- NEW!
by Sandra havent been here since forever on June 4th, 2007
well from experience i would have to say turn the person in. my brother raped me when i was younger and i told my mom and dad, he tried to say that i wanted it but in the end our parents believed me and got me away from him and anyone eles he could harm. if your not doing it for you do it for the next little kid that has to go though this awful experience
by Emmagirl wants to leave and not leave... on June 4th, 2007
Do you know why pedophiles get away with it so often? Because they prey on the innate vulnerability and insecurity of children. If you don't report them, you are helping them get away with it. Please don't! A child will surely thank you for it!
by Galeanda on June 4th, 2007
I don't know if this will help at all but I'll tell the story anyway. I have a friend who was raped by her brother in law when she was very young. She told her parents but they didn't think it was any big deal. It was just once and he said he would never do it again. He didn't but the family expected everyone to be justs one big happy family. SHe hated being in his presence. Her sister felt like it was her fault, that she must have teased him or suggested it to him. And this is a young girl who was a virgin and had expected to stay one till her wedding night, a very religious young girl. Her parents never took it to the authorities. It never left the family. She spoke to me of it because years later she was still hurt, had left the family and still hated all guys and now her family. I think if it had been handled different, maybe the family could have healed. She did her part but her parents let her down. I understand it was their daughter's husband but to knowingly accept him back into the family? And abandon your other daughter because it would look bad to outsiders? Terrible tragedy
by Inspector Javert on June 4th, 2007
Yes - it'll help make sure that he/she doesn't have the chance to do it ever, ever again... though... that's not always the case, everyone will be alerted, at least.
by El Soupy spanish for the soupy on June 4th, 2007
yes. exposing a pedophile at any level would greatly help the life of the victim.. and also once you KNOW someone is apedophile, how could you not do something?
by MaineMoody on June 7th, 2007
Why the hesitation? What are the arguments for not reporting pediaphilia?
by Carmella on June 5th, 2007
Well I'm not sure what advice someone else can give, I mean when the victim is on the other side of the world and you don't have that much to go by so it can be difficult to gauge whether what you're doing is the right thing.
Here's my main issue with you taking action: You don't know what it's like for the victim, and you won't have to live their life, nor do you have to live it now.
You can get involved and report what's going on, but you *won't* be there to pick up the pieces, or provide a safe environment for them to live in, or comfort in the form of hugs, reassurance etc.
What if the victim loses access to the computer? Calls to the US or England aren't cheap and you don't even know if the victim would be able to call you anyway.
To me it's a bit like going into Iraq, taking out Saddam and then f**king off. Instead, (and I'm presuming a lot about what you intend to do) you'd be going into a family, ripping everything apart and possibly making life worse for the victim in another way.
On the other hand, I completely agree action needs to be taken about the situation and paedophiles in general, what is happening truly sickens me to the core. We all know the monster should have his nuts torn off and hot needles poked in his eyes before he even BEGINS to be punished, the same goes for any paedo. I'm just very wary of how a woman 6000 miles away can have an effect that will be more positive than negative.
Having grown up around someone on the Sex Offenders register, I truly am more than aware what it can be like, but I'm not sure you're in the best (or any) position deal with this properly.
by KyraLou was gone but now shes back on June 4th, 2007
Children cant do it alone, you need to help them. Report it.
by .avallach on June 4th, 2007
That's a very interesting question, and I don't expect this answer to be popular. Without knowing all of the specifics I can only make some assumptions and go from there. If it was a one-time thing, and you have some way of knowing or making sure it won't happen again, then it might not be worth the trouble. But if it's something that you think may happen again, then yes, definitely, by all means, report it. Only you can judge the state of mind of the person who did it. I don't know if we're talking about a 34 year old and a 4 year old or a 26 year old and a 17 year old, and I think the two need to be handled differently.
Edit: From reading your comment on another post I get the impression that this IS an ongoing thing and not a one-time very bad move. Yes, report it.
by Pensive on July 8th, 2007
Do not hesitate a moment more! YES! YES! Expose this NOW! Because you know about this, it is your responsibility to let it be known. If you don't, YOU are guilty too, of the horror this is for the victims. Don't worry about causing some problems for others. Think only of the EVIL that is being done here! PLEASE, PLEASE, speak up. You can be responsible for altering the entire lives of others, either by helping (preventing the crime) them or remaining silent.
by Penny The Wise on June 14th, 2007
IMO and from personal experience- Yes. A pedophile needs to be outed. There is usually more than 1 child in the family and they need to remain safe. It can be handled delicately, and with tact, but it will still be a hard situation to deal with. Good luck, and I'm sorry your family is going through such a hard situation.
by Rickster is victorious on June 14th, 2007
Jodie-
I led groups for adolescent sex offenders, often involving incest. The treatment they received often came with the offender being removed to "adolescent jail" (lock-up) or specialized foster care. Those 18 & older in Mass. also had to register in a Sex Offender registry and were sent to house arrest with an electronic tracking bracelet to ensure safety of neighbors. With adults, a District Attorney of the state would get involved who would bring the case to a judge for charges leading to possible incarceration (as in the case of members of the insurance company I work with now). This is a cause and effect situation. Traumatize others and pay the consequences. The treatment was effective and the siblings protected. The backlash in some cases was inevitable (i.e. blaming the victim) and in other cases non-existent. I hope this helpful.
Rickster
PS Feeling better tonight - thanks for your intentions
by slothmister on June 4th, 2007
Yes! I wouldent care if it was my dad, my brother or my 15th cousines sisters dogs uncles cats owner!!! If I EVER found anyone I know was a peodophile I would be onto the phone without even thinking about it!
I would disown them from my family too and they would actually be very lucky if the police got to them before I did!
There is nothing in this world worse than a peodophile (IMO)!!!
by natzter the bionic has a broken hand on June 4th, 2007
Yes it is. You need to expose him. What they are doing it wrong. Yes it will hurt the family, but you'l be stopping him from doing it to anyone else. Imagine if they did it to you children? Or their friends. Their in the wrong not you. Its their fault all the turmoil they create themselves by doing it in the first place. Im behind you what ever decision you make, but i say expose them.
by Mrs.mezzo is a Wagnerian soprano on June 4th, 2007
Do it.
by Rince on June 4th, 2007
Its worth it, don't let someone get away with this, if they do it may happen again :-(
by Ladybugs on September 10th, 2007
Report it NOW! Vindication/validation for the victim, saving any/all other children from the perpetrator, and justice for the offender! Yes, yes, yes. And I say this as I am in the middle of a litigation--state vs my ex-husband. Yes! My daughter finally, and bravely spoke up!!! You do the same--PLEASE~~~~~
by katydid15 on August 28th, 2007
Yes it is. For many reasons:
1 - A crime has been committed.
2 - Any future victims must be protected.
3 - The family involved may be sick as well as the pedophile and exposure can lead to healing.
4 - It's the right thing to do. Evil thrives in darkness and secrecy. Don't allow this to continue.
by FreeRadical Jetpacking for Nelson on June 14th, 2007
She is probably not his only victim (assuming the predator is a male). By not saying something, you are not doing the very right thing of stopping violence against others.
by Anonymous on October 4th, 2008
We haved lived the lie for years. We all thought we were the "only one" and didn't want to make waves. when we got together when he had his bypass operation we started questioning this hate issues we all had with him and it finally came out. We all live in 2 different countries and provinces. We are not young.
by Anonymous on October 4th, 2008
You have to get better. I just told my Aunt that my father had been molesting me and my sisters and brother and my nephew. She chose to stick with with her brother. She's 80 and thinks we should forgive him since he has just had a quad bypass. Our family is a mess now.
Do what is best for YOU!!! And only you!!
by Anonymous on June 27th, 2008
Yes, Yes, and Yes!!!!!!After finding out my father sexually abused my sister and I, myself was sexually abused by my older brother, I say it is always better to expose a pedophile. Writing a letter to the family member and letting them know that you know what they did and it is a crime will help with your suffering. After you let it go and expose this person you will feel a lot better about yourself and your actions. You will make other people and family members aware and to stay away from the family member who is twisted. Be prepared to be called a lier, a crazy person and mean spirited. I have spent the last 15 years completely allienated from the my family members but I have protected my children. Create your own family and pick and choose those who will honor you as a person. The only thing that should be swept under the rug is dust. Hope this helps.....Be strong.....
by moriah winde on January 3rd, 2008
As a victim of incest? I say most emphatically! Turn the bastard in, immediately! These people are selfish, and care ONLY for themselves. I was eight when I was molested by an older brother, and I am now sixty, and still having side effects from it!
The child must be told right away that they have done nothing wrong, and that the person that ''touched' them was bad, not them!
The other family members are adult, and can fend for themselves! The child is more important than all of them!
by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on June 7th, 2007
Not exposing him is worse. You are saving that child from more attacks by telling soemone what you know. If the family doesn't act then you have no choice, but to go the authorities to save that child. These people don't stop, they do it again and again to any child they can get their hands on. And any uhheaval to the family from you telling is a hell of a lot better then the damage this monster is doing. With the end of the upheaval to the family the healing can begin for everyone. To leave it unexposed lets it choke the family and especially that child in a deeper and more sinister way that will never end.
by Wise Latina on October 4th, 2008
whats the other option? Live a lie? If they dont support you, they aren't worth it...you are going to find out who really loves, and thats going to be very painful....
its definatley the right thing to do, however, buy a hat and hold on to it.
Think long and hard about this, there are going to be some serious consequences, you may never speak to some relatives again.....ofcourse you're better off with out them, but just be prepared for that. If its a matter of protecting a child right now, then do it soon.
by Anonymous on September 10th, 2007
YES!! You shouldn't even need to ask!
by Bruja. on September 10th, 2007
Expose it, you never know how many family members kept it to themselves and now you gave them courage to speak up. Also, you might spare others the agony of becoming victims. Seriosuly though...Ugh, some people disgust me....
by ICU says April is Autism Awareness Mo. on January 23rd, 2009
Yes it is. It is to protect everyone from this person. You are doing nothing wrong by exposing this, infact you are doing the person a favor by stepping in. It will take courage on your part since it involves your family even if it is extended. It is something that absolutely needs to be done. Expose this person for what they are a rid them from society by getting him put away for a good long time. These people are sick. You family, should back you. If not they need counseling too. take care and good luck to you. Please keep us posted.
by Marinesweetie09 on January 23rd, 2009
Of course it is! The turmoil and upheaval from revealing this person's evil will pale in comparison to the turmoil that will happen for his victims if this behavior continues. If you know something, you should go to the authorities in order to get this person away from innocent victims. Everyday that you remain silent allows him or her to commit more emotional damage against your family. Peace.
by Kansas44 on January 23rd, 2009
Yes! You have to do it to protect the victim and any others that could be possible victims in the future. The offender needs help and it is up to you to make sure that they get it. Letting it go and sweeping it under the rug is the wrong thing to do, and it shows the victim that it is okay to do bad things to good people. My daughter was raped by my step-son; and I would turn him in all over again. He got extensive counseling- and we found out there were two others that he touched. So it helped put an end to an awful addiction, and it taught my daughter that I will stop at nothing to protect her.
by Hans1972 on March 7th, 2010
Pedophilia and incest are separate issues. If someone is abusing a child who is also a relative, then the incest aspect of that situation is pure coincidence.
Exposing a pedophile is always the right thing to do. If they are abusing one person then they are abusing others as well. There is no telling how many children they have victimized in the past. But you can be sure that they will not victimize children in the future by bringing their crimes to the attention of the authorities.
by angelsdragoon on February 3rd, 2009
If you do not turn in a pedo he will keep it up...possibely to the point of killing someone. TURN him in!
by Catherine on April 28th, 2010
Anybody abusing a child in a sexual manner, needs their dicks in a grinder....
by adamjohn on March 22nd, 2010
Probably not, but I don't know of any other options.
by Anonymous on February 1st, 2010
I have to say my stance is based on. Is it abusive? If yes then definitely report it. If not I don't see the harm
by Hans1972 on August 1st, 2010
Pedophiles should ALWAYS be exposed so that they can be removed from society. They are like cockroaches in that for every child that you know they have abused, there are many other victims that you don't know about. They never stop either. The only thing that stops them is a prison cell or a coffin. I leave it to you to decide which is more appropriate.
by Ipow on December 23rd, 2010
I cannot real comment on the situation with out more facts but what I will say is :
------ Any Sexual Act Against a Minor is Abuse, it is Wrong and should be reported-------
by Gen.ButtNaked on November 16th, 2009
If it is a true incident of pedophilia (look it up) please turn him/her in!!!
by CHANEL on October 9th, 2009
are you serious you had to ask this on answerbag 2 know what to do? if you dont do something about it karma will make sure you understand you should have. thats crazy you needed advice.
by Christy_T on January 20th, 2011
There is only one thing you should do. Report it. I have been living in this hell and have mentally traversed every avenue. In the end of all the pain and anguish....you have to. For the victim, they will know that they were not at fault and that someone was willing to stand up for them. Be their hero. The sooner you can start therapy the better. There is a cycle to healing, denial, rage, hatred at you, hatred at the perpetrator, it goes on and on. Counseling does help and it enables you to be prepared for the mood swings. This event has forever changed who that person was. Secondly, for the perpetrator. They need to not ever be allowed to do this again. They too were quite possibly a victim...a never ending cycle....plus they need help as well.. I know this blog is old, but perhaps this will help someone else. One step at a time. And better a family be heaved off of such a road.
by BANDULU on November 24th, 2009
Most of us victims were children who didn't know that it was illegal or even wrong,so years later after growing over the scar you realize that you should open up all those taped up lies and report it-not easy!
Ever seen a dog hit by a car and thought it was dead,only to see it get up and run off? That dog will never be the same again....well we were all hit by a car at some point in our lives and we pick up and continue-but we'll never be the same again,ever!
So we can report and be morally upright,but the scar will remain forever no matter how much councelling or help we get,even compensation or conviction of the offender won't change the pain of injustice and feelings of rejection.
Yes report it,but it'll make YOU feel better,NEVER the victim!
Hi, i was thinking about seducing my mom, i had a a few ideas how but im nervous. send me a personal message if u can help. thanks
by HHFisher1983 on January 24th, 2012
| 1 person likes this
is it ok that incest and dog sex stories turn me on but never done any of it?
by rayj23 on January 25th, 2012
| 1 person likes this
Can. I see my Step moms boobs and touch them
Any advice
by Thuglife41 on January 26th, 2012
| 1 person likes this
How do i get my 87 yr old grandmother to have sex with me???
by kinky perverted man on January 27th, 2012
| 1 person likes this
I think i am in love with my mom, what should i do about this?
by HHFisher1983 on January 26th, 2012
| 1 person likes this
You're reading In a case of extended family incest, is exposing a pedophile worth the emotional effects of turmoil and upheaval on the family involved? I really need some advice.
Your favorite Q&A site is on Facebook! Become a fan to connect with the ever-growing community of Answerbaggers, share your thoughts and find out what Answerbag's up to next!
Comments
My God, Sandra. I'm so sorry. Thank you for having the courage to answer my question.
by Jodie44 on June 4th, 2007
your welcome i hope you take what i've been though into consideration when determining your next step
by Sandra havent been here since forever on June 4th, 2007
Sandra, your answer here about what you went through probably made the biggest impact on my decision. After I read it, I knew with absolute certainty what I must do. Not only did you help me, you helped someone who really needs it. Probably other kids, too, maybe kids that aren't even alive yet. You don't know how grateful I am for your answer.
by Jodie44 on June 4th, 2007
i am just glad that i could make your decision easier and i am glad to hear you are going to do the right thing
by Sandra havent been here since forever on June 4th, 2007