How can I start proceedings to legally disown my daughter? I live in the state of California , however my divorce from my daghter's father took place in Hawaii. Should I file in Hawaii or California.

Wow! Lots of bitterness here. I assume you daughter is old enough to have expressed some opinions that you don't like to hear. Consider a few things. First, no matter what legal papers you might sign (and I'm not familiar with any "disowning" legal optons) your daughter will ALWAYS be your biological daughter. Ask yourself what kind of relationship you would like to have with your daughter, that is, what kind of relationship that is different from whatever it is now? Emotions that run this deeply usually spring from love and fear and lots and lots of pain. Look how strongly you are feeling. Something is behind that and I would guess lots of pain. She must have been vicious. I'm sorry. Look inside yourself and possibly see a therapist. Might help more than legal papers. Cheaper too.

Why would you want to do this?
My kids have done some pretty bad things to me but they are still my kids.
I couldn't disown them.
She's your daughter for God's sake, what did she do to deserve this?

wow...my dad was like this to...
why the hell would you ever want to dis own your own child?
my dad did it to me
and I Have never ever been so HURT in my life..wow

It might be helpful if you explained why you can no longer take care of your daughter. Is it because of a health condition. Is she totally out of control and you can't handle her anymore. Is it for financial reasons. I am asking these questions so I can better help you find a solution not to pass judgement. I think if someone truly can not take care of their child it is better for them to find a different home for them than to put the child in a dangerous situation. I am not saying this is your situation but sometimes parents become too physically or emotionally sick to be able to care for their kids. Other parents do not have the capacity to love and care for a child. Again I don't know your situation so I don't know if any of these things apply to you.

All other feelings aside. If you truly feel that you are totally unwilling or unable to be a custodial parent than I think it is better to give up custody than to harm your daughter. Sometimes even though it is painful it is better for a child to be removed from home than for them to stay in the current situation. I do encourage you however to do some research and try to find as many resources as possible to help you raise your daughter. If you feel the situation is unsalvageable even with outside help or if you are afraid that you will seriously harm your daughter than go ahead and start the process.

I am guessing that your daughter is living with you. If you do not want to wait and try to find help then I would suggest either sending her to her father or finding a trusted family member or friend to take care of her until things get settled. If you can not find anyone and you are unable to keep her at home then you are going to have to call child protective services. Please only do this as a LAST RESORT and only if your child would be in danger by staying at home.

I know how you feel..my 2 living children dont know if Im alive or dead and dont care. I lost my youngest son from a car wreck 5 yrs ago and we were very close. Oh, how I have missed him.. When my kids were growing up I thought I was a good mother. No one couldve loved them more. Ive done and tried everything I know to be close to my two living children. Nothing has worked. I do have a tendency to speak my mind but Ive said Nothing bad or vicious.
I worry about when Im too old to take care of myself and become incapicitated, God willing I wont, but? They will be there when I pass away to see if there is any money, or if Im alive to put me in a nursing home. I wish I could disown them legally. I spend every holiday alone. Not even a call...Ive spent money on one and tried to love them, but it has gotten me nowhere. God help me, now I dont even care.
I even feel like one would do harm to me if he got the chance.Im even thinking of trying to move further away just to get further from him.
We seniors ought to be able to divorce our kids if they dont treat us human.For legal purposes of protection if nothing else. Im a retired nurse and Ive seen so many lonely people dying in nursing homes. No one ever comes to see many of them. And , their family may even life in the same town.
Its not only sad, but scary to see how people are treated.
Some of you rightous ones take care not to judge, you might end up being a victim of your own children some day. A victim of loss, sadness for all those wasted years, feelings of "what did I do wrong?", abandonement, and every holiday going through those memories of happiness that once was.
I would not wish loss of this kind of love to anyone.

Go see a lawyer. Make sure that when you write you will you explicitly leave her $1 period! Why should any other children have to deal with someone who couldn't see beyond and realize what they were throwing away. You betcha I'm bitter and as far as I'm concerned such action is right if it is deserved! Forget this "forgive and forget" crap! That doesn't happen - why the heck should I let myself be fooled twice! That would be stupid on my part. My daughter was my life but because I expressed concerns about her choice of spouse then she walked out! She made a choice and that choice was final after 5 years as far as I'm concerned!!!

I can understand what you are talking about.my daughters have all basicily ostersized me.16-18-22 years.even though I have been there for them all their lives.I have had no income for over 2 years.while trying to get my disability.so my kids dont want nothing to do with me.and the animals at child support.better said mother support.will not quit threatening me.but you must remember that kids can divorce their parents.the state can practicly hang a father for being poor no matter the reason.but when a father wants to protect himself no one has compassion for him.so dont worry about it talk to a family law lawyer.and pray to the lord JESUS for strength most people would rather judge you than help you.

You need to start with an attorney. Usually a first visit is free, and you will find out what you need. I suspect it should be where the daughter lives, but a lawyer will know for sure.

Wow!I feel sorry for your "daughter" to have a serogant like you because you cannot call your self a mother. Regardless of the situation you may be in that is a horrible thing to want to do. My parents have done some messed up things to me and never once have I thought about diss-owning them. Yah you really need help...soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

disowning your child?? hmmm.. thats the kind of men that give us good men a bad name, im going to be a father by december and the mother and i are no longer together but im going to fight to see my child, i will see my child, you cant disown your child, even if it was a mistake you made the mistake and you have to live with it, be a good father and be a bigger man and work things out with you daughter. having a child is a blessing, may sometimes be a blessing in disguise but still. stay with your children!!!

Be careful with whom you cut out of your life. You may regret such hostile actions. Take a year of patience from her if you must.

take her to the mountains and drop her off and speed away in your car...but don't leave her anything, no clothes except the ones on her back, no cell phone, no money no anything...that should help. get real why would you want to do that you son of a bitch?

I never thought in my wildest dreams that disowning a child has even been made legal! What is this country coming to? Let the child suffer through divorce... yes i think they would be able to handle that, because it is so commonplace, and there are help groups out there ready to help with the emotional things that the child will go through...but, being disowned? How can you ever explain that to someone? If there is something that is sure in this earth it is that your parents love you no matter what. Being disowned shatters that. I admit to be ignorant in so many things...I just cannot comprehend this...please can someone explain why you would want to disown your child?

I lost my little girl 9yrs ago her dad took her and I would do anything to see her again so I don't understand how in hell a person could disown there child for any reason it takes a cold hearted bitch do do that and I only hope she is not old enough to know what you are doing!

Very debatable situation! I have a 12 year old son that has completly ruined my life!! I know it sounds harsh, but yet it is the truth. He was expelled from his school and the system sent him to a alternative school. From the moment that he was sent there, the drama began!. He is oppositional defiant and expresses intermittant explosive disorder. If things dont go his way, he WILL lie,, destroy anything that gets in his way, without any remorse or regard for anyone else feelings or lives! He is very manipulative and plays the system. He just recently accused my boyfriend of malesting him, when 2 days after that he confessed to lieing about. My son told me that he said those things because he wanted to hurt me.. Why? Im not sure. Im not a mother that backs down and changes rules to comfort the child. I stick to my rules and stand firm on them!. Anyway, i just went and picked my son up from a mental health hospital because he said he wanted to kill himself! Well, the doctor said tthat there was nothing wrong with him and that he was doing all these things purposly.. Its a damn shame!! All because he got sent to an alternative school. He had every opportunity to change and chose different paths, but he chose to do things this way.. This is how he has always been, and how he will always be.. Ive put every ounce of energy, love, determintaion and time into my son.. and he refuses...everything!! Just because he can.. So, until you have actually been in a situtation where your child completly turms your life upside down, i wouldnt be to quick to judge!

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People need to not judge this woman; they have no idea what she has gone through to come to this point. I am sure she has experienced multitudes of pain and disappointment. There are times in our lives we feel we cannot go further in a situation we are trapped in - and a parent/child relationship is just that.

I have always thought to give my children unmeasurable love and care...and never expected anything in return. Nothing in return would be so much better than the disrespect and pain my adult children return to me. It is one thing to hold your children's hand as they go through suicide, self-mutilating, self-destructive modes; it's another to have your children disrespect and spit in your face, years afterwards. At some point you say it is enough...and are clueless to how you can even face another day with this child! An individual may feel this way at some point in raising a child; but when others around you see it also (friends, colleagues, nurses and doctors) - then there are some issues...and surprise! It might not be the parent's fault.

I say this sometimes also in desperation - that I want to divorce my children, but in reality I keep praying they will wake up one day and come to the understanding that they are not adults until they realize that any of the usual mistakes parents make are not the factors that have shaped their lives - but it's their own decisions that have gotten them to this point.

I don't know how old this child is, but if she is over 18...this woman needs to step away from her daughter...move and start a new life somewhere else away from her child!

I have two adult daughters (ages 21 & 23) that have been estranged from me since 2004 (7 years) as a result of an aggressive ex-wife/step father & custody fight. I was the custodial parent for several years before that, and all seemed fine. Since 2004 my daughters have not re-engaged me and they have proclaimed their strong desire to never see me again. They “remember” me beating them in accord with their mother, despite their mother (seeking full custody) acknowledged that I only spanked them one time during our marriage. I was a tough father, but I never abused them or was aggressive with them. I never hit them, but I did slap one of them for using the "f-word" at me.
I have battled for several years over my two adult children ignoring my parents (their grandparents) until two years ago, when they sued my parents over their estate planning. Since my children acted aggressively over an estate that was funded by their grandparents, I am worried that they might do something similar to my wife after I pass.
I have reached out many times, proclaiming my undying love and my desire to find solutions, but all I get in return is either nothing or very foul responses, being told to leave them alone. After years of waiting, and after watching them attack my parents, I believe it’s time to protect those that are involved in my life – my wife. Even my daughters agree that my wife’s never been tough on them and has only tried to be nice. My daughters have forgotten what we used to have, have behaved badly, and have disregarded my role as their parent.
I believe there is a point where one has to move on, and I’d like to without taking any action, however their actions are causing me to rethink my responsibility. They have the obligation to act appropriately, just as I have the obligation to protect those who support me every day. I feel for anyone who faces this dilemma and I pray for you that you find peace.
I can continue to love them as a father would, but I need to protect my wife who might have to defend herself after I pass. Very conflicting situation.

I do not know the person that inhabits my daughter's body. She is caught up in a medical system that got her hooked on pain meds after 1 botched back surgery and a second to repair the damage from the first and cause permanent disability. After being hooked on doctor prescribed and insurance paid for pain meds for a year [discovered after traffic accident] went through rehab is off the pain med and now prescribed psychotropic meds.
Her mother, a MS sufferer, and I cannot bear to watch the train wreck that is coming. I am in ill health and fear for my wife if somehow my daughter gains control over her mother's care.
We are seeking to get joint cutody with my ex-son in-law for our grand daughters protection from their mother. Any future contact with our daughter would serve no purpose other than to cause more pain that we can do nothing to alieveiate. The stress is already accelerating my wife's MS systems. I have to protect her and myself from this stranger due to the doctors and their drugs. So you see those who wish to judge. There are mitigating circumstances.

Rarely have I heard so many judgmental biased opinions based on few lines of a stranger. I am not saying it is the right thing or the wrong thing to do. I do not have the right to do that. I do know that I have been through my own share of neglect, threats, and unhealthy parenting. I have wanted to be disowned as an adolescent. It took years and age on both of our levels to finally start seeing the world in another person's eyes; to finally realize that my parents are human who make mistakes and vice versa. Yes, maybe with hope and luck if you do not disown your child you will one day discover this ever growing acceptance. Maybe not. If you are absolutely positive that your life and hers will be better if you are disowned from each other, then by all means speak to an attorney. Only firm advice I place is to make sure she knows your sincere, unbiased feelings (no hurtful comments just for the sake of hurting) before hand. Write her a letter, email, message, anything to help her gain closure and tell your side. It is only fair for the both of you and the biggest effort to get over is pride (which is often blinding). Give it awhile to sink in for both of you. Then, make your choice and live with the consequences.

My husand disowned our children very easily. I am thankful that he was not around to poison their values or degrade them. I was with my husband through college, medical school, internship, residency and then his own internal medicine practice. He then fell in love with a possessive woman who did not want him to have any connection with his friends from childhood or even his own children. He then ran away to Saudia Arabia so he didn't have to pay child support. Rather than go to jail for non-support, he chose to disown his kids when the war forced him to come back to the States. He was the loser not the kids. When he disappeared, I had to pull myself and the kids up by our bootstraps and I am a very successful person in my own right today. My daughter has a Ph D and 2 eautifu daughters and my son has a masters in architecture. Some of the things my kids' Dad did make me believe that he was capable of killing us. However, we are alive and now successful without him. I know that he is just a shell of a man and not the really great person that I once married. No one can not hold a parent in a marriage or relationship with children by legal means when that parent doesn't want that responsibility. You will find after you disown your kids they will eventually think of you and say "good riddance".

Lemme guess...

She's lesbian?

I'm pretty sure it's impossible to divorce your daughter where you live. You're not married to her. She is your child. Anyway, I am using the word "divorce" because your question is currently in the "Divorce" category, in case there is any confusion.

Hi I fully understand why you would want to disown your child/children. They can be vipers in the nest and can systematically destroy you. All you have to do to disown them is just not having any contact with them or their children; then refer to them as your stepchildren when the occasion arises. Legally, all you can do is leave them nothing in your will and let them waste their time energy and money contesting it.

I live in Scotland and it is impossible to cut children out of a will.

It's funny how no one can answer her question, but instead be so nosy as to ask why and the details and try to change her mind.

You have no idea what these people are going through, and honestly, it isn't any of your business.

Many families go through hard times daily. Just because you were raised differently doesn't make you right and them wrong.

This discussion goes along with dropping out of school, which is something most of you would also frown upon. But without proper research, you are truly the ignorant ones even if you did graduate. Because it is always possible to obtain a GED.

And to answer the question - You should probably contact the officials in charge of your current address.

As a mother of two daughters I am shocked at this, it doesn`t matter what your child does, it is still your child, you may be angry or disapointed in what they say or do, but nothing...absolutely nothing ...should stop you loving them.

California.

u guys are just so selfish
i understand the mother in few ways.
My parents are good Christian who adopted my younger sister when she was 4 years old.
We nurtured her and loved her.
I even thought that my parents loved my sister more than they loved me because they wanted to show my sister how much they loved her and always rebuked me for lots of thing.
now I grew up old enough knowing that they still loved me and they also loved my sister dearly.
but over the past 2 years, she started to act out entering her 'teenage years'
she did things my parents never understood that a child can do as a good Christian, but we learned that
we are of the same sinner as she is(one of the main thing people should learn in Christianity)
it came to the point where my mom and and dad couldn't sleep because every time they sleep, my sister would go out of house and go to bar and hang around with wrong sort of people.
they prayed over and over again, and they ended up temporarily switching guardianship with someone in other states since in the place where we live, there were bad friends of my sister, and we wanted her to move away from them.
She is currently with basically what we call god parents or maybe foster parents but she still refuses to behave there and don't go to school.
It is legal that she should be sent to family court or even juv. at her current state, but we still don't want to do that.
we still want her to change.
but it is now my mom who's sick because of her.
she has heart problem; she is constantly having abnormal fast hear beat, and she wants to let my sister go so that she may understand what kind of harsh world she is living in. But that's not even possible because she is still under 18, and legally disowning is not available.

do not believe in california you can disown, you can however relinquish your parental rights, put you still have to financially take care of her. i'm in the same situation, just waiting till she's 18, 15 more months to go