- NEW!
by Ender is back.. And slightly confused. on July 24th, 2007
Anything.
by Amorphous Blob on July 25th, 2007
I've been thinking of more all morning:
(Singing while she screams in pain…)
Woooooo, hooo hoo HOO ooo ooo OOO ooo ooo ooo ooo-OOO-ooo-ooo-ooo...
Don’t worry ... Be happy
Woooooo, hooo hoo HOO ooo ooo OOO ooo ooo ooo ooo-OOO-ooo-ooo-ooo...
Don’t worry ... Be happy...
(repeat as necessary)
Hey honey, does everything feel all right? Because one of the nurses was telling me about a baby that was born here last month that had extra legs where its arms shoulda been.
I know just how you feel.
Ewwwwww... that’s digusting!
Just imitate her cries and moans, and then say “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was doing it”.
Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this baby isn’t mine. (I don’t know what this means, it just sounded funny.)
Hey honey, how long do you think it’s going to be before you’re back “in the mood”?
Oh, man, some of the nurses here are HOT!!!
Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m gay and I’m leaving you for Roger next door.
(light up a cigar)
by PillowPants on July 25th, 2007
Oh, come on-it can't hurt that much!
by Someguy on July 25th, 2007
My wife went into serious labor during the 4th quarter of the 2002 Superbowl. It is referred to as the best Superbowl ever. The Patriots won the game with a last second field goal.
It was a great game so I asked my wife if I could keep the game on while she pushed. My advice to the guys out there: "Don't do that. EVER."
The nurses hated me. All I wanted was to watch 10 more minutes of the game.
by travel breeze on August 20th, 2007
"Hey, could you keep it down, I need to take this call"
by Babycakes on August 20th, 2007
It's all about you isn't it...what about me?
by Amorphous Blob on July 25th, 2007
These gowns they make you wear are really uncomfortable, you know?
Ow, a paper cut. Ow.
I need a beer.
You know, childbirth hurts so much because it’s God’s judgment on Eve for sinning in the Garden of Eden...
So honey, when do you think you’re going to lose all this weight you’ve been packing on?
by Amorphous Blob on July 24th, 2007
Ooh, I think somebody's being a little grumpy...! You need to turn that frown upside-down!
Anybody want to sing some show tunes?
Are you about done? Because my feet are killing me.
by pepe09 on August 20th, 2007
The quicker that you can get this done, the lower the hospital bill.
by Big Purple Blob in a rainCOAT on September 29th, 2007
Mine actually said it: "When do you want to have the next one?"
by Ridiculous on July 25th, 2007
It is going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway after that thing comes out of you.
by Nellie Wise Gamgee on July 25th, 2007
"Don't complain because all I wanted was a blowjob!"
by Amorphous Blob on August 17th, 2007
Wow! Doesn’t that hurt?
Hi, mom! Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you, I invited my mom here.
(Trying to wrestle the forceps away from the doctor…) You’re not DOING it right!!!
Smile for a picture… cheeeeeeese!
Is it supposed to be that color?
What does this machine do? (pause) Oops.
Honey, I’m *really* not sure I’m ready for this fatherhood thing…
It better be a boy, that’s all I can say.
by Mr n Mrs M... on September 29th, 2007
"Come on get on with it! My parking permit will expire in 20 minutes!"
by American idle on July 24th, 2007
"Be right back......."
by I m Out of here on October 11th, 2007
Hay honey, do you remember that scene from Aliens?
Ever seen a donkey show?
I bet I could put my head in there!
After this I'll show you my lion tamer bit.
We should have taken pictures when it was still pretty and normal sized.
Hey doc! Can you put a couple more stitches in her for me (nudge.. You know what I mean?)
That's gross..I'll never eat p@$$y agian.
So much for two piece bathing suits!
How about a threesome with that cute candy stipper when we get home.
That supper model looked better than this on that reality show you watch.
What have I done?
by We miss our girl! on August 20th, 2007
"I once dated an older woman who's p***y was sooo tight" (Yes, my EX husband decided to mention that)
by Melissa82 on October 18th, 2007
My husband was asleep in the chair snoring. I wanted to punch him out. He woke up for the actual birth part though and had the nerve to tell me he was tired after it was all over.
by Laurie on July 24th, 2007
Is it mine?
by agent1337 on August 27th, 2007
Honey, it could be worse
Howz life
Hey pumpkin, guess what, you gotta guess!
Honey i got fired from my job
Is it to late for you to get an abortion?
Whats for dinner?
Woops is this the wrong room? o wait no nevermind, didnt recognize you.
Honey, i think you should stop doing yoga and spend more time at home
Pull my finger!!!
I wonder how the game is, honey do you mind if i watch the football game?
Sorry im late, i got distracted by these hot nurses
Honey, i told you we should have used a condom but noooo
Dont worry, it cant be that bad
Stop Complaining, i have to sit in traffic and work
*To the Doctor* When do you think it will be safe to have sex?
Honey, i think we need to sell your ferarri and get a minivan
by Magenta on August 20th, 2007
I've been thinking- I don't think our relationship is working out. There's this woman at the office, her name is Clair, you met at the company picnic, and well ...
by Gina on July 24th, 2007
I had a male doctor, when I had my first baby. He told me that I wasn't "pushing right". How the heck can a man tell a woman who is pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon, that she's pushing wrong. I really let him have it..
by -O-uknow on September 29th, 2007
"Suck it up"
by HarryBack on August 20th, 2007
Could you hurry up?
by Stay Strong Stephen Murray on July 24th, 2007
I had to answer my own question
"Oh my god I just bit my tong, thats the most pain I've ever felt in my whole life"
by Someone on July 24th, 2007
I'm glad I'm not you.
by Scifisuz on August 20th, 2007
Boy, you look like hell.
by Starmaster on July 25th, 2007
Two of my aunts died while doing what you are doing!
by jilltc on November 27th, 2007
My friends husband said to her, while the doctor was checking to see how dialated she was, "I hope you're not enjoying that"!!
by Jade on November 25th, 2007
When my oldest daughter was in labor, a male nurse..orderly..or whatever..came into the room and proceeded to use the phone. While he was talking a hard contraction hit and she started "yelling". He looked at her (with utter disgust) and said, "Will you be quiet for a minute?" She forgot about her labor for a few minutes and gave him her FULL attention. You could hear her cursing him all the way to the nurse's station.
by fils1girl on November 10th, 2007
"Can you put an extra stitch in there for me?" This was actually said! I almost died of embarassment.
by Nickname on May 13th, 2008
You're pregnant?!
by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on September 29th, 2007
"So I took out a life insurance policy on you last month, and make me the beneficiary."
"Eeewww... what is THAT?" (looking under the sheets)
"Better you than me!" (Goes back to watching football)
"I have this kinky new sex idea... maybe we can try it out tomorrow!"
by The King of Awesome on September 29th, 2007
"by the way, if the test i took last month is any indication, you and the baby both have HIV"
by Starson on July 25th, 2007
Alright love, I'm off to the pub for a pint, catch ya later
by Jeffers on October 28th, 2007
Honey, very soon this will be all over and you won't remember it...
also
It's gonna get worse before it gets better...
by 2old2dieyoung on October 10th, 2007
This is fun!! Let's have another one next year!!
by C-C. on April 11th, 2008
My grandpa made my grandma really mad and all he was doing was laughing. And she said "what are you laughing at", and he said "you make some funny faces".
by Capt. Jack Sparrow GALCIY on August 20th, 2007
No way in HELL did that come from my loins, when you get done I'm gonna smack you right in the mouth!
That was my tribute to the late Jackie Gleason.
by El Soupy spanish for the soupy on July 25th, 2007
grooooossss. or you have really let yourself go. or how soon do you plan on losing that baby weight?
by Possum on May 13th, 2008
Hey, cool! My phone has Donkey Kong?
You want something to read?
Here's my pager number, just buzz when you get your shit together.
Do you think we'll have to stay here all night (day)?
Are we going to get frequent flyer points for this?
Suzie didn't howl like that.
Cowgirl up! You didn't see our (Bassett Hound) carrying on like that.
You're really getting me hot!
by shannnonigans on May 13th, 2008
"The airline called and just confirmed my flight to Mexico..I will see you two in 18 years."
by elillybug on January 8th, 2008
shhhhhh do you have to yell so damn loud....<---yup he really said it to me..the nurse took care of his ass...
by sparkie2448 on July 25th, 2007
WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!?
by od.... on June 7th, 2008
Bitch! Stop squeezing my hand so hard! Do you realise how much that hurts?
by kourageous kitty on May 13th, 2008
nothing at all, i had a 6hr induced labour, and my ex went to sleep at the end of the bed.
by Emmagirl wants to leave and not leave... on September 29th, 2007
Did you know you are turning into this ugly shade of puce with all this breathing in and out?
You know, this scene is going to haunt me next time we make love.
Is that hole ever going to get small again?
So...what are you going to do about the stretch marks?
Eww...the umblical cord looks like an intestine!
by Daisy85 on August 27th, 2007
Come on honey....its not that bad.
by .avallach on August 20th, 2007
Can you hurry this up? I don't want to miss the pre game show.
by Anonymous on August 20th, 2007
does it hurt? calm down!
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