Situation: Two people, very close friends for almost 20 years, have a huge fight and don't speak for 10. One finds out she has a year to live. Should she tell the other person or just let it go?
by 
Jodie44
ANSWERS: 17
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I feel she should tell the other. No point in holding grudges for someone you've known for so long.
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Tell the other. Imagine the devastation of person A if Person A didn't know and then a year later just saw the obituary of Person B. That way, at least Person A would know. If Person A doesn't care, then Person B can just know that Person A no longer cares at all.
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Oh tell the other. I've found myself in a similar situation. I found out someone was dying. I hadn't seen for many years for various reasons and it gave me my opportunity to make my peace. It was good for both of us. A huge fight is often regretted at leisure, sometimes it isn't though and I do recognise that. I can only advise you from my own perspective.
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I think she should tell the other person and make amends, forgiveness is divine.
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Make Amends to each other - Or you will be sad forever - Doesn't matter who takes the first step - If you miss that friend tell them
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Life is so short. I can't imagine that this illness wouldn't put things into the proper perspecive. Make amends. Love each other. Laugh with each other. Cry together. Until that dying day. (BTW, wonderful question Jodie.)
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I think it would be kind of you to let the other person know. Then they would have the choice of wether they wanted to meet you at least half way to 'make peace' or not.
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I think it would be nice of her to let the other person know. I know that it is harder for someone to let a person go if they were having problems before he/she died!
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It's now or never. What would the friend dying have to lose if she told the other person?
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Trying to put myself in the exact situation, friends I had for many years earlier in my life and now are irrelevant I would not contact about anything. If I had not spoken to someone for 10 years, it would mean nothing to me to contact them now. For the other person, if they hadn't talked to you in 10 years, they probably wouldn't find your death relevant either. I would not bother with it, and worry about the people who ARE close to you now instead of wasting time with unimportant people.
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Yes, she should tell the other person. If nothing comes of it then fine, but at there will be no regrets.
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Speaking from experience.. that was 10 too long. My best friend and I have been best friends for 17 yrs and we went a year and a 1/2 without talking due to hurt and anger over a situation. Pride fueled the gap and pride gets you no where. The moment I went to her house and she answered the door (this was many years ago).. it took probably two seconds before we were in each other's arms. If something had happened and she had not told me.. the guilt would have damaged me forever and I have wide shoulders but not that wide. I would tell and I would hope to be told of something like that. People make mistakes.. the biggest is not bending even when hurt. Bend. Forgiveness is a very precious gift that benefits everyone involved. I wish the people involved the best of luck and love.
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i think if she has thought about telling the other friend she already knows the answer. (which is that she should call her) because in a case like that, where you only have so much time, if someone rises in your consciousness as someone to say goodbye to then i think that means they are important to you, even if there had been a fight and a seperation, there are essential parts about people that remain the same. and even if the friend isnt a part of her life now, she was a part of her life as a whole.
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Call her, write her. One of my very best friends in another State I had lost touch with found me and sent me a letter telling me she had 6 months. I flew back to see her and spent several days visiting. She passed a couple of months later, two days after we spoke on the phone for the last time. I am so grateful for the last moments we spent together, rehashing old boyfriends, and great times we had together. We laughed and cried, she planned her funeral what she would wear, holding the little Bible she had as a child, open to her favorite scripture. She taught me a lot about living but she also taught me how to die. She needed someone to talk to about death and the process, most people did not want to hear it much less talk about it. It is something she needed desperately. I am honored to have had such a wonderful friend. P.S. I just remembered something; My friend was so grateful to God for not taking her suddenly and giving her the time she had. Time to put things in order and say her I Love You's and Goodbyes to those who Loved her. I am grateful too.
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Yes, I think they should be told and an honest attempt made to repair the rift.
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Yes, she should tell her friend and start by apologizing even if she doesn't feel at fault it would be very healing for both.It would be the greatest gift she could give to her friend & herself.Imagine the guilt the friend would have to endure upon learning of the death knowing she never reached out to make ammends herself.There is a touching movie on this topic you may enjoy called - Evening- starring: Claire Danes,Meryl Streep,Glenn Close,Vanessa Redgrave,Toni Collette.Excellent movie.
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tell the other person
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