Being that its important for you and your mate to be able to talk and communicate on a certain level it would serve no purpose to be intellectually compatable. But then again, if you werent compatable to some extent, then you probably would not have met. One thing that I can say through experience is that a mate that is not compatable on an intellectual level will embarass you when you are amongst friends or collegues with interests similar to yours. Likewise you could very well be an embarassment to your mate. If you and your friends are discussing the latest trends in the stock market and your mate tries to add something about their favorite singer or celebrity to the conversation its very likely that everyone is going to look at them strangely. If the relationship starts out on a physical basis eventually it will end due to the fact that there is nothing to counter-balance it as the fun of the physical part begins to be not as much fun as it first was.

Very important. But, let me clarify. . .differences are not the same as intellectual compatibility and should not be confused. Having different interests does not mean two people are intellectually incompatible. It simply means they have different interests. . . I was married to a guy who lacked intelligence (hmmm, what does that say about mine? Ha ha ha). It was frustrating to say the least because I had to converse with him on his level which was extremely hard to do. I was the smarter one, so I had the burden of managing everything in our lives from finances to housekeeping. Conversation was dull and limited. I can't describe him any better than by anecdote: -One day he came home looking very frustrated and I asked him what was wrong. He was perplexed over a joke a co-worker had told him. Joke: A guy walks into a bar Punchline: Ouch! He didn't get it and I spent the better part of 30 minutes trying to explain it to him. -His view of income tax/home buying. We were in a situation where we were losing the annual equivalent of my take home pay to income tax. Our rent was significantly more than what we would be paying if we bought a starter house or condo. I did the numbers and buying looked good and we qualified for a mortgage. "Why do we have to buy a house? I don't see why we should worry about the government taking our money, after all, they do good things with it, right?" I am not joking. This is almost exactly what he said. My mouth was agape. I filed for divorce soon after that conversation. And if he did something dumb, guess who got to clean up his mess? Yes, yes, yes, it is VERY important in a relationship. To the second part of the question: I have to say I was young when I married, so I was looking for a nice guy who treated me well. I didn't think much about intellectual compatability. I believe I was too young to realize how important it was and I paid dearly for it. When I divorced and began to date again, I DID seek intellectual compatability and was happily rewarded. It made a tremendous difference in the quality of the relationship. TREMENDOUS. So whether or not people seek those of similar intellect is a matter of whether they even realize that it's important to look for. If they do, the answer is yes. If not, they marry my ex-husband. :) Hope this helps!

I disagree that intellectual compatibility is that important. Sometimes, it is better to have someone in your life that keeps aware of all the things you don't care about, and vice versa. By having two entirely different mindsets approaching a problem, you have two points of view to find a solution. Addendum: Intelligence is not easily quantifyable. Intellectual compatibility is more aptly described as having common experiences, and being able to communicate agreement on perceptions resulting from those experiences. What one might describe as incompatible is simply a wide diversity in experiences and environments. Two neurosurgeons from different countries may be equally educated and compatible, but unable to communicate the most basic needs to eachother. The unwillingness to learn to understand is the only element in the incompatibility of a relationship.

I agree with Jack Scotty. I've been in situations with women where our intellectual differences led to embarassing situations. I think intellectual compatibility is highly important in a relationship that is to be long-term. To me, it is one of those factors that "make or break" a relationship once you get past the butterflies in the stomach and you enter a place of rational self-evaluation. I do not know know if most people look for mates of similar intellectual endowment, but I will say this: it's hard for one person to finish another person's sentences if there is a 40-point gap between their IQ's. Plus, as I've gotten older, I find I get along better with others who are around my IQ level. Relationships I have with others tend to last longer if we are on similar intellectual levels. Furthermore, moments for me that cement a relationship occur when we both can "get" the same idea. Like a reference, a joke or an innuendo. Likewise, moments when my partner and I do not recieve the same piece of information in a similar way are pretty frustrating. My summary: for short-term relationships, intelligence compatibility can take a back seat; but for the long-term, it's highly important.

Intellectual compatibility is very important in a relationship because it is part of the three key elements in the attraction process: physical (looks), intellectual and emotional - what I call the PIE attraction facors. The couple has to bond physically, intellectually and emotionally before they can connect to that essential ‘chemistry’ everyone seeks and desires, one that emphasises similarity of approach, a congruence of perspectives and reciprocity of purpose. The longest relationships are thus based on having the most powerful combination of these PIE factors. Where more than one PIE element is absent, that’s a brief relationship in the making! Where it has two aspects, that's is very promising, but where there is the presence of all three reciprocally, then WOW! Watch our for the fireworks. It can be mindblowing. We can like someone for their stunning looks as much as we like but that will only take us so far until those looks begin to fade or we get tired of them. What helps to validate the looks is emotional compatibility. Someone high on emotional warmth, love, empathy, kindness AND beautiful as well is a whizz. Hoever, someone who has all those attributes AND has that intellectual savvy, who can actually string two sentences together is in a class of their own. When there is a willingness to be challenged intellectually and to engage in stimulating conversation, there is often an enjoyable meeting of minds that can help to solidify any relationship. Intellectual attraction shows itself in personal interests, cherished values and preferred life purpose. Being intellectually compatible also does not mean a high level of college-based education on both sides. It can relate to simple common sense, having experience of other cultures and peoples or being knowledgeable in a specific field. The main aspect of being intellectually appealing is to have reciprocal interactions which both parties enjoy. For example, a university boffin might find someone very attractive physically. But if there is little experience of life to hold a conversation over the candle-lit dinner there will be no mutual points to share, which makes a repeat outing highly unlikely! However, the requirement for intellectual contribution is not constant. This attribute comes into its own at certain times. For example, for someone very young, the priority order requirement in love is likely to be: physical (looks), emotional, intellectual. For someone middle aged and perhaps in a mid-life crisis, the priority might change to: emotions first, looks next, then intellect, because the last thing a man needs as he is going through a bad emotional time is some smart alec to show him up! People in crises desperately need to be uderstood and encouraged emotionally, while having a good looking babe to enhance them as well. For older folks the requirement is likely to change to a new priorit order: emotional, intellectual and then physical. For me, intellectual compatibility is at least 33% of the relationship. It is not that important if the other person is not as intelecctually gifted, but becomes essential with those bearing more than two brain cells and for which dialogue is an esential part of their daily lives.

If you are an intellectual person, then you need that stimulation..if you are a dummy then you don't care.

Most of the couples that I know that have successful marriages are intellectually just about equal. One might be well-educated and one might have little education--but their intellectual capacities are very close. This definitely does not mean that they have the same interests. - I have found that in business when partners are equals in intelligence there is a workable partnership--even when one partner might be the "muscle" and the other known as the "brains." But when one considers the other stupid--it's a definite sign that things will brake apart.--same as in marriage.

my ex used to call me stupid all the time. i only got to 4th year in high school and didn't acheive much there. but my iq is 159...i actually know alot. but due to the fact i didn't have some numbers on a bit of paper she made me feel stupid. never again though

For me.. I can't even stand having friends or family members who aren't at the same level as me. So, I wouldn't be able to stand being in a relationship with someone who wasn't at least somewhere near me. Me and my boyfriend aren't exactly close, but not in the sense he's not as intelligent as me or I'm not as intelligent as him. More like.. we're just not reading the same book and have different views.

i am this time around ! +5