In your opinion, what constitutes child abuse? Do you believe in discipline or not?

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• There is spanking that is meant as an exclamation point, and then there is spanking that is meant to inflict pain.+

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  by JimmyG on October 30th, 2009

• You are exactly right... If there are bruises from him/her hitting the child that is what is considered "Child Abuse"

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  by Anonymous on October 30th, 2009

• What about non-bruise marks? Do those count in your definition?

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  by No longer on answerbag on December 31st, 2009

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• I just read a thread about cases where people were spanked by their friend's mom. After reading that I was saddened by how cruel so many women can be. We are not talking about a quick sharp slap here, we are talking about protracted spanking sessions with hands, hairbrushes, belts and humiliation thrown in.
  
  This is absolutely child abuse and it saddens me that so many get away with it.
  
  I wanted to find you gm, to share this with you because I know that you'll understand, I feel quite disturbed after reading the thread, it was like looking at a car crash, you don't want to look but you just want to know what happened.
  
  http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/665226#ans10915783
  
  I would actually appreciate your words of wisdom after this, as the number of cruel and sadistic women on this page left me feeling quite gob smacked - I can't think of a better way to put it - and this would just be a small sample of this kind of thing going on.

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  by Unicorn Man on July 1st, 2011

• I read the link, I am torn between how many are real experiences and how many are peoples fantasies. There are a remarkable number of people with this fantasy and I can't help wondering if it comes from the kind of things they went through as children.
  My parents were very strict and quick to lash out. My father used his belt and my mother whatever came to hand. There is a lot of my childhood that I have no memory of as I have blocked it out.
  I could never imagine inflicting that kind of thing onto my child. I suppose as long as people continue to think of children as their possessions and not human being sin their own right, this sort of thing will continue to happen.

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  by Gingerminx on July 1st, 2011

• Thanks for you thoughtful comments, gm - I didn't know that you'd suffered this kind of abuse yourself, and it certainly makes me understand where you're coming from a lot better. After reading that thread and similar ones, I really am starting to come over to your side. I think it is sad when both parents will do that to you - the ones who are supposed to love, care and nurture you.
  
  It is my belief that you have come out the good person that you are despite what you went through and certainly not because of it.
  
  Finally, it may not be my place to say this, and I say it with love and good intentions - this kind of thing can leave mental and spiritual (IYKWIM) scarring, and (although I may be preaching to the converted) it can be really helpful to get professional help like counseling to help deal with this.

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  by Unicorn Man on July 1st, 2011

• Thanks for you thoughtful comments, gm - I didn't know that you'd suffered this kind of abuse yourself, and it certainly makes me understand where you're coming from a lot better. After reading that thread and similar ones, I really am starting to come over to your side. I think it is sad when both parents will do that to you - the ones who are supposed to love, care and nurture you.
  
  It is my belief that you have come out the good person that you are despite what you went through and certainly not because of it.
  
  Finally, it may not be my place to say this, and I say it with love and good intentions - this kind of thing can leave mental and spiritual (IYKWIM) scarring, and (although I may be preaching to the converted) it can be really helpful to get professional help like counseling to help deal with this.

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  by Unicorn Man on July 1st, 2011

• Thanks UnicornMan, I have seen people in the past and am currently seeing someone at the moment, its an on going process.

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  by Gingerminx on July 1st, 2011

• It is indeed GM - I thought you might be, after all you are a wise woman. Once again thanks so much for sharing that with me, it has really shown me a new dimension to you, and increased my respect for you.
  
  I suspect you are right too, that a lot of answers from that thread were fantasy. A lot of them did have that look and feel, but I do remember reading somewhere that women in particular do get turned on by spanking people - I can't remember the source though - but it's a dreadful thing when their victims are powerless children.

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  by Unicorn Man on July 2nd, 2011

• Thank you :)
  
  I agree. When done to an adult we call it assault. Well, unless it is within the confines of the bedroom of two consenting adults lol

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  by Gingerminx on July 2nd, 2011

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• My spankings taught me that hitting gets people to do what you want. Thank goodness I learned early how inappropriate hitting was. I hit a boy in elementary school and made him cry. It was the tears, I realized that I caused him pain, just like I felt when I was spanked. Thank goodness for empathy.

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  by SoulFire on October 30th, 2009

• Oh don't get me wrong SoulFire, once I flipped my middle fingers to my sister. I didnt realize my mom was standing behind me when I did that; she did that double slap action with both her hands around the back of my face, which landed both of her palms to my cheeks. She would later explaining why I got popped to the cheeks. I assure you I learned my lesson very quickly.....I equally assure you I never flipped the middle finger to anyone again....would I constitute this as child abuse NO......Rather a lesson learned. To me there is a huge difference between a spanking and what is called Child Abuse. I just never took to hitting I like talking to much, LOL

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  by Eileen on October 30th, 2009

• I wasn't even thinking of the question when I responded. I don't believe spanking is child abuse, I just don't necessarily believe it teaches the right lesson. I think until you become a parent you really can't say to much. I'm not a parent but I do help at a day home a few times a week. We do time outs and talk the the children about why they are being punished. I'm not sure if it gives an immediate response the way spanking may, but I just could never hit a child, spanking or otherwise. I remember to well my spankings and how afraid I was of my parents afterwards. And that I used that method in the playground to get my way. I'd rather lead by positive reinforcement, though sometimes I have a hard time thinking of how to say things in a positive way. One person suggested that instead of saying Do not hit, say We must play nicely so the child will visualize playing nice instead of hitting. But I'm not sure because I would think you would have to tell them what they did wrong.

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  by SoulFire on October 30th, 2009

• Eileen, no offense, but I needed an opinion, not a definition...

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  by BabyRottie on October 31st, 2009

• Not one ounce of offense taken....in my opinion this " physical abuse, neglect, sexual/exploitation and emotional abuse constitutes CHILD ABUSE. As far as disciplining hell yes I believe in disciplining anyone and everyone that does something wrong that could bring harm to others and /or themselves. Remembering of cousre that for every person that has an opinon the way the word "discipline" is read will vary greatly....Me I apt to talk things out, some might like beating the crap out of a person....
  .

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  by Eileen on October 31st, 2009

• Anyway SoulFire it was great chatting with you Darlin....Have a great day :O)

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  by Eileen on October 31st, 2009

• Thank you Eileen!

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  by BabyRottie on October 31st, 2009

• Good chatting with you both. :-)

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  by SoulFire on October 31st, 2009

• I've just been reading a thread on spanking...
  
  http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/665226#ans10915783
  
  ...and after reading it, I concluded that nearly every case on that thread went well beyond discipline and into the realm of abuse, in fact it seemed to me that the creeps doing the spanking - who in the most part carried on the spanking for protracted periods of time, 20 minutes or more and with increasing intensity and choice of implements - were getting a sexual kick out of the power they were wielding. Quite disturbing.

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  by Unicorn Man on July 1st, 2011

• Perhaps a more defined view of the word "discipline" would be needed....In the view of a person who is/was abused the word "discipline" is different from a person who was taught right from wrong in a manner other then the physical kind, see?

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  by Eileen on July 1st, 2011

• Yes, the word "discipline" does have connotations of physical punishments, I wonder if there's another word for discipline without those connotations?

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  by Unicorn Man on July 1st, 2011

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Comments

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• So if a kid picks up something in a grocery store when the parents said not to, and the parent tells them to put it down, they don't, so the parents smacks their bottom, you consider that child abuse? Even if it's not very hard?

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  by BabyRottie on October 31st, 2009

• I do. You can say no without hitting a child. You are teaching them hurting other people is a way to solve differences.

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  by lovestocook on October 31st, 2009

• Interesting... This makes me wonder though, if you were spanked or physically punished as a child... Because I would get smacked on the butt for disobedience, and I do not believe that hurting someone is how you solve differences...

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  by BabyRottie on October 31st, 2009

• I was not hig - my mother pulled hair and yelled a lot.
  I vowed I would never do that to my kids. It was hurtful, and humiliating .
  
  My husband and I brought up a wonderful, empathatic, caring daughter with a strong sense of right and wrong without resorting to hitting or yelling.
  
  Hitting(even a swat on the bum) and yelling to me show that the parent has lost control.

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  by lovestocook on October 31st, 2009

• Interesting, but I suppose it depends on the person. If I were to pick something up in the store when I was told no before, my dad would swat me on the butt hard enough to sting a littler, but it was more the noise that caught my attention. I never thought of it as humiliating or hurtful because I knew I had done something he told me not to do.
  I was sexually abused a young child by a distant relative, and I vowed I would never do that to my children. But the repercussions of dealing with that abuse for 7 years made me a little more tempermental and aggressive.
  I think it depends on how each individual views the world, and past experiences or situations have a huge influence on that!

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  by BabyRottie on November 1st, 2009

• When you hit or yell at your child your are coming from a place of anger. I cannot imagine the pain you went through and applaud that you have come so far.
  
  I have a sister who views her childhood as less than perfect. For some reason, my father did pick on her. She also reacts to life in an aggressive and combative way.

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  by lovestocook on November 1st, 2009

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