ANSWERS: 59
  • 1. You feel that you only deserve abuse. 2. You can think of no other alternatives. 3. The relationship meets some crucial needs. You'd really know more about it than me.
  • Ask my girlfriend
  • It's scary leaving and it's scary staying - You can find resources that can help you just like you found AB - When your ready to - We're here for you to talk to and can help you - You can to contact - 1-800- Abuse - Hot lines
  • I have been in one myself. Do you feel like you can't make it on your own? Is it because even though the person is abusing you, you still love them? There could be several reasons. All I know is that it is not worth your life to stay with this person. I don't want to preach because I know how I felt when people would preach to me . You have to set your mind to it that this person is not good for you. How can they love you if they abuse you? You WILL find someone down the road who will love you and treat you as you should be treated. It may take time, but it will happen. Believe me I've been there
  • Tell me, here to stay, why ARE you in an emotionally abusive relationship? My e-mail address is in my profile if you ever need to talk. Seriously.
  • the stability that you might have created in your head, being in a relationship, no matter how bad, sometime can feel like a security blanket as opposed to being alone, some people become co-dependant on the other. Myself being one of these people at one point in my life. sometimes there's just a sick but common need to feel important and that importance just happens to come from that abusive person...most of the time you can't see it clearly until you are removed from it, and your perception isnt clouded.
  • I feel sad for you just reading this. It often actually stems from your up bringing, some would disagree, but most problems stem from childhood. Why you ask? Because that is all you think you are worth. To be with someone who treats you like shit...like you are nothing to them, they have no care for you, no compassion for you, and absolutely no love for you. Look i was in one myself, it took me a year to get out of. "Jessica you're a spoiled brat, fuck you." My ex boyfriend would go much farther than that, and take me to places i can't even begin to tell you in my mind. I felt betrayed, lost, and most defintely confused. But my confusion was from my uncertanity with who i was. It's tough in life, because you really can't be thrown into the real world until you have the strength to take on all the bad things that come your way. I hope, and am pretty sure when you met this person you didn't plan on them emotionally abusing you...but it ended up that way. You need to understand something, do this for me, though you don't know me, understand that i know exactly the way you feel. I've been right where you are at this very moment, and all the same thoughts. YOU yourself can actually only save you, its the toughest thing but the right thing to do. I can not even start to explain how important it is to get out, before that abuse becomes physical. YOU need to understand the importance of you and your body. Look i can go on and on but at the end of the day its only you realizing that you deserve better and that, theres much more waiting for you right now...at this very moment there could be some great person waited to meet you, but you're too busy being abused...So start, start walking from it, you never have to stay there, you control you.
  • This is something that you need to examine in yourself, and really look at some potentially upsetting aspects of yourself. Unfortunately the only person who knows the real answer is you, but some things to consider: 1. Do you feel like you've invested so much in the relationship, emotionally and otherwise, and you're just not ready to give up on it yet? If this is the case, you are maybe telling yourself "it wasn't always like this, it is used to be good, and maybe if I wait it out it will be good again?" 2. Do you think that this is how a relationship should be? Perhaps you have learned somewhere that relationships are sometimes/often hurtful and you just need to "suck it up". If this is the case, you may think to yourself "Relationships are hard work, I need to just take this crap along with the good stuff" 3. Is your self-worth somehow dependent on being in a relationship? Do you fear being single for some reason, or do you feel somehow less good about yourself/undesirable when you don't have someone to date? i.e. "If I break up with him, I'll never find anyone else who'll want to be with me" These are all common, but this is by no means definitive. Check out the other answers, and then sit down with yourself, alone, with no distractions, and really think hard and explore your emotions; ask yourself what they are, where they may be coming from and why you're reacting that way. If the idea of that is overwhelming or seems impossible, talk to someone, e.g. a counselor, therapist or social worker. These people are trained to help with exactly these types of things. Good luck, and I hope you find the courage to leave. Please remember that not being able to leave does not make you a bad person and it's nothing to be ashamed of; just try to do what's healthiest for you.
  • I think is always hard to leave someone who is emotionally abusing you because they feed on your self teem. They take and take until you begin doubting yourself, who you are, how much you are worth, and how much you matter. Once they get a hold of that it becomes harder and harder for you to leave. I think a lot of the responses stated above are excellent; if leaving is not an option for you, please have an action plan if it becomes physical. Action plan is identifying another place that you could stay, that you could leave important documents, which you could put away some money just in case you have to leave in the middle of the night or abruptly.
  • He took away your will.
  • probably the same reason i stayed. you feel like no one else would want you. after being emotionally abused, all of the things they do and say seem to stick even if you know they're not true. somehow they brainwash you into thinking you are soooo lucky to have them, and you fear that if you don't stay you will wind up alone. the reality is that they are scared of losing you and think that abusing you this way will keep you there. and it works.
  • sometimes by leaving,you may consider yourself a failure.instead you'd rather stay-on and hope that things work out for the best. the truth of the matter is ,the longer you stay-on,the more difficult it is for you to leave.
  • I haven't a clue, there must be some reason though, insecurity, fear, feelings of attachment perhaps.
  • Because on one level or another, something works for you - you are getting something out of it. Otherwise you'd leave.
  • Fear is the #1 reason! Fear of failure, fear that the abuser was right all along and you find out too late you really are a great big loser! Fear of poverty, fear of the consequences of leaving. Leaving often provokes someone who was only verbally abusive to then become physically violent! YUP the answer is definitely FEAR!
  • His words play over and over and over in your mind. Your self-esteem is low due to his belittling and you feel worthless and that no one would want you. Fear of being alone, fear of starting over, and fear of finding out that everything he said was true(even though that is highly unlikely, but you think that)
  • Because you believe he will change or that you can change him. It won't happen.
  • my thought is that you are emotionally dependant to the cycle . he hits you or calls you names then he feels bad and hugs you and babies you and tells you how much he loves you. you beleive him and feel that you can trust him, you feel that it's your fault when it's not. when he has you where he wants you it starts all over aggain. its a vicious cycle its not love
  • I was asking myself the same question until today. After he started yelling at me and when I tried to talk to him he physically pushed me. That is when I knew it was done. Never again -Will I date someone who calls me airhead/stupid/retarded -Will I date someone who calls me b***h, douche, whore, slut, c**t for any reason -Will I date someone who tells me “are you going to change, you just look average compared to when you go out with your friends” -Will I date someone who tells me I gained weight and he is not into fat asses.. (im 5'7, 120..not really that fat..) -Will I date someone who smirks and laughs at me when I start to cry and says “keep crying” - tells me I’m going out to “whore it up” if I want a girls night out -will I date someone who screams at me if I clean something “wrong” -Will I date someone who can look at me and say “there are a million girls out there and you are nothing special”…. Good luck with that - thinks it’s funny to push me jokingly and talks about how he will punch me out - says if I don’t act right he will smack me.. oh but that is just a funny joke though - Never again will I date someone who can say these things and claims to love me - real men do NOT do this stuff ! Never should a girl question that any of these things about her are true or feel that she is the one who is not good enough. Sometimes the hardest thing is letting go of something you thought was real but it has to be done. Never should any guy tell these things to any girlfriend, never should she let him …..and never will he again… I will use this ammunition to grow stronger. My life is waiting.
  • Because you choose to. If you don't know why you choose this, I'd suggest a different choice.
  • I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship on/off for 2 years ~ it was a choice I made and a very bad one at that. he beat down my self esteem so much until I think he convinced me I didn't deserve better treatment. Also, I was afraid of being a single, without a significant other. Fortunately I came to my senses (with the encouragement & support of family/friends)and realized that being with him made me more alone than ever! I was trapped in a sad world I didn't want to be in anymore. I broke it off (we weren't married) and moved on in spite of his attempts to change my mind saying he' "be better this time". Getting out was the best decision I ever made! Being emotionally abused can be as hurtful as being physically abused but in an obviously different way.
  • He probably has you halfway convinced that you don't deserve any better. You better find a way to leave now (and for good). If you don't, eventually he'll have you fully convinced that you don't deserve any better. That's when you'll really be screwed. It's also when things will probably get worse, and, when the physical abuse will start. And then, of course, you know, you might die and all that.
  • Because you're used to it and afraid to take the next step that would initiate change. Fear of the unknown, I'd say.
  • It is a choice! In my case it was probably a little bit of all of the above. Security, I didnt think I could make it on my own, because he told me I couldnt. I didnt want to be a failure in my marriage, my family kept telling me that I need to make it work for the kids. I thought I could help (change) him, he had so many problems, poor him, it was never his fault, all he needs is more love? If I would just do this better, or if I would just do what he wanted everything would be fine. Get out now, it only gets worse. It is scary, but it is soooooo worth it. Tell yourself, you deserve to be treated with respect, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be happy!
  • because your afraid to move on maybe
  • I have been with this man for 22 yrs. He helped me raise 4 children, always worked and was and is faithful. He's a good provider and my children(grown) love him. Other people think that he's the best thing that ever happened for me. He makes me miserable, we live in separate rooms and only talk or interact on weekends to go grocery shopping. We haven't had sex in over 12 years and yet we seem like the perfect couple. I had an affair that lasted over 10 years and the man raped and beat me and I was in the trauma unit because i felt that i had to return home. I really am lost and don't know what to do. Is there anyone else who has experienced this situation or has any suggestions that would help me.
  • stupid?
  • i cant answer that but i can tell you why i did. I was too scared of what he would do if i left him. And he proved me right - 2 yrs after the split i am still scared of him and his father.
  • Don't be afraid to lose the extra baggage (HIM). Nobody should have to live with that. You gotta tell yourself "I can do better" instead of listening to his empty and meaningless words.
  • usually its because the person feels like they deserve the abuse. but trust me you dont deserve it no one does. if someone loves you they would not abuse you or hurt you on purpose.
  • i had been in an emotional abusive relationship for 2 and half years.. u hope that things gonna chnage .no matte how much he hurts u you hold on to him thinkin there is no one else better than him. I didn't know how my life got this screwed up . used to be such a fun person. after couple of months he had his hold on me . calling e names like slut, whore and words i cannot even imagine. threaten to kill me when we used to have arguments everytime.. this abuse was too much that i cou;dn't take it anymore and i told myself what the hell ... i don't deserve this... i'm better than this.. he says he'd kill me let him.. no matter what he says .. i'm not gonna be with him... it was hard to do but please take a stand . he'll try to be extra nice to u sayin he can't live without you or have realised he has made a terrible mistake.. don't listen.. U've probally heard that many times before. Just ignore what he says completely . You have other ppl around you who love you... take their help to get through this.. it's worth it...
  • maybe you have been influenced so deeply by the abuser that you lack the courage to step out of it.. If you want to know more about it.. http://home-family.top54u.com/post/Why-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships.aspx hope this might be helpful for better understanding
  • I was in a mostly verbally abusive relationship. When I became pregnant I asked myself 'Do I want to live like this for the rest of my life?' Of course the answer was NO so I left and made a better life for myself and my child. Any person on this planet who is capable of speech and tell you they love you. When someone really loves you, they will show you.
  • I hope you can answer this question yourself one day very soon, but for me, being in an abusive relationship at one point, there are many different reasons, mind you, all of these reasons were not justified by staying in the relationship. You have had to of had better realtionships in the past, or at least have seen a healthy relationship at some point in your life. What you really need to ask yourself is, "Is me being in this relaionship worth the damage I am going to have to repair within myself?" Another question to consider is "Am I missing out on really being loved and finding Mr. Right by being with Mr. wrong?" If you realize that the relationship is indeed abusive the next step is to realize that it is not worth your time and to leave in hopes of healing and once again realizing your self-worth. You will once again find out just how amazing you are and that you have one person and one person only in this world to answer to; that is you. Life is too short to be unhappy and I'm sure you have some good times with this person, however people who physically and mentally abuse others are tortured themselves and in order for the abuse to ever cease, they must deal with themselves first. Do NOT think that they will just get over it by being with you, or because they see your pain, they will not, truth is that they can not see past their own. So now is the time for you to take whatever dignigty you have left and walk out, knowing that with time all wounds are healed and life will go on and be much better without that person in your life.
  • It sounds like you are codependent...Here's a small sample of what Im talking about: A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship. It is not healthy for you to be in this situation. Get out and get some help with this.
  • Probably because you were raised with that particular mindset and your expectations of other people (and love) is unrealistic as a result in that people who accept abuse are often in denial of the fact that some people generally dont want to change and no matter what you do, you cant make them love you, in order to replace the lost love denied you by the first person in your young like that made you feel unworthy as compensation for the fact that they were actually crap! Or you could be a masochist or a sadist or something? Or a mom with kids that doesn't want to up root them, or you could just be afraid of your partner? I don't know for sure as I don't know you personally
  • You may still have feelings to him. It would hurt for a few weeks but then you'll be fine. You may think that life could be worse without him. In fact, find a job working hard will make you feel much much better than staying in an abusive relationship. You may expect him "chance". The reality is, one one can change others. We can only chance ourselves. For example, be a new person, choose a partner, start a new life. You may owe him in your past life (if you believe in Karma). You have to suffer until you paid off your debt. He would leave you by that time. You can pay him off quicker by using another "payment methods". The best one I know is to believe in Buddism and start chanting scripture for thousands of times (you need to do some research about it and consult a master). He will still treat you badly for some time. But you'll feel better as you know what's going on.
  • Maybe you're too afraid that if you try to leave, it will become physical.
  • how sad is it that everyone is saying the same thing!.. and reading it hits that pit in your stomach, that says "i knew that..but.."
  • because you think that if you dump him things will just get worse... wrong it will turn out to be the best decision in your life i am sorta feministic and if a guy were to ever tell me to shut up or called me a b**** i would not only dump the loser i would make sure that he never got a job or girl in the city i lived in again :D but you should seriously dump the dude if he is hurting you emotionally or physically
  • because you are in love with the IDEA of a relationship. get rid of him, and try to replace that love with a different kind of love. like an activity of some sort. You're not doing yourself any good staying in the relationship.
  • Because you enjoy the attention. ;-) You may as well stay, since statistics clearly indicate that you will merely find another or equal or greater "talents". Try seeking the assistance of clergy or other forms of counseling.
  • Because, dammit, I told you too! Now sit down or I will give you a taste of the back of me hand!
  • You need to answer that for your self,WHY,do I deserve this,No you don't.so you are hearing all kinds of people telling you to just walk away. for you it is not to ease if it was you would not be asking this question, so here we are, a rock and a hard place, this is a very touchy area when you don't try to get family involved. they are going to tell you to leave that person not so easy I have no place to go is what you are telling yourself. but they keep on saying leave leave. and you are saying no place to go, well this is why you are asking this question,these kind of things are very hard for any kind of persons to deal with,and I don't think any professional can give it a good answer, I think you just have to get your own badass attitude and say to your self I have had it up to my ears. and I am not going to go on living in hell any more I am me and you are so you stay here in hell because I am moving to a place where I can be appreciated and loved for what i am a good person.and I just hope you never go through what you have done to me because it would really make you change the way you destroyed our so called loving relationship.then you turn around and be tough and stay away, and never go back, or it will stars all over again.please take this kind of advise very serious,get your self a good person god loves you,
  • Chicken oriental?
  • You know, I am also in an emotionally abusive relationship, and I ask myself everyday or so....how did I get so weak. I dont know why you are still the relationship, but I will tell you this. I broke up with my boyfriend for about 4 months. I found guys that were sincerely interested in me, but I always found a flaw. Now that I am back with my boyfriend, I see I should have stuck it out and kept dating. I am now in a situation where he never has time for me and my son is so attached to him. He has become verbally absuive, and I have retaliated with physical abuse. I feel it getting worse, he is on his way over now for the New Year, but all I can do is cry. I cry because I am sad when he'e here; I feel like he doesnt really wanna be here. I cry when he's not here; becasue he doesnt wanna be here. I let him go and he comes, but it's only good for a little while. I know I am smarter than this, but I am so scared of single parenting again. There has to be a way. If you took the time out to read this, you're a sport ;). And I hope I help you out of your situation. Please pray for us.
  • Because most women don't have the courage or intelligence to get out.
  • Because you have some kind of dependency that has become an addiction.
  • ometimes we want to give the person the benefit of the doubt. That is good if you see change. Emotional abuse is hard on a relationship. Both have to seek change or it wont work. Usually in a relationship both have issues and you get triggered. Triggers come from the past usually. Seek counceling together in order to have a go between it will help you see better. Then you can decide to stay or if you need to go. Hope it all works out for you I can understand your pain. Blessings for you both!
  • Because you are emotionaly addicted to the abuse. You have become an emotional slave to his words. Your probley scared to leave as well. If you have ever seen an elephant in the circus, You will notice that there leg is chained to a small steak in the ground. The elephant has enough power to break the chain and take the stake out if the ground. But because when it tuggs and feels the resistance, it doesnt put up a fight and remains captive. You are strong enough to break the cycle of abuse but because you have a mental chain wrapped around your mind u dont put up a fight, you dont try to better yoursef, you wont try to leave. You have to break the chains. Noone can do it for you. Even when the elephants chains are released they still will not wander because they are chained mentally. Even if you leave your relationship you may still be bound mentally, and it will ultimatly affect your next relationship. So keep your head up and stand tall and proud. You are a beautiful person. If you werent, he would have never wanted to date you in the first place.Cut that zero. You can do better
  • I cannot find the strength to walk away and it is eating away at me as the days turn into weeks and months and now years. It is four years now, and it feels like forty.
  • most people stay because part of the abuse is getting you to think poorly of yourself & that nobody else would ever want you.
  • several reasons maybe: you are scared of being alone. you dont feel strong enough to walk away. you feel its too late to go back please dont stay in an abusive relationship. in a relationship both people are happy right? and are you happy? im sure you are a good woman who deserves to be treated with respect. you will find someone who will love you the way you want to love them good luck, be strong xx
  • A couple of reasons; your addicted to the ups and downs of being with an abusive person. It is also like being paralyzed. Or stuck. Things can change though. The key is...you have to be willing to walk away and never, ever look back. If and when you can do this you are ready to leave. The truth is....that it won't be easy. You will have to tell yourself you are doing the right thing for you. You will have to do this every single day until you convince yourself. Cut off all contact from your abuser. Or move if possible. If you can afford counseling....go, because you need emotional support. It does get better though, by degrees. I was in an abusive relationship for "years". He actually left me. But eventually he wanted me back. I never went back to him though. I would rather be dead.
  • There's no good reason. I learned the hard way. My wife was emotionally abusive, constantly nagging and criticizing. Finally, she hit me and that was it. Divorce will be final in a few days. Now, she's living like a pauper. Serves her right.
  • BECAUSE YOU FEEL NEEDED
  • i am staying because at this point i cant really do any better financial wise as well i have a 4yr old daughter who adores her father very much i often feel like if i make a move i will break her heart an i don't wanna do that i often tell myself i will leave when i can really support my daughter an myself but at times i feel like i cant take it anymore an then i would say hang on just a little again i have left a few times but ended back right here again because of no support from my family..i often feel alone because i dont have any friends to talk to i cry myself to sleep at nights hoping an praying that one day i will find a way out of this relationship..
  • You believe that it will get better.

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