Therapy might help. At least you could get all that rage out.

well you really can t forgive them, you have to accept that it happened, accept that your angry and feel betrayed and hatred, and accept that you must go on with things now, It mat be easier if you were able to let this person know how you feel and get the rage out, then with the passing of time things will diminish, Never really go away , but be there less. God bless you and good luck+

Your holding onto the past, and it is haunting you. The biggest dilemma of someone in your situation is that it is hard for you to let go and forgive the fools you encountered in your past, it is impedeing your happiness, your relationships and your future, and you can't go on until you find some closure. Your not alone, there are many others who feel as you do, whose innocence was stolen from them, it's okay, you have friends and people who will support you to come to terms with what happened. You definately are in need of one on one counseling, I suggest you seek it out, if you don't know who to call, call the United Way or First Call For Help and they can give you information on qualified counselors that you can talk to about your situation.

I can only give my idea here. Personally, I think that forgiveness is something that is far too emphasised. After all, being abused can take things away from you, what makes people think you even have the capability of forgiveness in you? I don't think that you should try and force yourself to forgive your abuser. It's not as if it was a mistake now, is it? You have every right to feel hatred and rage, and why should they be forgiven? Why should you give them a chance when they took away yours? I think what is important is coming to terms with what was done to you, accepting them for what they are and being able to move on with your life. That way you are not damaging yourself. This can take a long time, but therapy can help some, for others it is something they do alone. Believe me, I really know how you feel. Good luck with it, and I am sorry this happens to anyone, including you.

I never forgave and i have nothing to do with him because I will be damned if my daughter will have to go through that. That is the one person i can truly say i HATE and if it is wrong i don't care

Don't ever think that you are ever required to forgive someone who has abused you like that. Forgiveness is something you can do if you feel like it, and if you do, it has to be on your own terms and own way. If someone is asking you to forgive the abuser, that is not okay for them to do. You are still in your greiving process. Even if this happened years and years and years ago, you still haven't gone through your greiving process yet. If it happened recently, you are still in your greiving process. And that process, only you can decided how long it lasts. No one else can or should tell you how long to greive. It takes some time, and alot of soul searching. If, eventually, you want to forgive, that is up to you. It's bad enough they had to take what they did, just don't let them take your whole life. That gives them so much more than they will EVER deserve.

You do not need to forgive them unless they are asking for your forgiveness or unless you feel the need to forgive to help your own feelings. That is one act that is terribly difficult to expect someone to forgive someone for. Forgiving them doesn't mean that you would go and hang out with them again as if nothing happened... it simply allows YOU the ability to progress and let the past stay behind you. No one can force you to forgive someone who did that, and no one should expect you to.

I don't think that I could forgive that person either. I am not sure if one could.

I recently watched a video taht included many individuals who's lives had been tarnished by rape or the murder of a close family member. What was interesting to point out was that the ones who were prepared to forgive were able to control their emotions andlive better lives then the people who still felt hatred. This does not mean that you should forget what happened; nobody can forget a thing like that. Forgiveness goes a long way to helping yourself through this difficult time. I wish you the best of luck

Maybe you need to forgive someone who didn't see the signs and didn't intervene, first. Or maybe you need to forgive yourself, first. [I don't mean this in a preachy way.] Guilt and anger come in many forms, and there are a lot of them tied up in sexual abuse. Especially for the one abused. "To err is human, to forgive is divine." An old quote, but what do you mean by forgiveness? Sweetness and light and moving on as if nothing ever happened? Seems rather impractical, doesn't it? Some things are meant to be forgotten or ignored. But life is a series of decisions. You can choose to let go of the rage day by day. You can choose not to hate. You can choose to overcome the pain, to not let it cripple you, to become a stronger, if not better, person for having survived your experience. Dwell on the good, not on the bad. No, I'm NOT saying you shouldn't talk about it or let out your feelings, but as you do, after you do, don't let it drag you down further. Let it be the lancing of a boil, let it heal you. You're strong enough to have asked the question. You're strong enough to do this. And one day you'll be strong enough to look your personal demon in the face and not have it cause you pain. Don't expect the process to happen overnight, it may take years, but whatever you do, don't give up. Hate and rage only hurts you, only harms your health and your relationships. "The best revenge is to succeed."

I totally understand how your feeling. Most likely you will just need to go to counseling, and talk about everything that's bothering you. Do not hold it inside, because it will begin to rot your insides.(if you know what I mean).

I dont think anyone can forgive the person whos abused them. Its wrong to be abused, and its even worse to be the abuser. Sick, sick people. I tend to put things inside me, so no one can see. Your hatred and rage is understandable, anyone would feel the same. Hope you have told someone about it? Your rage might be made to feel better if they got what was coming to them.

It's been 38 years for me, and I still can't forgive. I wouldn't worry so much about forgiving, (because this horror never leaves), I would just worry about taking care of myself, and learning to live with it in ways that won't destroy us. I want to forgive, and I truly have tried, but I don't think it will ever happen. Just please take care of yourself, whether that means therapy, yoga, meditation, talking to a close, trusted friend, etc., and don't spend so much time on the abuser. But, PLEASE don't turn to alcohol or drugs, because they only make it worse.

You didn't mention prosecution. Is that a possibility? It is much more important to prosecute criminals than it is to forgive them. It is also easier, if that is important to you, to forgive someone when you know he is being punished and that he won't be able to do it to anyone else.

I would report the person. Even if it happened when you were younger. This will : 1) help you to act out your anger, 2)Protect other possible future accurances, 3) Let that person know he/she is not getting away with what they did, 4) let other people know what type of person this is so they protect themselves and their loved ones. To me too many sexual offenders are getting away with it because not eneough people will report it when it happens. We have to educate our children and grand children. This is no longer safe world we live in. We do have to lock our doors, our children do have to play inside. I wouldn't worry so much about forgiving as I would moving on with your life and not allowing this to be your excuse for misery. Try your best to not think about it and stay away from the person who hurt you. This person is a sick individual and needs help.....Even if it is behind bars.

I think it's a mistake to have the notion that you need to forgive this person. What you need to do is heal. It's completely understandable that you will feel hatred and rage. You should expect, though, that over time the intensity of your feelings and thoughts should die down unless you're doing something unhealthy with them -- like clinging to some viewpoint about yourself based on what happened. It's common for people who have been abused to unconsciously form beliefs about themselves based on what happened. The details of these beliefs vary, but some of the popular variations are "it was my fault", "I'm not good enough / strong enough / whatever enough", "I can never trust {some type of person} again", etc. These beliefs are formed in a structure of psychological reaction which is self-protective and withdrawal-oriented: pulling back in on ourselves so we don't get hurt, like a turtle pulls into its shell. All of that is understandable, it's the mind's way of trying to maintain an intact sense of self and personality. But if continued too long, this kind of withdrawal becomes harmful, and the beliefs associated with it can be quite damaging. You can't go back into the past and change it, obviously... and there may not much you can do to punish the offender, either. What you can do is work on your own healing: unwinding the recoil that is associated with the trauma, fear, and pain, and gradually learning to open yourself up to life again in those areas that were closed down. But again, I suggest letting go of the notion that you "should" forgive. At some point in the future, if you become particularly free and healed within yourself, you may be able to see the past from a completely different perspective, at which point the CHOICE to forgive can indeed appear. But you're under no obligation to choose that, and you certainly shouldn't try to make yourself do it when you're still very much in the grip of what happened. Best wishes to you; you deserved better.

I have lived with the same thing for over 50yrs.and i still hate him. I wish you didn't have to go through what you did and I am so sorry. I can't and won't forgive or forget but I hope for your sanity you can find a way.

Acknowledge that it happened and then fogive them. It doens't mean it's okay they did it, only that you aren't giving them the power to keep you locked up in rage and hatred. You are not in contriol of your emotions, they are, when you feel so mouch hate. By forgiving them, you gain that power back. you are better than they. You can move forward and they didn't ruin your life one more day. You are free.

I cannot tell you how or whether to forgive in this instance and won't try. Only you know what you are capable of -- no one else. One thing to remember is it was never, never your fault. You now can control your life, your future, your self image and your destiny. Look at the good qualities you have and use those to help others and strengthen yourself. You'll find the balance you need and others will find that strength in you which you can use to help feel productive in life. Nothing could help suppress the hatred and rage more than this so it doesn't eat YOU up instead.

Since you are asking the question, you seem to feel like you should be able to forgive. I can in no way say that I know how you feel because I have never been in your particular position, but I honestly don't know if I COULD forgive someone who did that to me. Maybe it's the only way you feel you can move forward. If this is the case, forgiveness is not really for the abuser..it is for you. But just because you forgive someone it does not mean that what they did is suddenly okay..it's NOT..nor does it mean that you have to have anything to do with them. Please don't take this the wrong way, I am NOT saying you should forgive...that is something that only you can decide.

You have the desire to forgive and that shows that you are on your way to true forgiveness, forgiving someone who has violated you in such a way can feel like the most difficult thing to do, I know because I have been there. The hatred and rage that you feel has nothing to do with him, believe it or not, he did what he did and it wasn't because of you or anything you may have said or done, he did it because he has unhealed hurts and his pain is so deep that it caused him to act out in this way and unfortunately you were the victim. Now you are the one carrying the heaviness and the burden of this hatred and rage, you may be holding on to these feelings out of fear, wether sub conscious or not you may be afraid for many reasons, but know that just like this hatred and rage is not hurting anybody else in a direct way except for you, forgiving this person for what they have done will lift these feelings, give you a deeper sense of peace, freedom and it is an act of love, of self love. Compassion must come first, compassion for him and compassion for you, what could he have been going through or how much must he have been hurting to do such an awful thing to another person, and it may be hard but try understanding, love and compassion. I'm not saying to go hug this person or anything like that, this doesn't mean that you are saying what he did is ok, it just means that it was something you had to go through and now in order to find peace within and love yourself, you must ask God or your higher power to help you find a way to release and bless this person, this situation, to heal, to forgive and to let go as best as you can

No one says you have to forgive them -- particularly if this person has never shown repentance or apologized to you.

you cant forgive? dont worry about it. abuse is just that abuse. i was a small child when it happened to me.. then i was taken away and adopted. had a great life BUT i married an abuser. will i ever forgive him? hell no. i am no longer with him and found agreat guy.. but do not beat yourself up. feel as you feel

Don't focus on forgiving, focus on yourself and on healing. Part of healing is going to be anger, that's completely normal. If you forgive them at some point, that's all fine and dandy, but it's certainly not a requirement and putting pressure on yourself to do it is apt to just make you feel upset or more angry.

You don't have to forgive them.

Forgiving anyone who did such a thing would be hard for anyone. You are justified in what you are feeling and have some peace of mind and soul knowing that the pervert who hurt you will have to face the ultimate judge some day. Move on with your life and be sure that what that sicko did to you doesnot ruin you forever.

Bad Childhood--Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood Dr. Laura Schlessinger http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life/Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780641893902/?itm=9 Stop Whining, Start Living Dr. Laura Schlessinger http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Stop-Whining-Start-Living/Dr-Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060838331/?itm=2

Just try to think about something else. I know how you feel totally.

Why do you have to forgive them? Plain and Simple. You don't, and may they Rot in Hell.

dont ever forgive them