My father is a very strange man. One day we were sitting at the dinner table as a family (not a very common thing for us, but it was fun) and my dad was telling all sorts of funny jokes. When I say funny, what I really mean is ridiculous. Above all his favorite joke is a good pun. After a while of these horrible joke as my mother calls them, she told my father in lovingly encouraging tones "Honey, you are a moron". My father looked at her, paused, and then smiles and replied "Better more on (moron) than more off." My mother then hung her head to cover her laughter and we all had a good time. Hahaha. Maybe not the funniest of all stories, but at least its true. Makes me smile.

My granddaughter was asking me about what it was like back in the day. So I told her how we only had 3 channels on tv. That I could remember when we didn't have tv, nor fast food places. she looked at me and said ; gee you really are old! lol

I am doing a temp job in an assisted living home. A dear lady with some form of dementia was having a bad day (I know, it doesn't start happy). She had lost her dentures and was very confused when we played our game--she kept trying to read the "instructions" on the inflatable beach ball. She tried to get out, and when she couldn't, she asked me to unlock the doors (I really can't, which was convenient). We made it back to the living room and started watching Animal Planet. She got really into "Growing up Tiger" then "Growing up Penguin." During one of the commercial breaks, she got into my bag and pulled out all of my crochet projects, and felt all the yarn. Then she found my hat. Knit outside, really soft fleece inside. She held it, turned it over and over, smelled it, rubbed it on her cheek, and got really excited and happy about it. It was really precious, and made me feel good that an article of my clothing can bring almost as much joy as a baby penguin--nothing's gonna beat those little tigers, though. And she's still got my hat, two days later!

I was picking up the kids from the bus, my daughter who was 6 at the time, fell asleep on the bus. They woke her up when it was time to get off but she was still a little groggy. She was walking to the vehicle with her head down and *SMACK* she walked right into the back of the van! I still remember the loud thud sound when she hit, makes me laugh so hard every time I think of it. She gets so mad at me.

Another funny one...my husband always drug around his canoe in the back of his truck. It stuck out like 10 feet. Anyways, we were having a campfire one night in my yard, roasting marshmallows and that. My little sister had to use the bathroom so she was running through the dark up to the house. All of a sudden we heard what sounded like someone had crushed a pop can followed by a few choice words. We were thinking 'what the heck was that' when the canoe instantly popped into my head. Here my poor little sister had ran right into the canoe at full force.

well this morning my s/o other was gargling with mouthwash and he sneezed...the mouthwash came up his throat...and out his nose, burning his eyes and all of it hit the mirror over the bathroom sink.....somehow it then deflected off the bathroom mirror and hit the ceiling and fell back and was running down his naked back...I couldn't believe it...I guess you kinda had to be there:)

The Perfect High - a poem by Shel Silverstein There once was a boy named Gimme-Some-Roy... He was nothin' like me or you, 'cause laying back and getting high was all he cared to do. As a kid, he sat in the cellar...sniffing airplane glue. And then he smoked banana peels, when that was the thing to do. He tried aspirin in Coca-Cola, he breathed helium on the sly, and his life became an endless search to find the perfect high. But grass just made him wanna lay back and eat chocolate-chip pizza all night, and the great things he wrote when he was stoned looked like shit in the morning light. Speed made him wanna rap all day, reds laid him too far back, Cocaine-Rose was sweet to his nose, but the price nearly broke his back. He tried PCP, he tried THC, but they never quite did the trick. Poppers nearly blew his heart, mushrooms made him sick. Acid made him see the light, but he couldn't remember it long. Hash was a little too weak, and smack was a lot too strong. Quaaludes made him stumble, booze just made him cry. Then he heard of a cat named Baba Fats who knew of the perfect high. Now, Baba Fats was a hermit cat...lived high up in Nepal, High on a craggy mountain top, up a sheer and icy wall. "Well, hell!" says Roy, "I'm a healthy boy, and I'll crawl or climb or fly, Till I find that guru who'll give me the clue as to what's the perfect high." So out and off goes Gimme-Some-Roy, to the land that knows no time, Up a trail no man could conquer, to a cliff no man could climb. For fourteen years he climbed that cliff...back down again he'd slide . . . He'd sit and cry, then climb some more, pursuing the perfect high. Grinding his teeth, coughing blood, aching and shaking and weak, Starving and sore, bleeding and tore, he reaches the mountain peak. And his eyes blink red like a snow-blind wolf, and he snarls the snarl of a rat, As there in repose, and wearing no clothes, sits the god-like Baba Fats. "What's happenin', Fats?" says Roy with joy, "I've come to state my biz . . . I hear you're hip to the perfect trip... Please tell me what it is. "For you can see," says Roy to he, "I'm about to die, So for my last ride, tell me, how can I achieve the perfect high?" "Well, dog my cats!" says Baba Fats. "Another burned out soul, Who's lookin' for an alchemist to turn his trip to gold. It isn't in a dealer's stash, or on a druggist's shelf... Son, if you would find the perfect high, find it in yourself." "Why, you jive mother-fucker!" says Roy, "I climbed through rain and sleet, I froze three fingers off my hands, and four toes off my feet! I braved the lair of the polar bear, I've tasted the maggot's kiss. Now, you tell me the high is in myself? What kinda shit is this? My ears, before they froze off," says Roy, "had heard all kinda crap; But I didn't climb for fourteen years to hear your sophomore rap. And I didn't climb up here to hear that the high is on the natch, So you tell me where the real stuff is, or I'll kill your guru ass!" "Okay...okay," says Baba Fats, "You're forcin' it outta me... There is a land beyond the sun that's known as Zabolee. A wretched land of stone and sand, where snakes and buzzards scream, And in this devil's garden blooms the mystic Tzutzu tree. Now, once every ten years it blooms one flower, as white as the Key West sky, And he who eats of the Tzutzu flower shall know the perfect high. For the rush comes on like a tidal wave...hits like the blazin' sun. And the high? It lasts forever, and the down don't never come. But, Zabolee Land is ruled by a giant, who stands twelve cubits high, And with eyes of red in his hundred heads, he awaits the passer-by. And you must slay the red-eyed giant, and swim the river of slime, Where the mucous beasts await to feast on those who journey by. And if you slay the giant and beasts, and swim the slimy sea, There's a blood-drinking witch who sharpens her teeth as she guards the Tzutzu tree." "Well, to hell with your witches and giants," says Roy, "To hell with the beasts of the sea-- Why, as long as the Tzutzu flower still blooms, hope still blooms for me." And with tears of joy in his sun-blind eyes, he slips the guru a five, And crawls back down the mountainside, pursuing the perfect high. "Well, that is that," says Baba Fats, sitting back down on his stone, Facing another thousand years of talking to God, alone. "Yes, Lord, it's always the same...old men or bright-eyed youth... It's always easier to sell 'em some shit than it is to give them the truth."

Well, I saw a what I thought was a stupid question, gave a stupid answer, and it all started. I am now back after almost a week. It was like a high school breakup. I wish I never met her...

Ok, The power went out while I was running down the stairs and then I had a few casts here and there.

See my answer at http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2516251 (If you don't laugh, there's no hope.)

well, my brother had just came inside from playing baseball and his feet were wet and when he walked in he shut the door and them fell flat on his face!! it was priceless!

B told me that one time she and her friend were at the beach, and came across one of those jelly things (not a jellyfish - more like a jelly blob) B picked it up and decided to chuck it at her friend - unfortunately for her friend the jelly blob ended up going down her one piece costume! They ended up running to the change rooms to get it out - but by that time it had melted out already - in all its seedy glory LOL! Good times... :) ~ F.S ~