I just found my boyfriend smoking marijuana,he is 30 years old,I want him to stop,but just telling maturer people to stop doing is not realistic,
Any ideas on what i can say or do to get him to think about what he's doing?what would have worked for you?

I think you may be being a bit immature about this issue. I have never known anyone who was anything but happy on grass....and it is a great sex enhancer. that grass is illegal is preposterous. It does NOT lead to other drugs, is non addictive, certainly a lot safer than alcohol...big deal.

You have all got to be kidding me! Is this a website for pot heads? I have been with a man for 12 years that smokes pot 3-4 times a day. I met him when he was 25 yrs old and have watched him grow. Trust me when I say this: POT HEADS HAVE NO MOTIVATION AND HE WILL NEVER MOVE UP THE COMPANY LADDER AT HIS JOB, EVER!

THERE IS SUCH THING AS POT ADDICTION! If there wasnt why cant he stop for one day???

GET OUT NOW, unless yu want to be with a looser who doesnt care about your feelings or what you want.

I smoked weed up until my late 40's. I finally just got tired of it and quit. I dont think you can just say to a person you need to quit and think that they will do it. Smoking weed is not like smoking tobacco. The desires are different. I quit smoking tobacco because I didnt want cancer, I quit smoking weed because I got tired of looking for it, paying for it, and acting goofy when I was on it. Just let him smoke it if he wants to. If he is abusive when high, leave him.

Why are you bothered? its not a particularly harmful drug [if smoked occasionally] and it doesnt have any major effects.

If his smoking pot bothers you and you've asked him to quit and he won't, leave him. He's never going to quit and he'll pull you down into that life with him. Move on. There is nothing we've tried to tell our sons that has made them decide to quit.

how long have you been with him before you found out? I mean you liked him before you found out, and he was smoking at the time, so it's really not a problem in the relationship, is it?

he's a grown man, let him smoke. to break up with him because of it is stupid, and maybe he deserves someone who can respect his decision to smoke. Smoking pot does not make someone a bad person.

There's nothing wrong with smoking pot. The laws against it are what's wrong.

There's nothing wrong with smoking pot. I'm 52 and I still smoke occasionally. If you only just noticed, what's the problem? My advice is to dump that guy, because he doesn't need your nagging.

And to LYSSIJED, at my age, people I know who smoke pot are usually in business for themselves and making plenty of money. It's true, they aren't into that company ladder stuff, but that's probably because they are already at the top.

So my boyfriend smokes pot.I knew from day one. After being with him for three months, I walked out because pot and falling for a pothead was not my thing. I tried it with him to see his world,but still, not my thing. So he quit b/c of me walking out. A year and half later he started again. His comment was to love him for who he is. Well hell I love the guy so naturally I m with him. It is almost three years now and I still love him and accept him for who he is, but I am torn between two worlds. I know how hard it is for you. It is for me, he doesn't smoke around me, but still its this wall built between us. If I could go back I wish I never would of fallen for him. It makes things ten times harder to leave and do what you know is right for yourself. I am not saying pot is bad, but its not for everyone. Just as he needs to be true to himself so do you. Do the right thing you don't want to end up 3 months pregnant with him smoking a joint b/c then your stuck with him for the rest of your life. Think of what best for you and your kids.

if he is smoking weed without you then perhaps there is something missing in this relationship that needs to be worked on, as he is gettin pleasure from other means. why not introduce him to badminton

Well, is this the first time he has done it ever? Then it might be a phase, or something he just wanted to try in his life. If it becomes a problme for you, then approach it. If not, it might have been a one time deal and you might not have anything to worry about!

How bout telling him you dont like it and if he's gonna keep it up you can't be with him?

To all the people defending the pot smoking.....your ridiculous.....I am with someone who started smoking pot (he smoked it when he was younger but bnot when I met him) and he was a wonderful, active, interesting energetic person....he started smoking pot again and now he refuses to do anything with me because he goes with his buddies 5 nights a week to smoke pot in the woods....he is 32 years old....I am nio a relationship but its like I am not because I dont have a partner to share life iwth because he will not go camping with me anymore, he will not go hiking, he does not want to try new and exciting things, he jsut wants to sit around and watch TV and sleep until late afternoon......so there is proof of the very very negative affects of pot......I am alone, I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I long to have a partner who will live life to the fullest with me and he tricked me into this relationship knowing he would start smoking pot again....he refuses to quit and says that I am insane when I try to talk to him about how I have to listen to all the other hapopy, loving couples going away on vacation, going camping for the weekend and living life while I sit in the house staring at teh ceiling by myself watching him be a lazy bum who has no interest in life...I already have plans in the works to leave this person becuase I gave him enough chances to be the person he was when I met him but he refuses and says I am the one who is crazy.....so now tell all these people who have similar stories to tell that pot is ok....

smoke pot with him

Does he ask you to change a big part of your life?
If you ask him to change this habit, it might blow back up in your face, my advice... Take a toke.

Give him an ultimatum. Its something I don't think I could deal with, because it is a crime, and similar to the fact I wouldn't want to date an alcoholic, I wouldn't want to date a pot head.

the thing is YOU want him to quit, he doesnt. you cannot make someone do something against their will. besides, theres worse things he could be doing

The reason I gave it up was because I had children and I had seen the repercussions for my own dealer when he got caught. He was caught with little more then what I had had in my own home on occasion and had everything he owned seized. Basically, everything that he couldn't prove wasn't bought with drug money was taken away from him. I wouldn't risk that with my own family.

Truthfully, that would be a deal breaker for me. I'd tell him me or the weed once, and I'd be gone. I lived with it for too long as a kid and I'm not EVER going back to that life.

He's not going to quit. If you don't like it, you need to move on.

Ultimatums work for me.You'll have to stand by your word,even if you don't get the results you expected.

Ok, the reason finding out your 30 year old bf is smoking pot is depressing is two-pronged:

1. Society-influenced perception of pot
-Pot smokers are viewed as being lazy lawbreakers, which is not true, most of the time. Also, your peers may look down on your partner as being something of a loser (I mean, who really smokes pot past high school and college?) Whatever your view, pot is illegal according to federal and most state laws. This makes having a pot-smoking partner a liability. If they're caught with pot, where does that put you? Probably having to bail them out of jail, or at the very least hear them bitch about their possession ticket.

2. It feels weird to be with someone under the influence
-Just like we don't want to be around someone who is drunk all the time, we don't want to be around someone who is under the influence of a psychoactive drug. It feels like somewhat of a rip-off. Yes, we can hang out but, No I won't be completely myself.

So, I think your point is valid. Pot is a drug and it affects our perspective. If that's not something you feel comfortable with, know that you are valid in your concerns and you should be able to bring them up to your person without fearing that they'll flip out. But, at the same time, you should bring it up with tact. Smoking pot isn't the worst thing your person could be doing, after all.

First of all, why is it unrealistic to express concerns to someone with whom you're in a relationship? If he doesn't respect your concerns, you shouldn't be with him.

Secondly, do you know why it bothers you? Or, do you just know that "smoking pot is bad"? Honestly, he will probably just act silly and end up sitting on the couch watching TV for hours while he's high. You may have some pretty interesting conversations with him, or he may just become boring. It's safe to assume that he won't become abusive, angry, or anything like that.

If you don't want him doing it, just discuss it with him and see what happens.

Yea, dont tell him what to do, if you do that your like the government.
maybe you should spark up with him and you wouln't be so uptight and die via internal bleeding from all the stress you get about meaningless things you find wrong w/ your bf's. stop being so picky, if you love the guy then wtf does it matter if he enjoys a doob? stop being such a slave to american anti-marijuana propaganda.

I'm in the same boat. In the beginning of our relationship he hid from me how much he really smokes. He smokes daily! He spent $150 on some "crunch berry" pot once! Then, turns around one day and complains that on his credit card he spent almost $200 at our favorite place to eat! I told him " but spending $150 on weed is a wiser purchase." He said that wasn't so and that he didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. (rolling eyes)
I would never tell him to quite. I knew he smoked when I got with him. I'm the one who should have known better to be with a person who does drugs. I thought he didn't smoke much, and that's what he wanted me to think. Plus, he is closed off most of the time and doesn't open up, talk much, and isn't really affectionate. Is it the pot? Maybe. He says it isn't the pot and that he has always been that way. (rolling eyes) Sometimes if he doesn't smoke for a while he gets moody and depressed. Here is something I read from another site that helped me:

Telling your boyfriend It's either me or the weed is emotionally blackmailing him in your attempts to control his behavior. He's a grown man and you're a grown woman. You don't like people who smoke marijuana but he's a person who smokes marijuana. You can't have it both ways. The mature perspective is that your life is your responsibility, and your boyfriend's is his. Are you willing either to accept him as he is and stop trying to make him into somebody he's not, or decide you'd rather be with someone who sees things the same way you do? (this is what I think is best for me)

To do anything less would be acting disrespectfully towards yourself and any partner. You're obviously caring and no doubt have many other good qualities. People who use emotional blackmail to control others may get what they want in the short term but over time they're likely to end up in lonely, loveless marriages and I'm sure you deserve happiness.


:)

Let him be free in what he wishes to do. If he is destroying the relationship- then there should be no reason to stay with him. But, if the relationship was just fine until you found out he smokes, then just go back to how it was when you had no idea he smoked. There is nothing morally detrimental in smoking pot. Maybe tell him to pick up another mind altering substance, such as alcohol. But, that is a much more dangerous drug than marijuana. You may want to be thankful he chose something mellow and less harmful.

i do not have an answer but i am a smoker and i do not smoke all the time i also get tired of it and only do it if i were stress out or needed to escape ..try tofind out the reason why he might smoke ..try not to come against but to support ..then you can support him in not reliying on it

I know EXACTLY how you feel.. although im not married, i have been with the same guy for about 2 years now, and i didnt know he smoked pot until 16 months into the relationship. I asked him to quit, but he says that he is or is going to, but i dont believe him. He lies all the time about stupid things, and his reasoning behind it is always the same " I didnt tell you because it would hurt you. " Well I honestly wish, i never would have dated him. He is a low life loser, who smokes weed about everyday. And he dropped out of high school so he could "sleep in" and smoke weed. He isnt going anywhere in his life, and i feel like if i dont get out that im going to be sinking down just like him, and i love him i really do, its just i know im better than this, and i think you are too!!

well Iv been with my boyfriend for 11 month's now i love him so much but im stuck i can't leave him cause he said he would kill himself and iv tried to get him to quit but he can't do it i mean when his parent's caught him he completely stoped but then started again i don't like it but now and again he'd tell me that i have to look past it i warned him about why i didnt like it but he's hard headed and won't listen to anything i say i should have dumped him before because when he smokes he gets delusional and spits lies that are so obvious and he's cheated on me before and yea he was high those 2 times and he completely lied throughout this entire relationship he lied about buying me a diamond ring also he droped it while he was high it broke and i found out he lied and it was quarts he doesn't have tht much money so im guessing he lied about another thing he said he got me but anyway don't end up like me i can't leave him but sometimes he just makes me break down and cry im sometimes always depressed thanks to him and im only 17....you can try but guys that smoke won't quit unless they want to or something happens.....