by keithold is a prodigal bagger on October 20th, 2009

keithold is a prodigal bagger

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What would you least like to hear an airline captain say on board a flight?

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Answers. 35 helpful answers below.

  • by -NUNYA-- on October 20th, 2009

    -NUNYA--

    There are SO MANY BUTTONS! Wonder what will happen if I push this one? Where is the gas pedal on this thing? +5

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  • by calicorey on October 20th, 2009

    calicorey

    Hey pour me another drink before we take this crate up in the air! Last time we barely landed safely and I need a stiff one to calm my nerves!!!

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  • by EmptyWallet on October 20th, 2009

    EmptyWallet

    "Hey look! A flock of sea---Oh SHIT!!"

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  • by -Icy- on October 20th, 2009

    -Icy-

    does anyone have the flight manuel for this new model.

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  • by weatherman taking week or so off on October 20th, 2009

    weatherman taking week or so off

    HOUSTON - WE HAVE A PROBLEM......

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  • by Mavericks just doin a flyby on October 20th, 2009

    Mavericks just doin a flyby

    Ladies and gentleman pay no attention to the oxygen mask that have just deployed, Go ahead and stick your heads between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

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  • by PrairieWind on October 20th, 2009

    PrairieWind

    Ladies and Gentlemen:
    We will be returning to the Airport straight away.
    Please stay tuned for the reason.

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  • by Shemarq the Wamama on October 20th, 2009

    Shemarq the Wamama

    Something in Arabic (on an American flight).

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  • by 000 on October 20th, 2009

    000

    oh darn - not again.....

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  • by Bluemuun on October 20th, 2009

    Bluemuun

    Is there a pilot on board?

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  • by Gnome of Kevonia is a Cheerwine junkie on October 20th, 2009

    Gnome of Kevonia is a Cheerwine junkie

    I'm jumpin' out!

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  • by philosopher-saint on October 20th, 2009

    philosopher-saint

    "My wife just left me for my brother and I drank way too much cough syrup this morning."
    ;-)

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  • by CaptainHarley adores his life penguin on October 20th, 2009

    CaptainHarley adores his life penguin

    "I apologize, ladies and gentlemen, but our flight has had an unscheduled diversion to Afganistan."

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  • by Gene H on October 20th, 2009

    Gene H

    Jus' shit bag an relacks everbody. We're gonna ride this hog right down to Atlanda. Wait. Dallas. Hey, Chet, wake up! Where we goin'?

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  • by Thriftymaid on October 20th, 2009

    Thriftymaid

    BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • by john pennington on October 20th, 2009

    john pennington

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, may i have your attention please.

    This is your Captain speakeing. the co-pilot and i have a serious case of diaherra. we cannot leave the cocpit for fear of body gas contamination to you inside the plane. we both are dizzy and the airplane is on automatic pilot. we both feel as though we could have projectile vomiting at any moment. this could short out all the electronic components in the aircraft. our fuel supply is nearing empty and the nearest airport is 650 miles away. our body temperature is rising and our clothes are soaked with sweat. we are trying to hold our composure. sorry to say this, but birds have just deficated on the windshied and the washer fluid has leaked out. basically, we are in trouble. i am about to drop the oxygen masks, so the smell will not overcome you. feel free to use the barf bags in front of you. we may make it and we may not. i feel as though worms are eating inside my body. is there a doctor onboard? if so, would you assist those that wish to commit suicide"?

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  • by Jacques on October 20th, 2009

    Jacques

    "And we are now beginning our descent into the Pacific ocean."

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  • by Fiddle Playing Creole Bastard on October 20th, 2009

    Fiddle Playing Creole Bastard

    "I'm so trashed right now...."

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  • by philosopher on October 20th, 2009

    philosopher

    Please remain in your chair and put your seat belt on. That was my flight home from California. All Five hours.

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  • by Perryman on October 20th, 2009

    Perryman

    "This isn't like that flight simulator thingy at all!"

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  • by Observer on October 20th, 2009

    Observer

    We forgot to fill up the plane....

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  • by RC loves ice cream on October 20th, 2009

    RC loves ice cream

    Empty?!?! What do you mean empty? I thought you were the one supposed to fill up! Hold on, is this microphone on?

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  • by jeanie16 on October 20th, 2009

    jeanie16

    F*** !!! was that the engine that just ..........

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  • by Chicago Lady on October 20th, 2009

    Chicago Lady

    Attention all passengers. This is your Captain speaking. We have lost all instruments and radio contact. We will be making a water landing in the mid-Atlantic. Try to remain calm. Please take your seats, secure your seatbelts, and return your trays to the upright position...

    +5 keithold!

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  • by BigDaddyBS on October 20th, 2009

    BigDaddyBS

    "Ladies and gentlemen... We're going to have to land at an alternate airport. This is only a safety precaution. Please return to your seats, and put your seatbelts on."
    *Amid the sounds of damn-near every alarm you MIGHT hear in an airplane cockpit, and the co-pilot in the background shouting "Mayday Mayday"*

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  • by SalientAlien on October 20th, 2009

    SalientAlien

    'Uh, folks, seeing as we're all going to die in a few moments, I'd like to apologize to SalientAlien for screwing his wife last night. If I had known this would happen, I probably wouldn't have done it. Sorry.'

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  • by bye bye on October 20th, 2009

    bye bye

    These people think I'm an airline captain. Lolz

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  • by Rollie on October 20th, 2009

    Rollie

    Where the He** are supposed to go again? How do I find that??

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  • by Derf on October 20th, 2009

    Derf

    Oh $@&#

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  • by -Slick- on October 20th, 2009

    -Slick-

    That one of the engines is not working. +5

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  • by IrnRose on October 20th, 2009

    IrnRose

    oops

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  • by john pennington on October 21st, 2009

    john pennington

    2nd Answer.

    "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. the co-captain and i have have just discovered that we are allergic to plastic dust. this is a new airplane and we have been sneezing our heads off. we both have taken Benadryl. our sneezing is better, but the Benadryl has made us drowsy. for your safety, the plane is now on cruise control. a rookie flight attendant is in control of the airplane. we are sorry for the inconvenience. goodnite".

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  • by Sherri on October 21st, 2009

    Sherri

    "Ladies and Gentlemen: Would anyone like to congratulate me on my first real flight in a real airplane? If this flight is successful, I get my pilot's wings."

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  • by Dr_Dredd on November 15th, 2009

    Dr_Dredd

    Oooh.... look at all the blinking and flashing lights!

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  • by TheJoker on October 21st, 2009

    TheJoker

    Giggity giggity goo!

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