In my nannying experience it worked best to just have consequences for misbehavior that were paired with helping the child understand why the behavior was unfavorable. Some people forget to help them learn why things are the way they are. I never spanked, ever. Never had to. Example: When dining out at a restaraunt and the kids are acting fussy and misbehaving. i would say that we would have to step out of the restaraunt until they stopped the fussing and were ready to act civilized with manners. They never wanted to go outside even if the dinner was boring, because I made it sound like the less favorable option. I made going to dinner a special privelage that they had to earn in a sense, instead of just forcing them to behave for the sake of having my way. This gave them a choice in their behavior and helped them feel empowered over their lives. They also got to see that they had to behve a certain way to be able to go to a restaraunt and set the tone for the next dinner. Sometimes it's these small things that lead to self awareness in kids that can really matter. I know it's a small example but each situation and child is so different I would need a senario to give you a better answer for. It's also helpful not to deal with the dicepline while you are angry at the child. If you are angry, back off and take a min then deal with the discipline when you are calm. If you act out when you're angry it can get sloppy and cause more emotional damage to the child than necissisary.

I keep it simply, and adjust my punishments based on the wrong deed committed.