I am extremely pale-skinned and the scars are white so I have never thought they were very noticeable. I don't self harm anymore, and haven't done since I was in my teens. However, it is a part of my past and I have never tried to cover the scars, even though I don't think they are very noticeable. My current boyfriend is an psychiatric nurse. Recently he asked me to go to a party where I would meet a lot of people he works with. He has asked me to cover my arms. Now since the scars are so old and faded, I haven't thought about them in years (burns show a lot less than cuts). I was upset with him for asking me to cover them. What he said was that his colleagues would judge me for once having self harmed, and think less of me for it. He said they see 'them' and 'us' and it would make them label me as 'troubled' and therefore not as good as them. He also admitted that he felt that they would judge him for dating me that they would think "self harmer dating psychiatric nurse" and make jusgements about him and about our relationship. Do you think he is right? Or was I right to be upset? I have never been ashamed of my past or tried to hide it. I had problems in my teens and suffer occasionally with depression. It is a part of who I am and I didn't see why I should hide it. I never thought people would be judging me for it so many years later.

I think you were 100 percent right not to want to cover them up. It's part of who you are. As I'm writing this I realized I need to think on this some more. Your question really makes me stop and think about a lot of different issues. The simplest issue is I despise people who judge other people. If I haven't "walked a mile in their shoes" I have no reason to judge them. (It proably is a good idea I stopped here.)

You're more than welcome. I had an interesting experience this weekend. I was thinking over your question, and I still think you were 100 percent right. You had some issues, you've dealt with them and you have moved on. I think anyone who lives life to the fullest runs into issues that they have to deal with. Is it because to live life to the fullest you have to take chances and some risks aren't going to always go your way? I don't know. Saturday I was running the thought "Why is life so difficult at each stage as anyone grows up" through my head while I was wandering around in Cooperstown. It's a nice little village with alot of little shops, mostly baseball but some other rustic shops, a farmers market, etc. I was in a small shop, thinking about that and I looked up and right at eye level is a card with this quote: There ain't no answer. There ain't going to be an answer. There never was an answer. That is the answer. Gloria Stein That just made me laugh to myself. Why would that card jump out at me at that time? Well anyway, you seem comfortable in your own skin, so just be yourself and don't let others put their insecurities on you. I hope the flooding hasn't affected you and my hopes and prayers go out to all of the UK and Ireland.