, hes pretty selfish, but im just like him, he usually only insults people he likes or knows well. its his way of saying, your cool with me, a kind of break the ice kind of thing, i dunno, its complicated the thoughts and ideas of a man, maybe he just likes you

Unless he's "joking" about your ethnicity, this question is in the wrong section.

Sit down with both of them and explain your viewpoint and your rules on how you expect to be treated.

If your boyfriend cannot agree that his father should treat you with respect , it is IMO already too late for him to be the person that you need to spend your life with.

If things do not change rapidly get out of the relationship this boyfriend has had a bad example for too long ever to know how to treat people properly.

The father may have a thing for you and is being intimidating to disguise it. That's wrong. Ask your boyfriend to act like he has a pair and to do what a gentleman should do in that situation. If continues to buckle to his father, I see a sick development on the rise, and you might want to be somewhere else. If you foresee the situation maintaining a status quo, begin distancing yourself. It ain't healthy. There is plenty of boyfriend material out there with healthy, functional families that will treat you with respect.

Get away from both of those losers. You don't need them.

Keep in mind, we mean our insults, even when told in jest.

Tell him it's unacceptable & if he doesnt put a stop to it dump the pussy! If it were funny everyone would be laughing.

You're boyfriend is wrong. If his father is saying things that hurt you he should be stepping in, not blowing it off.

Stand up for yourself!!!
Your boyfriend has some reason that he can't or won't tell his Dad to back off, so you do it! You have every right to demand to be treated with respect.

If it was me I would be telling my partner that it is not a joke when you are being hurt by it and that if he doesn't say something next time then you will and you will no longer visit his parents or go to any family gatherings that he attends. When I married my husband I told him , I am marrying you and not your family and you are marrying me and not my family. If he doesn't want to see my family he doesn't have to and if I don't want to see his I don't. I don't have much tolerance for deliberately hurtful people.

It's hard to know what to say without knowing what kind of family they are.

explain to your boyfirend that your feelings really are getting hurt and it doesnt matter if his dad is joking, it's still not a joke to you. If he still doesnt bother than i would think about what kind of guy you are dating. I would want someone to stick up for me...also i would want to date a man who's parents liked me and didnt hurt me feelings. Good luck my dear!

It sounds like your boyfriend is making excuses because he's scared of his father. Placating you is less stressful and threatening than standing up to his dad. From now on, stay away from Pops the A$$hole.

Drop him if he isnt gana defend you, cause thats really racist.

I think that I need to know more about this situation before I answer. It's possible that you're being way too sensitive, but it's also possible that his father is being way too insensitive.

Depends how old he is, if he is on his teens then he might be scared to stand up to his dad but if he is in his 20 to 30s then he has no excause for not sticking up for you

That is a prelude to a critical situation, if he can't defend you when his Father attacks you in a "joking" manner then what will he do when his Father is not "joking." Let it go!!!!

Not all jokes are funny, so everyone is not going to laugh and others are just to plain stupid to understand, so do not let that be a measuring stick. If you are having a problem with it, you tell the father, if that does not resolve the problem, stop going around the father, he for whatever reason does not like you, and that is his given desire, leave it alone!!!!