I would advise you to count your blessings that you realize that sex, drugs and alcohol obsessions are a dead end street. Instead of looking at your past dating experience as toxic maybe you could look at it as a great lesson in life. Some people don't realize that life has so much more to offer and are in their 40's and 50's. You probably learned the warning signs of this lifestyle so you know what to watch out for. I was so naive, I love my nieces and nephews and let them bring their friends to my home for dinners, BBQ's and other family gatherings. Unfortunately I found out too late that their friends and my nieces and nephews were into a drug culture that they would never escape. 10 years ago my nephew who had turned his life around after a few years messing with drugs got a ride home. The driver was on meth. The driver rolled the car and my nephew was ejected. The car landed on his head. Fortunately he died instantly. His little sisters and brother kept taking drugs. They were encouraged by their mother who had the money to support her habit and theirs. My niece became a dealer and continued with her addiction. Eventually she died of an accidental overdose which was administered to her by some of her drug "friends", she left a 2 year old daughter. Her younger sister has almost died a couple of times. I signed the papers to have her commited. She continued to do drugs. She had a baby. She continued to do drugs. She also shoplifts and I don't know whatelse. She is in rehab, if she messes up again it's Prison. She will lose her baby and spend a good part of her 20's in Prison. Remember every warning sign that you learned from your previous experience. Never compromise your ideals. Don't let peer pressure screw up your life. You are the one who will have to live with the outcome, not your peers. Sometimes writing what you feel as you recall the time you spent with that person works wonders. Please always remember how lucky you are that you chose not to pick that life style and that you can see that it is a horrible way to live.