To be honest, that would bother me more than just a fling, even though neither of them is acceptable or appropriate. Knowing he has feelings for someone else, besides you, is probably the most difficult. I would say to talk to him ASAP, he has to let this go, or it will ruin your marriage. The decision is his, but you have to find a way to either accept it, ignore it, or face it head on, and remember HE is the one putting your marriage on the line. But obviously something has to change and quick

if i were in your situation, i would seek counseling. emotional infidelity is the precursor (in most cases) to sexual infidelity. but the fact that he stayed shows that he is willing to push though the problem. what *should* happen, however, is counseling, and lots of it. he needs to admit his wrong, but truthfully, you probably have areas that need work as well. it's not just his fault, in fact, throwing blame around is counterproductive, kwim? you two need to take as many necessary steps to make your marriage into what it used to be.. including rearranging schedules, if necessary, to be able to spend time with each other. men are in just as much need of emotional intimacy as women are, and if they don't find it at home, sometimes they'll stumble into it elsewhere and be sucked in. it's not usually a deliberate thing, and most of us end up in emotional 'affairs' before we realize what happened. your husband also needs to realize that talking about the past helps us learn and face the future. it's not helpful to just simply cut off an illicit relationship.. one has to know why he got into that relationship in the first place and you need to know what you need to do to change and prevent another occurence of the same. hope this helps. there is still hope for your marriage, and i wish you the best and many happy years together.

oh, and he has to understand that the lying has. to. stop.

I've been there (and may still be there), so I know exactly how you are feeling. I have known for about 4 years, and he doesn't want to talk about it either. My husband still works with the other "woman" so it makes it hard to move on...We had an awesome life b4 this, too and all our friends thought we were the perfect couple. I'm glad that our 2 teenagers hasn't found out. I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because I don't want anyone to think badly of him or me. He doesn't seem to think it's an "affair" because the relationship was never physical, which makes it all the more frustrating!

I wouldn't rest until we had talked and talked. Even with a r/ship counsellor to get to the truth of why it happened. eg What part of himself could he 'be' in this affair, that he didn't think he express otherwise?

obviously your marriage wasnt perfect before the affair. not your fault, but i"m just saying you seem very determined to make the point that "everything was fine". turn the question back to yourself: are YOU satisfied with your marriage? if your husband is having an emotional affair, how can you be content with the relationship? stop thinking about him and his happiness, and focus on your own needs.